DESCRIPTION:
Animations are any miniature humanoid figure such as dolls, puppets or marionettes that are capable of moving on their own. Homeowners with Animations most commonly report hearing clattering noises at night, and missing or stolen household objects.

DANGER:
Animations are usually not directly dangerous to humans, and will ignore them entirely as they go about their business. But their presence in a household may indicate the interest of other potentially dangerous parties.

SOLUTION:
Most Animations will depart or collapse on their own after completing their intended function, and no further action is needed. If an Animation persists for more than a few days in a single location, it may be a sign of more dangerous activity. In these cases, it is advised to contact HSH's Pest Removal Services.

Access granted: Friday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Attic Gnomes are a subspecies of gnome known to nest in attics and ceilings. Homeowners infested with Attic Gnomes will often report a knocking or rapping sound coming from their ceilings, or a surplus of dust coming out of their ventilation systems.

DANGER:
Attic Gnomes feeding habits can often be a boon to homeowners, as they consume dust, cobwebs and household pests such as spiders in large quantities. However, when frightened, they will violently expel their meals which can send large quantities of dust particulates into the air, causing air quality issues in the household. They are very easily frightened.

SOLUTION:
To remove an Attic Gnome from the household, it is recommended to dust and clean your attics and ceilings regularly, as to avoid giving it a source of food. This will also prevent other Attic Gnomes from nesting in your home.

Access granted: Thursday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Autumn Vines are vines with orange or red leaves that are known to slowly grow over a house, frequently occuring during the fall. Homeowners with Autumn Vines often report feeling dizzy, light headed, or blissful.

DANGER:
The pheremones Autumn Vines release in the air, while not toxic, can often cause household accidents thanks to their blissful, dizzying effects.

SOLUTION:
To remove Autumn Vines from a household, locate where the inital growth is coming from by inspecting the soil around the home for an extended red parent vine. Pull this vine out by the roots and burn it. Prevent Autumn Vine growth by making regular offerings of insects or meat substance to the ones beneath the soil.

Access granted: Saturday
Notes: In Use

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Bats are a general term for a variety of species of nocturnal flying mammals. Bats can be identified by their usually large ears, wings, and dark fur. Bats most commonly find their way inside the home during their hibernation period before winter. Homeowners with a bat infestation will commonly report sounds of scratching or flapping at night and sightings of small dry pellet droppings.

DANGER:
Bats are more dangerous than most household pests given their ability to fly, bite, and spread diseases such as Rabies. They also commonly have associations with the ones above the soil, increasing the potential danger significantly.

SOLUTION:
Bats are dangerous, stubborn, and difficult to remove safely. and should not be removed without the help of a professional. Utilize HSH's Pest Removal Service.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: Not in Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Bed Bugs are small insects known for feeding on the blood of humans and other mammals, and their tendency to inhabit sleeping areas of the home. Homeowners infested with Bed Bugs often report itchiness, and sometimes a delayed onset of rashes.

DANGER:
Bed Bugs are not known to transmit any dangerous diseases, and are relatively harmless to humans. However, their presence can often attract other pests that use them as a food source.

SOLUTION:
Bed Bugs have developed a resistance to the majority of common pesticides and are therefore quite difficult to remove. It is advised to utilize HSH's Pest Removal Services.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Bed Hags are large humanoid creatures with an elderly, woman-like appearance. They are known to dwell beneath beds, hammocks, and other suspended sleeping apparatus. Homeowners infested with Bed Hags will sometimes report croaking or wheezing sounds at night, or the feeling of a heavy weight on their chest at night.

DANGER:
Bed Hags are not dangerous to most healthy human adults, but small children and humans suffering from breathing problems such as asthma may be adversly affected by their presence. Bed Hags are known to steal the breath of their sleeping subjects at night, causing a shortness of breath, and sometimes sleep paralysis.

SOLUTION:
Bed Hags can in fact be beneficial to a home, as their presence can frighten off other pests such as various insects or mice. In the cases where a Bed Hag is undersireable, it is advised to utilize HSH's Pest Removal Services.

Access granted: Saturday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Bed Teeth are a rare kind of household fungus known for growing in small, cone-like shapes on the underside of bed sheets, blankets, or comforters. Homeowners infested with Bed Teeth often report mild discomfort when sleeping such as tickling or itching, and more rarely slimy acidic residue on their skin.

DANGER:
Bed Teeth are not directly harmful to most humans, given their brief sleeping schedules. However, they tend to gradually grow sharper over time if left untreated, which can lead to infections in the open wounds they cause.

SOLUTION:
To prevent the growth of Bed Teeth, bed sheets and blankets should be wlashed regularly, and inspected for rare, more persistent growths. Infested covers should be scrubbed thoroughly, or disposed of entirely.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Bees are small matriarchal flying insects, known to build large hive structures in high places, often in trees, attics or roofs. They obey their Queen. Homeowners infested with bees sometimes report buzzing, stings, or frequent bee sightings.

DANGER:
Bee stings, in addition to being painful, can lead to injury or even death in cases where members of the home have an allergic reaction to bee stings. Bees can also attract the attention of larger, more dangerous pests.

SOLUTION:
To remove Bees from a household, one must first locate their Hive. Once found, do not attempt to remove a Hive by hand until the bees within are put to sleep or killed. It is strongly advised to utilize HSH's Pest Removal Services.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Black Mold is a common household fungus known to grow in moist, warm locations. It appears frequently as small black spots. Homeowners with black mold infestations frequently report a musty smell, allergic reactions or breathing problems.

DANGER:
Black Mold is not immediately dangerous to humans, but enough of it can cause damage to household integrity, making it a long term danger. It also is known to cause allergic reactions or breathing problems.

SOLUTION:
Black Mold can be removed with regular cleaning supplies and maintenance, and can be prevented with good ventilation in high-moisture areas of the home. For more serious black mold infestations, it is advised to utilize HSH's Fungal Cleanup Service.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Boggarts is the general term for a metamorphosed Hobb. They are large, hairy humanoids between 6 to 7 feet tall, and bear fairly convincing false faces. They are known for causing household accidents such as flooding, fires, or electric outages. They also frequently observe their targets while they sleep.

DANGER:
Boggarts are extremely dangerous to humans and pets, due to their malicious nightly
household activities which can often cause injury or death. They also react very violently when seen by humans, but thankfully these instances are rare as they excel at staying hidden.

SOLUTION:
Do not under any circumstances refer to an active Boggart by any name. Once you become aware of its presence, simply vacate the premises. Provided you do not speak of the Boggart at any time, in any fashion, it will remain in its original location.

Access granted: Wednesday
Notes: In Use

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Carbon Monoxide (CO) is an invisible and odorless poisonous gas that is produced whenever a fossil fuel is burned. CO buildup can be caused by poorly installed/maintained stove and water heater appliances, or a result of poor ventilation. Homeowners affected by CO poisoning will often report headaches, dizziness, or lethargy.

DANGER:
Carbon Monoxide can cause death in humans and pets with enough exposure. It is a deadly serious threat and homeowners should take precautions to prevent its buildup.

SOLUTION:
Homeowners affected by the poison should vacate the premises immediately and seek medical assistance. To remove the poison from the household, all windows and doors should remain open until a CO monitor can confirm safe levels. CO monitors should be installed as a preventative measure and be purchased from our website.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: Not in Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Carpenter Ants are small insects known for nesting inside of wood. Homeowners infested with these pests sometimes report a faint rustling sound coming from their walls as the ants build their nests.

DANGER:
Carpenter Ants aren't dangerous to humans but they are known to bite when threatened. They also are known to spread disease and can cause damage to homes they nest within.

SOLUTION:
Common pesticides will kill Carpenter Ants, though due to how fast they breed it is highly recommended to locate their nest first. It is advised to utilize HSH's Pest Removal Service.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Cellar Grottos are large, cave-like networks known to sometimes appear spontaneously in cellars and basements. Homeowners with Cellar Grottos will often report a bad smell coming from the basement, higher humidity in the home, and a notable increase in large beetles, frogs, and related pests.

DANGER:
Cellar Grottos can introduce a number of dangerous pests into the home, and the heightened humidity they introduce can caused warped floorboards, weakened foundation, and other hazards.

SOLUTION:
Cellar Grottos can be removed by finding their creator and presenting them with a gift of gold. Their creator often resides somewhere within the grotto's subterranean lake. For safety, bring spelunking and snorkeling equipment on your excursion or consider utilizing HSH's Grotto Removal Team.

Access granted: Thursday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Cellar Growths are a large species of fungi that are known to grow in dark, damp environments such as cellars. Homeowners infested with Cellar Growths commonly report a slimy residue, the sound of dripping or stretching, or strange glows coming from their cellar.

DANGER:
As Cellar Growths most commonly grow on ceilings, their weight can often cause duress to a home's foundation, and as such their removal should be prioritized. The slimy residue they drip onto the floor can also be toxic to small mammals or human children.

SOLUTION:
When in their infancy, Cellar Growths can be easily scraped off and the affected area should be sanitized to prevent further growths. If a Cellar Growth starts glowing or pulsating, it is no longer safe to remove in this manner. and it is highly advised to utilize HSH's Fungal Removal services.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: Not in Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Closet Labyrinths are large, twisting networks of tunnels that are known to occasionally appear inside of the closets or wardrobes of wealthy homeowners or left behind in homes once owned by the wealthy. Homeowners with closet labyrinths will often report missing clothes, or the sounds of distant cries coming from their closet.

DANGER:
Closet Labyrinths are incredibly easy to get lost in by design, and can prove especially hazardous to homeowners carrying valuable items such as gold, precious silk or rare spices on their person. They are otherwise harmless to those who do not enter their domain.

SOLUTION:
If a Closet Labyrinth is discovered, it is advised to lock or blockade the entrance to prevent accidental entry and diminish the lure of the Labyrinth's hidden riches. If it is absolutely vital a Closet Labyrinth [can] be removed from a home, it is advised to utilize HSH's Labyrinth Removal Team.

Access granted: Friday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Cockroaches are small insects known to be common household pests. Homeowners with a cockroach infestation commonly report seeing droppings that appear similar to coffee grounds.

DANGER:
Cockroaches are no immediate danger to humans, but are known disease carriers. They frequently inhabit kitchens and other areas used to prepare food, increasing the risk of disease.

SOLUTION:
Cockroaches are resilient, fast breeders and are notoriously difficult to remove. The use of cockroach-specific pesticides that are deadly to humans is not recommended. It is advised to utilize HSH's Pest Removal Service.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Common Hobbs are the most common species of Hobb found in the household. They are small humanoid creatures with grey, burlap-like skin and small, vertical tufts of hair on their head. They have no false face. They are known for their tendency to consume dust, dirt, and common sticky substances found on floors and dishes, cleaning them in the process. They generally only come out at night.

DANGER:
Hobbs are not dangerous to humans on their own. If provoked, however, they are capable of mischievous acts, and metamorphosis.

SOLUTION:
Hobbs cannot be compelled to leave on their own once nested in a home. Instead, one should take measures to prevent provoking metamorphosis by leaving out a bowl of cream or milk at night.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: In Use (x2)

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Desk Hobbs are a subspecies of Hobb that are known to inhabit desks, vanities and other similar structures. They regularly like to tidy their homes, and will frequently sort and order materials in the desk to their liking. They are physically similar to other Hobbs, but are generally much smaller and have raspy, loose hair. They do not bear a false face.

DANGER:
Desk Hobbs are not dangerous to humans if left unprovoked. Like any other Hobb, they are also capable of metamorphosing.

SOLUTION:
Desk Hobbs cannot be removed once they nest. To prevent further danger, measures to prevent metamorphosis should be taken as soon as possible. It is advised to leave bread crumbs on the desk each night before going to bed.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Dorcha is the one who delivers. Homeowners experiencing Dorcha commonly report feelings of immense dread, and the sensation of being followed or pursued. They may also experience visions of a great lurking shadow.

DANGER:
Dorcha will deliver that which it seeks. There is no coming back from deliverance. Dorcha is otherwise harmless to humans it does not seek.

SOLUTION:
To be sought by Dorcha is to be found by Dorcha. If you or a loved one are sought by Dorcha, it is advised to grieve, and find peace through acceptance.

Access granted: Saturday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Dream Weavers are large, spider-like creatures known to weave dreams into reality. They also are known to cause nearby humans to only dream about everything being covered in webs. They will only move into a household if no other spiders are present.

DANGER:
Dream Weavers are parasitic in nature, and feed off the dreams of humans while they sleep. While this does not cause any direct harm to humans, it can lead to increased anxiety, and the large webs they weave can often trap dust, pets, and children, causing further complications.

SOLUTION:
To remove a Dream Weaver from a household, homeowners should refrain from sleeping for as long as possible, in order to starve the creature and encourage it to find a new home. Dream Weavers will often attempt to induce sleep by ensaring homeowners and injecting them with a sleep-inducing venom. Do not let them do this.

Access granted: Friday
Notes: Not in Use

DESCRIPTION:
Feasts are mid-to-large sized piles of various edible food substances, frequently including flour, cornmeal, and various species of fungi. They are known to appear near eating areas of the home.

DANGER:
Feasts are not dangerous if consumed, but if left untouched they can provoke more dangerous activity or else its continued presence can attract other household pests such as cockroaches or carpenter ants.

SOLUTION:
Feasts are a sign of a hospitable presence, and as such should be consumed immediately once sighted to prevent provoking or offending the gifter. For maximum assured safety, all members of the home should partake in the Feast.

Access granted: Thursday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Fae Flu is a rare and dangerous disease commonly spread by household fae. Symptoms of Fae Flu include headaches, fever, eye discoloration, seeds taking root in skin pores, and blooming.

DANGER:
Fae Flu is rarely fatal, but it can have long lasting effects on the lifetime health of an infected human. Long-term symptoms commonly include dizziness, fatigue, mono-­colored vision, deliriousness, and endless dreams.

SOLUTION:
There is no cure for Fae Flu, however one can take precautions against it by keeping a clean, fae-free home.

Access granted: Thursday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
False Artifcats are seemingly human-designed objects that can manifest inside a home. They are known for making gentle buzzing sounds that can usually only be heard by very young human children or small animals. Homeowners with False Artifacts often report out of place objects, or missing children or pets.

DANGER:
False Artifacts, while not a direct threat to adult humans, can pose a significant risk to small human children and animals. Should a child or pet be left alone with a False Artifact they are at risk of being encased within. Once encased, no noise made by the prey can be heard. While digestion can take upwards of several years to complete, starvation can be a more pressing concern.

SOLUTION:
One a False Artifact has been identified, removal is as simple as physically moving the object out of one's home, HSH Pest Removal Services should be called to come and remove the object. Should a pet or loved one already be encased within, one can utilize a Memory Wisp to speed up the griefing process.

Access granted: Wednesday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
False Beets are creatures with a beet-like appearance that are known to trick gardeners into harvesting and eating them by disguising themselves among their vegetables.

DANGER:
False Beets are harmless unless eaten by a human, at which point they will take root in the human's stomach, feeding off its nutrients for its lifetime. This can cause digestive issues and potential back problems over the course of the human's life.

SOLUTION:
False Beets only find themselves in gardens that grow beets. If you do not wish to contend with False Beets, it is advised to avoid growing beets. A swallowed False Beet cannot be removed without killing its host.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
False Flowers are long, slender creatures that vaguely resemble common house plants. They are known to take root in indoor potted plants, disguising themselves among the flowers. Homeowners often report hearing faint singing.

DANGER:
False Flowers are harmless if left to their own devices. However, if homeowners attempt to disrupt or remove them they will often lash out by spraying a toxic chemical known to cause blindness or loss of sight.

SOLUTION:
False Flowers are not to be disturbed once they have taken root. Water regularly. and try not to notice their presence. Ignore their singing.

Access granted: Friday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
False Rose Bushes are large plant-like creatures that most commonly take on the appearance of a Red Rose Bush. In place of roots, these creatures have two small humanoid feet that they use to chase down prey. Homeowners with False Rose Bushes sometimes report missing pets or children.

DANGER:
False Rose Bushes pose incredible danger to homeowners with children or pets, as their diet consists of small mammals, and they are known to be fast and efficient hunters. Homeowners without children or pets face a reduced risk, as they cannot swallow whole anything larger than themselves.

SOLUTION:
To remove a False Rose Bush from a garden they have inhabited, it is advised to keep children or pets from venturing outside within its hunting range for an extended period. If a False Rose Bush goes more than one month without eating, it will move on to new territory on its own.

Access granted: Wednesday
Notes: Not in Use

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Floor Roots are tree-like brown roots that are known to grow upwards from the floor to wrap themselves around various objects or humans in their vicinity.

DANGER:
Floor Roots grow slow enough that they serve very little danger to awake and aware human adults. However, if not spotted quickly they are a known strangling hazard for human children and pets while they sleep. Removal should be a priority in family households.

SOLUTION:
Floor Roots require something to wrap around before they will cease their growth, so it is advised to acquire dolls, or a similar human-shaped facsimile to give them a safer alternative. Place the dolls in the affected room and leave the roots alone for the night. By morning, the dolls and roots should be gone, and the room safe to inhabit once more. Make any repairs to the floor as needed, or utilize HSH's Home Repair services.

Access granted: Thursday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Fracture Hobbs are a subspecies of Hobb that are known to cause cracks and fractures in the walls of the homes they inhabit. They are physically similar to other Hobbs in stature and size, with the exception of generally longer, wilder hair lacs. They also bear a false face.

DANGER:
Fracture Hobbs are not dangerous on their own, but the fractures and cracks they cause can lead to foundational issues in the home. Like any other Hobb, they are also capable of metamorphosing.

SOLUTION:
Fracture Hobbs cannot be removed once they nest. To prevent further danger, measures to prevent metamorphosis should be taken as soon as possible. It is advised to leave out a slice of any kind of cheese each night before going to bed.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Frozen Pipes are a common household hazard during cold seasons, characterized by the water inside pipes freezing and expanding, causing stoppages, cracks, and leaks. Homeowners with frozen pipes may report strange faucet smells, banging and whistling sounds coming from pipes, or leakage.

DANGER:
Frozen Pipes can lead to bursting and water damage, which can be both costly and dangerous to a home.

SOLUTION:
Homeowners suspected of having frozen pipes should utilize HSH's Plumbing Services immediately. Prevention is key when cold season arrives, homeowners are advised to ensure their home is sufficiently protected from the cold by checking seals, keeping the home above 55° F, and running hot water through the pipes on a daily basis.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: In Use

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Gophers are small, brown furry mammals with enlarged front teeth that are known for living in burrows. They can become a pest to homeowners when they choose to burrow on their property, commonly damaging gardens.

DANGER:
Gophers are capable of biting humans and spreading deadly diseases such as rabies, so caution around them is advised. Do not attempt to approach a Gopher directly.

SOLUTION:
To evict Gophers from their burrows, a variety of natural deterrents can be placed around your property. Growing plants that repel gophers, such as sage or thyme, can also serve to persuade Gophers to move away from your property. For more persistent infestations, it is advised to utilize HSH's Pest Removal Service.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: Not in Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
The Horde is an invisible, odorless collective consciousness that is known to collect and store large quantities of common household refuse.

DANGER:
The Horde's tendency to store vast quantities of trash in the home make them prone to spreading disease to the home's inhabitants. Rotten food, used syringes, and rusty metal are among the more common household hazards that can be introduced by The Horde's presence.

SOLUTION:
Once introduced to a home, The Horde will continue to gather and horde their treasures indefinitely. It is advised to sell one's home at the first sign of The Horde's presence to make the relocation process go over more smoothly. To prevent The Horde from gathering in one's home, it is advised to keep one's home as tidy as possible as to not attract The Horde's attention. The introduction of a Hobb to the household can often assist in this process.

Access granted: Thursday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
House Fires are rapid combustion reactions that can occur inside a home. They are often caused by accident when cooking, or on purpose by more malicious household pests. Homeowners affected by House Fires commonly report the smell of burning.

DANGER:
House Fires can cause severe damage to a human's skin, such as burns, and can even result in death. It can also produce Carbon Monoxide, which is deadly to humans. As such, its removal from a home should be made an immediate priority.

SOLUTION:
To remove a House Fire from a home, one can utilize specialty equipment, such as Fire Extinguishers, to snuff out the flames, or else large enough quantities of water. For large fires, it is advised to exit the home and utilize HSH's Fire Removal Services.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
House Flies are small flying creatures that are known to commonly reside inside homes and frequently surround those whose death is impending. Homeowners afflicted with House Flies commonly report buzzing sounds and thoughts of decay.

DANGER:
House Flies are no immediate danger to humans, but are known disease carriers. they frequen[t]ly inhabit kitchens and other areas used to prepare food, increasing the risk of disease.

SOLUTION:
House Flies can be removed with common pesticides. For larger or more frequent infestations, it is advised to utilize HSH's Pest Removal Services.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
House Spiders are small eight legged creatures that commonly nest near or inside homes. They are known for building sticky thread-like webs to trap small flies or other insects, which they use for food. Homeowners commonly report web sightings.

DANGER:
House Spiders can bite humans when threatened, but their venom is not strong enough to harm a human, and they will often keep to themselves if left to their own devices. Their tendency to eat flies, bees, and other pests make them an excellent pest-deterrent, and their presence keeps some larger pests from moving in.

SOLUTION:
House Spiders can be removed with common pesticides. though it is advised to not remove House Spiders unless strictly necessary.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: Not in Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Kobolds are 5 foot tall humanoid creatures with dog-like faces that are known to burrow into dark rooms or storage closets and make them their home. Homeowners infested with Kobolds will sometimes report broken floorboards.

DANGER:
Kobolds are harmless to humans until they are discovered, at which point they will often lash out violently to protect their home, causing injury or even death. If discovered, Kobolds will attempt to lure humans into their space by poking their dog-like heads out from behind corners and whimpering. Do not ever enter a Kobold's domain.

SOLUTION:
One should not attempt to remove a Kobold from their home. It is strongly advised to hire professionals, and utilize HSH's Pest Removal Service.

Access granted: Friday
Notes: Not in Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Lamp Sprites are a common subspecies of Sprite that make their homes inside lamp fixtures. They are known for causing the lamps they inhabit to flicker or burn hotter, sometimes causing a burning smell in the home.

DANGER:
Lamp Sprites are not dangerous to humans unless provoked. Do not, under any circumstances, turn off the lamp or attempt to reach your hand inside the lamp when actively inhabited.

SOLUTION:
Lamp Sprites will leave on their own once their lamp of choice goes out on its own. At this point, they will attempt to seek out a new lamp. To prevent a Lamp Sprite from re-homing itself, ensure all household lamps are turned off until the expiration period. When the Lamp Sprite fails to find an active lamp, it will leave the home on its own.

Access granted: Wednesday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Laundry Gnomes are a sub-species of gnome with thick, fiber-like fur. They can fold their bodies into various shapes and often resemble dirty towels. Homeowners with Laundry Gnomes often report loud rattling or banging sounds coming from their washing machine, and missing socks.

DANGER:
Laundry Gnomes pose no direct threat to humans, though their lifestyles often lead to broken washing machines or dryers, which can occasionally cause small floods. Water damage can lead to further problems in a home, and as such Laundry Gnomes should not be left to their own devices.

SOLUTION:
Laundry Gnomes will move on from a home if they are no longer permitted to enter a washing machine. Great care should be taken to inspect each and every piece of laundry before washing.

Access granted: Thursday
Notes: Not in Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Leprechauns are small humanoids covered in long brown hair that are known for consuming common household valuables such as jewelry, silverware, and other precious metals.

DANGER:
In addition to being a houshold nuisance, Leprechauns' appetite for precious metals can also cause longterm damage to heaters, furnaces, and other common appliances if they are not properly protected. Additionally, Leprechauns can occasionally cause direct harm to humans in cases where homeowners have metallic medical implants such as braves, crowns, or joint replacements.

SOLUTION:
Leprechauns will move on to other feeding grounds on their own once they run out of food, but more proactive means of removal require physical capture. If immediate removal is desired, it is recommended to utilize professional help via HSH's Pest Control Service.

Access granted: Saturday
Notes: In Use

AUDIO SAMPLE
NOTE: DUE TO CLERICAL ERROR, THE AUDIO SAMPLE PROVIDED ABOVE IS INCORRECT. THE ISSUE WILL BE CORRECTED BY THE END OF THE MONTH.

DESCRIPTION:
Memory Wisps are invisible and odorless household wisps that are known for removing memories from the home and its homeowners. Homeowners infested with Memory Wisps will often report missing pictures, photo albums, and the inability to remember the faces of loved ones.

DANGER:
Memory Wisps are not a danger to the physical health of humans. However, their ability to affect human memory can sometimes lead to household accidents or reckless activity.

SOLUTION:
Memory Wisps will move out of the house on their own once they have stolen away the inhabitants' memories. There is no need for further action.

Access granted: Wednesday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Mice are small worthless rodents commonly found in the household. Homeowners with a mice infestation commonly report gnaw marks, small round droppings, and sounds of squeaking.

DANGER:
Mice are capable of carrying any number of diseases, so they serve as an indirect danger to most humans and should be dealt with immediately.

SOLUTION:
Common removal methods for mice include the use of pesticides, the introduction of a house cat to the household, and various kinds of bait traps. These can prove effective for small populations. Large mice infestations should be dealt with using HSH's Pest Removal Service.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: In Use (x2)

---

DESCRIPTION:
Mirror Nymphs are a subspecies of Nymph that are known for stealing the likeness of homeowners and passerbys. They are generally small, faceless and voiceless humanoids carrying a large mirror that they beckon others to look into. Homeowners afflicted by Mirror Nymphs commonly report not being able to recognize their own face.

DANGER:
Mirror Nymphs, although a nuisance, are not a direct danger to humans.

SOLUTION:
Mirror Nymphs will wander to different locations provided nobody looks into their mirror. Affected homeowners can restore their likeness by catching the Mirror Nymph and breaking its mirror with an iron implement.

Access granted: Wednesday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Moles are small, dark brown furry mammals with pointed, pink muzzles that are known for living in deep burrows. Their burrows tend to look like volcano shaped mounds, and they are known to eat insects.

DANGER:
Moles are capable of biting humans and spreading deadly diseases such as rabies, so caution around them is advised. They also have close relations to the ones beneath the soil, which can cause further danger if provoked.

SOLUTION:
Moles are persistent, and cannot usually be persuaded to leave on their own. However, Moles can be trapped and removed manually using a variety of common humane mammal traps. WARNING: NEVER KILL A MOLE. One can also utilize HSH's Pest Removal Service.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Neighbor's Doorways are doorframe-like structures that can often appear in basements or cellars. They are known to cause confusion if stepped through, as well as parallelism.

DANGER:
Neighbor's Doorways do not cause any direct harm to humans, but if stepped through, the resulting parallelism will often result in unwanted household acitivity, such as altered behavior or perceived missing memories in the human who comes through the other side.

SOLUTION:
Neighbor's Doorways are tricky to remove without accidentally putting one's body through them and potentially triggering the parallel activity. It is advised to utilize HSH's Doorway Removal Services. One can prevent Neighbor's Doorways from occuring by practicing mindullness and not letting one's mind wander towards wishing for alternate life paths.

Access granted: Saturday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Night Gnomes are small, hairy creatures with a pointed head. They are known for their tendency to enter the sleeping quarters of humans to watch them while they sleep. Homeowners affected by Night Gnomes frequently report sighting them in the middle of the night, or report heavy breathing sounds during late hours.

DANGER:
Night Gnomes are not known to be deadly to humans, but those who suffer from heart conditions should consider wearing sleeping masks to prevent being startled by their presence.

SOLUTION:
Night Gnomes will move on to other homes if they become bored or restless by your inhabitants' sleeping activities. There is no guarantee, however, that they will become bored by you if they find your sleep sufficiently entertaining.

Access granted: Thursday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Night Wisps are a subspecies of wisp in the form of bright, floating lights. They are known to hover outside windows at night while whispering promises of wealth and good fortune.

DANGER:
Night Wisps are not dangerous to humans unless listened to. Refrain from listening to their whispers and following their directions.

SOLUTION:
Night Wisps will move on to other homes after a week or so if they are ignored consistently. It is advised to drown out their whispers with music or wear sleeping masks to prevent sleep disruption.

Access granted: Thursday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Pipe Growths are a type of fungus that are known for making homes inside damp, tube-like structures such as pipes. Pipe Growths often grow slightly larger than the pipes they inhabit, and will therefore clog the pipe indefinitely until their removal. Pipe Growths are known to make loud bubbling digestion noises after they eat a full meal.

DANGER:
Pipe Growths are known to attempt to eat anything that comes inside their domain. Most commonly accidents occur when a human child attempts to reach their hand inside their home. Do not attempt to reach your hand inside an active Pipe Growth home. They are otherwise harmless to humans.

SOLUTION:
To remove a Pipe Growth from its home it must be offered a replacement. Any common PCP pipe will suffice. One should garnish the inside of the replacement home with an assortment of meat juices and insects. Place the replacement home near one of the pipe's openings and leave it overnight. The following day the Pipe Growth should be moved into its new home, where it can then be safely relocated away from the household.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: Not in Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Pipe Hobbs are a subspecies of Hobb that are known for making homes inside tube-like structures such as pipes. They bear no false face, and are much smaller than most Hobbs. They will commonly emerge from their home at night and consume any dirt, grime, and hair in the surrounding area, cleaning it in the process.

DANGER:
Pipe Hobbs are not a direct danger to humans, but their physical presence can sometimes cause leaks or clogs over time. If provoked, they are also capable of mischievous acts, and metamorphosis.

SOLUTION:
Pipe Hobbs cannot be compelled to leave on their own once nested. Instead, one should take measures to prevent provoking metamorphosis by leaving out a clipping of hair near their homes at night.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: Not in Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Pookas are shapeless creature that commonly inhabit homes in the shape and likeness of a household pet. They are known for their tendency to replace common pets such as dogs or cats, and live in their place to watch homeowners eat and sleep. Homeowners with Pookas frequently report unusual or frightening pet behavior.

DANGER:
Pookas are relatively harmless to humans, but the discarded bodies of household pets they leave behind can over time create other pest and disease hazards within the home. A foul smell signifies decay, and the discarded body should be found and removed immediately.

SOLUTION:
Pookas can be dis encouraged to leave a home by not drawing attention to their activities. Pookas thrive on the attention they receive from frightened homeowners, so refrain from screaming or yelling when surprised by them, and make attempts to ignore their presence whenever possible.

Access granted: Saturday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Portals are door-shaped openings to an outdoor location other than the homeowners', discovered most commonly in basements or underground cellars. Homeowners with portals frequently report cold drafts, strange dreams, and a strong desire to enter.

DANGER:
Portals can introduce a wide variety of dangerous elements to a home and should be dealt with as soon as they are discovered. They can additionally cause drafts, and introduce heating problems to a home.

SOLUTION:
Portals should be sealed shut with wooden planks, bricks, or other common building materials. The seal should be air tight, as to not allow for anything to come inside the home. It is advised to utilize HSH's Home Security services to ensure portals are sealed safely.

Access granted: Thursday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Raccoons are small nocturnal mammals with grey and brown fur known for their tendency to rummage through garbage cans or nest in attics. Homeowners infested with Raccoons often report frequent garbage spills, or clattering sounds at night.

DANGER:
Raccoons are capable of biting humans and spreading deadly diseases such as rabies, so caution around them is advised. Additionally, their feces can contain deadly parasites which, if accidentally inhaled or ingested, can cause progressive neurological damage to humans, or eventual death.

SOLUTION:
Raccoons are quite intelligent, and are thus quite tricky to remove from a home safely. Preventative measures include securing trash cans, and blocking any potential outdoor access to attics. It is highly advised to utilize HSH's Pest Removal Service.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: Not in Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Rain Nymphs are a subspecies of Nymph that are most active during rain storms. They are faint humanoids with a glow in their eyes that often appear near windows and doors, asking to be let inside. Homeowners afflicted with Rain Nymphs often report flooding.

DANGER:
The floods Rain Nymphs cause can lead to water damage, which can be both costly and dangerous to a home.

SOLUTION:
Rain Nymphs are very preventable, in that their pleas to be let inside can simply be ignored. It is advised to stay away from doors and windows during rain storms, to avoid having to endure a Rain Nymph's various temptations and threats.

Access granted: Friday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Reanimations are any deceased remains of living creatures capable of moving on their own. Homeowners with Reanimations commonly report foul smells, soil being tracked inside the home, and large holes in the ground appearing near or around the home.

DANGER:
Reanimations are capable of spreading a wide variety of dangerous diseases and parasites deadly to humans, so close proximity or contact should be avoided at all costs. They are also commonly used to inflict direct violence against homeowners, and are incredibly adept at hiding and waiting for vulnerable moments.

SOLUTION:
Reanimations' pursuit is slow but relentless, so relocation is not necessary or advisable. It is advised to contact any friends, neighbors or strangers the homeowner may have recently slighted, and make peace or bargain.

Access granted: Saturday
Notes: Not in Use

DESCRIPTION:
Seedlings are small insectoid creatures about the size of an aphid. They are known for burrowing in outdoor planters or gardens, feeding off the roots of nearby weeds.

DANGER:
Though their weed killing lifestyles can make them useful for gardeners, Seedlings are extremely territorial and react violently to anything competing for their food source. Never remove a weed from a Seedling-infested garden. They are known to compel competitors to commit violent acts on themselves or others.

SOLUTION:
To remove Seedlings from a garden, one should not go near their established feeding grounds. Instead, one should use a hose, sprinklers, or similar ranged devices to over-water and drown out the Seedlings from afar.

Access granted: Thursday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Soap Sprites are a subspecies of sprite that are known for consuming bacteria and harmful microbes. They frequently occupy bathrooms, appearing similar to pink bars of soap, in order to feed off the hands that use them. They secrete a suds-like substance that is used to digest their meals.

DANGER:
Soap Sprites, despite their bacteria eating lifestyle, are frequently known to spread deadly diseases such as the Fae Flu to humans who handle them, making them a serious household hazard.

SOLUTION:
Soap Sprites are easy to remove and dispose of by way of tongs or other grabbing utensils. Identifying Soap Sprites can be difficult, so it is recommended to not keep any bars of soap in the household to ensure they can be identified and removed as soon as possible.

Access granted: Friday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Spriggans are small green humanoids with leaf-like coatings on their bodies. They are seen rarely in households and reside primarily inside trees. They are known to act violently upon homeowners when provoked, however. Homeowners affected by Spriggans commonly report rapid vine growth in and around their homes, and the feeling that the trees are watching them.

DANGER:
Spriggans are incredibly dangerous to humans when provoked and physical contact with one will result in the growth of a Sprig Tree within the affected individual.

SOLUTION:
Spriggans connot be persuaded to leave the home once provoked, however one can take precautions to prevent provoking a Spriggan. Refrain from removing trees, flowers, or weeds on your property. Do not ever kill or hunt wildlife within the view of your home. Do not eat any wild fruit or vegetable that may grow on your property. Consider making offers of water each night, left in a clean dish on your porch.

Access granted: Saturday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Sprig Trees are a rapidly growing tree-like organism that takes root in a human body. They are known to cause structural damage to a home as they continue to grow, generally reaching their full size in a matter of days. They are known to be caused by the touch of a Spriggan.

DANGER:
Sprig Trees are incredibly deadly to those infected, and will result in death once they have reached a certain size. Anyone near a Sprig Tree while it is growing in an indoor location is also at risk of injury or death from the structural damage that will occur as it grows.

SOLUTION:
There is no cure for a Sprig Tree. The infected individual should be quarantined while any others occupying the household should vacate the premises immediately. Do not touch the infected person or the black substance that leaks from them under any circumstance. Begin looking for a new home, and arrange any funeral service as needed for the affected individual.

Access granted: Friday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Sprig Vines are rapidly growing vines that are known to quickly consume a house and block off exits. They are often a sign that a Spriggan has been provoked.

DANGER:
Sprig Vines are not dangerous on their own, and can be cut through with common gardening tools. However, their tendency to block exits can create struggles when needing to exit the house in a hurry, such in the case of floods, fires, or a Spriggan in pursuit.

SOLUTION:
Sprig Vines will continue to grow so long as the Spriggan that made them desires it. It is advised to vacate and re-home as soon as possible.

Access granted: Friday
Notes: Not in Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Stair Slugs are large, dog-sized slugs that are commonly known to occupy stairwells and basements. Homeowners infested with Stair Slugs commonly report a slimy residue on steps or other household inclines.

DANGER:
Stair Slugs can be beneficial to a household, as they frequently feed on other pests such as Mice and Hobbs, but the slimy residue they leave behind can lead to dangerous accidents and slippage if not properly cleaned after.

SOLUTION:
Should you wish to remove a Stair Slug from the household, one can simply surround the affected stairway with a thick barrier of salt. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO APPLY SALT DIRECTLY. After the Slug has dehydrated itself, you can dispose of its body.

Access granted: Tuesday
Notes: In Use

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Tea Sprites are a subspecies of sprite that are known to feed off of tea and tea leaf residue. Homeowners infested with Tea Sprites commonly report leaf-like droppings, and sounds of fluttering near kitchens.

DANGER:
Tea Sprites are not directly dangerous to humans, but they are known to spread various deadly diseases, including the fatal Fae Flu, and should be removed as soon as possible.

SOLUTION:
Tea Sprites can be removed with various common household pesticides and traps, provided they are baited with tea leaves. To avoid future infestations, be sure to always clean tea cups, kettles, and mugs after use.

Access granted: Wednesday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Termites are small insects known for consuming decaying plant material, particularly wood. Homeowners with a termite infestation often report peeling paint, small holes in the drywall, or squeaky floorboards.

DANGER:
Termites are harmless to humans by themselves, but the damage they can cause to a house's structural integrity can be deadly long-term, and should be removed as soon as possible.

SOLUTION:
Termites can be removed using common pesticides, but the treatment must be thorough and destroy the entire colony. Otherwise, they will quickly repopulate and resume their activity. It is highly advised to utilize HSH's Professional Termite Removal services.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Ticks are very small arachnids known to feed on human or animal blood and are most commonly found in tall grass. They latch onto their hosts, often unseen, and burrow their head into the flesh of their victim. Hosts will often report symptoms of illness, such as fevers, headaches, and chills.

DANGER:
Ticks are incredibly dangerous to humans thanks to their ability to directly spread various diseases to their hosts such as Lyme Disease, and their potential to provoke other, more dangerous household pests.

SOLUTION:
Although you can remove Ticks once they have invaded your home with common pesticides, it is too late to prevent any diseases they have transmitted. Instead, prevent Ticks from entering your household in the first place by treating the surrounding area with pesticides and keeping a tidy, weed-free lawn.

Access granted: Monday
Notes: In Use

DESCRIPTION:
Toilet Hobbs are a subspecies of Hobb that are known for homing inside toilets. They bear false faces, and have two separate clumps of wispy hair on each side of their heads. Like most Hobbs, they tend to clean their homes when they are active at night, keeping the toilets they inhabit nearly spotless.

DANGER:
Toilet Hobbs are not dangerous on their own, but their physical presence within the toilet they inhabit may result in plumbing problems over time such as leaks or clogs. Like any other Hobb, they are also capable of metamorphosing.

SOLUTION:
Toilet Hobbs cannot be removed once they nest. To prevent further danger, measures to prevent metamorphosis should be taken as soon as possible. It is advised to leave an egg near the toilet each night before going to bed.

Access granted: Wednesday
Notes: Not in Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Trash Gnomes are a sub-species of gnome with thick brownish grey fur, frog-like eyes and large gaping mouths. They are known to seek out trash receptacles and burrow inside them for both food and shelter. Homeowners with Trash Gnomes often report the smell of rotten eggs, finding large clumps of fur throughout the house, tipped garbage cans, and loud crunching sounds at night.

DANGER:
Trash Gnomes are highly territorial once homed. While their bite is not fatal, it can often lead to inconvenient and painful circumstances, such as the loss of a finger or nose, while attempting to discard trash or remove a trash bag from the receptacle. They are also capable of spreading deadly diseases to humans, such as rabies or tetanus.

SOLUTION:
To prevent a Trash Gnome from homing inside your trash, it is recommended to not let trash in the home be idle for more than a day or two, as their noses are highly sensitive to the smell. To remove a Trash Gnome permanently it is highly advised to utilize HSH's Pest Removal Services.

Access granted: Friday
Notes: Not in Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Travel Gnomes are a highly invasive subspecies of gnome that are known to stow away inside the luggage of unsuspecting travelers to introduce themselves to new households. They are found most commonly in highly forested areas of the globe.

DANGER:
Travel Gnomes can affect the household in various ways. They will often create expansive gardens inside their new homes, leaving soil, plants and common outdoor pests in their wake. These gardens, in addition to introducing a variety of dangerous pests, can also create foundational problems in a home if they continue to grow unabated.

SOLUTION:
Spraying pesticides and weed killer in the home can deter a Travel Gnome's gardening prospects, at which point it will wait for a new opportunity to travel to a better location. To encourage a Travel Gnome to relocate, one can invite others to stay at their household and create new opportunities for the Travel Gnome to stow away in visitors' luggage.

Access granted: Thursday
Notes: In Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Trolls are giant, 12 ft tall nocturnal creatures that normally are not seen in the home. However, during the winter they will deflate their bodies in order to fit inside homes and steal warm materials such as blankets or articles of clothing. Homeowners infested with a Troll will frequently report missing clothes, or claim to hear the shrill sounds of air escaping in the middle of the night.

DANGER:
Trolls are very dangerous to humans when they are startled, thanks to their ability to inflate their bodies to their full height of 12 feet in a matter of seconds. Their skin, despite its flexibility, is incredibly durable and will smash through the ceilings of most homes when fully inflated, causing property damage and injury to anyone in the vicinity. Do not ever approach a Troll.

SOLUTION:
An active Troll will leave by morning once it has secured its bounty. It is recommended to install repelling fixtures such as UV lights to prevent future break-ins.

Access granted: Saturday
Notes: In Use

DESCRIPTION:
Unicorn Fungi are a rare, horn-shaped fungus that are known to grow on the heads of furry mammals and household pets. They often affect the animals' disposition, causing them to be drawn to the soil. Homeowners often report their pets furiously digging around or inside their home.

DANGER:
Unicorn Fungi are not directly harmful to humans, but they can often lead to other household problems such as broken floorboards, uprooted plants, or waking up other things beneath the soil.

SOLUTION:
Unicorn Fungi will go away after a few months on its own without treatment. but can also be treated with cryotherapy, or removed surgically, if removal needs expediting. To prevent Unicorn Fungi from developing, regularly bathe your pet, especially after any outdoor activities.

Access granted: Wednesday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Warlock Remnants are a residual presence often left behind by former Warlocks, most commonly inhabiting older households, castles, or underground dwellings. Homeowners experiencing Warlock Remnants often report objects moving on their own, the sound of hostile warning whispers, or sighting bearded figures in reflective surfaces.

DANGER:
Warlock Remnants, while a hostile presence, are mere echoes of their former selves, and are generally harmless. Their ability to manipulate small household objects can prove hazardous to less cautious homeowners, however.

SOLUTION:
Homeowners can purge the remnant from their home with the use of a Seelie Stone, but the journey to retrieve one is both long and perilous, and not recommended. If a Warlock Remnant proves sufficiently hazardous or inconvenient, it is highly recommended for homeowners to simply relocate.

Access granted: Saturday
Notes: Not in Use

---

AUDIO SAMPLE

DESCRIPTION:
Whistling Fungi are small, mushroom-like growths with many small holes in their caps that frequently grow through drywall gaps and cracks. Homeowners infested with Whistling Fungi often report a dissonant "whistling" sound coming from their walls.

DANGER:
WARNING: If you ever hear Whistling Fungi "singing" in harmony, evacuate your home immediately. Whistling Fungi are rarely dangerous to humans, but their growth can cause foundational problems.

SOLUTION:
If Whistling Fungi ever "sing" in harmony, evacuate your home immediately and do not return for any reason. Otherwise, Whistling Fungi can be removed with common weed killers or by utilizing HSH's Fungal Removal services. To prevent a Whistling Fungi infestation, ensure there are no open cracks in your home.

Access granted: Wednesday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Wine Sprites are a subspecies of sprite that are known for consuming wine. They are small, large-eyed winged creatures with translucent skin that often appears red while they are feeding. They have a long proboscis that they use to drink. Homeowners infested with Wine Sprites commonly report broken glasses and their wine having a rotten taste and smell.

DANGER:
Wine Sprites are not directly dangerous to humans, but they are known to spread various deadly diseases, including the fatal Fae Flu, and should be removed as soon as possible.

SOLUTION:
Wine Sprites can be removed with various common household pesticides and traps, provided they are baited with wine. To avoid future infestations, be sure to always clean wine glasses and containers immediately after use.

Access granted: Wednesday
Notes: In Use

---

DESCRIPTION:
Wood Secretions are a pink, viscous liquid substance that can sometimes form from wood that has been mistreated. It is known to drip from wooden materials, such as furniture or walls, causing a sticky pooling buildup.

DANGER:
Wood Secretions can be deadly to humans, causing a rapid translation of flesh if ingested. Keep animals and human children away from secretions at all costs, as its foul odor will be interpreted as a sweet, candy-like smell to them, making them particularly susceptible to accidental ingestion.

SOLUTION:
Once started, wood secretions will continue indefinitely. To remove the hazard from a home, the offending wood should be replaced entirely. To prevent wood from entering the secretion stage, ensure good care is taken towards wood in the home, and refrain from scratching, knocking, or banging on wooden surfaces. Do not ever insult or shout at wood.

Access granted: Wednesday
Notes: In Use

---

Subject Line: Welcome

From: HSH Corporate

Welcome to the Home Safety Hotline family! We are pleased to have you aboard as our brand new Home Safety Hotline Responder. Your Supervisor's name is Carol Regina. She will be calling you today to brief you on your duties, and will be reviewing your work daily to ensure maximum accouracy.

As a reminder, Responders with a 90% Accuracy Rate or more will qualify to receive our Daily Employee Coupons! Work hard, and be rewarded with incredible savings!

Sincerly,

HSH Corporate




Subject Line: Notice - Video Files on Desktop

From: HSH Corporate

Attention Call Team. Due to an error with our archival network, some of you may notice video files from our video archive appearing on your desktops. Please disregard these, they will be cleared up in due time.

Sincerly,

HSH Corporate

---

CURRENT CALLER: JOHN

Transcription:

John here. My wife insisted I call this number. It sounds like she thinks we might have some kind of infestation? My wife keeps telling me about specks of dirt or something in the kitchen? Just looks like coffee to me. I don't know. You tell me I guess.

Hint:
John speaks of specks of dirt, that look like coffee to him.

Answer:
Cockroaches

---

CURRENT CALLER: GRACE

Transcription:

Hi! I'm so sorry, my name is Grace and it's probably nothing but I thought I'd call just in case. Lately I can't sleep at night because of this annoying little sound coming from my attic. It sounds kind of like <indiscernable>. It's probably nothing, I'm sure it could just be regular old house noises but I just thought I'd call to ask and make sure.

Hint:
Listen to the sound Grace makes during the call. There's an audio file that sounds very similar.

Answer:
Mice

---

CURRENT CALLER: HANK

Transcription:

Hank here. Last week I called your guys about some crap in my yard, and was told it wasn't anything to worry about. Well guess what? There's more piles of crap in my yard! I'm talking huge piles of brown out there. You better not tell me it's nothing again, because I know I've seen something moving out there. Tell me what it is so I can take care of it once and for all.

Hint:
What kind of wild animal would make huge piles of dirt in ones garden?

Answer:
Mole

---

CURRENT CALLER: TWIG SIGMUND

Transcription:

Uh, Twig Sigmund here. Just callin' to inform ya that, uh, your refigerator's been runnin' wild over here for the past 45-90 minutes. Better head on over and catch it, big fella.

---

CURRENT CALLER: TIM

Transcription:

Hey do you guys have a lawn mowing service or something? My good-for-nothing kid refuses to mow, and it's getting really crazy out there. Looking like a rainforest over here. My kid is complaining about being too sick to do anything about it, blah blah blah. The stress of this stupid lawn is giving me a headache just thinking about it. Can you send some guys up to get this done?

Hint:
Kid complaining of being sick, tall grass, the caller having a headache? What could lurk in the tall grass and spread diseases?

Answer:
Ticks

---

---

Subject Line: qquiit beffotre ittts tyoo lasate

From: mike3@hsh.mail

yiuu don ;t kniow me buttttt iii ysed to havvvvve yoyour jiob. uouuy areee ninn dangaerr!!! quuittt todayy befroe oitss too latee. uou dontt knkwoo ennoughh, itsn not too latree to quitt freelly. trusut me!!




Subject Line: Daily Coupon - Bug Spray

From: HSH Deals

Congratulations, employee! Your high Accuracy Rate has awarded you today's Daily Coupon!

Today's Daily Coupon is for: HSH Bug Spray!

HSH Bug Spray helps you keep those bugs where they belong, outside! Just one spray keeps insects at bay! Using a state-of-the-art chemical makeup, insects are repelled by the pet-safe scent, and will immediately seek the fresh air of the outdoors faster than you can shake a fly swatter at!

To receive your discount, simply type the following code during your on-line checkout:

BUZZOFF

Keep up the great work, employee!

HSH Bug Spray
$9.99
$5.99 [- 40% off]

---

CURRENT CALLER: MIKE

Transcription:

<sneezing> Guh, sorry. I'm uh, <sneeze> calling to see if you might know about anything I can do to <sneeze>. Sorry. Anything you can do to uh, prevent pollen from coming in the house? I think there's seriously something wrong with my ventilation or something, because I cannot stop sneezing. In the past I haven't had problems so long as I've stayed inside, but I think something is getting in.

Hint:
Sounds like Mike has got an allergic reaction to something. But it might not come from outside. What's a common problem in flats and houses?

Answer:
Black Mold

---

CURRENT CALLER: HUNNIGAN

Transcription:

Do you know if there's such a thing as house thieves that clean? Like, maybe to disguise the robbery? At night I keep hearing all this noise coming from my living room, but when I go to look at it I find the place spotless, but haven't yet found anything missing. I've talked with the cops, but they keep telling me to call this number, so here I am. Is there something you can do?

Hint:
What's something that comes out at night and cleans?

Answer:
Common Hobb

---

CURRENT CALLER: BUZZ GOOBER

Transcription:

Yeah, Buzz Goober here. I've been havin' a heck of a time over here. I got these Snappers itchin' and whoopin, cryin' all over the place. Just all over the place. I got these whipper snappers yelpin' and whinin' and I can't get a wink of sleep. Just tryin' to lay down over here. Watcha' gonna do about all this? I've called about a' fifty five houndred times and y'all haven't done a thing about it!

---

CURRENT CALLER: MICHELLE

Transcription:

I... I don't know what's going on inside my house. I hear something crawling in the walls. I think I found teeth marks on my bed posts... I can't sleep at night knowing there's something in my house, help me please!

Hint 1:
Something's been crawling in the walls and gnawing an her bed posts... what wild animal would do that?

Hint 2:
We had someone call on Monday making the sound of this particular animal.

Answer:
Mice

---

CURRENT CALLER: FRED

Transcription:

Yeah, hey. I'm calling about a noise I've been hearing in my house lately. Sounds like scratching or something, it's real quiet, but there's definitely some kinda pest in my walls. I've set out all kinds of traps and I thought one worked for a while but then I started hearing it again this week. I thankfully haven't seen any visible damage yet or droppings or whatever.

Hint:
So the caller is hearing some faint rustling sounds coming from their walls... I wonder where I've read that before.

Answer:
Carpenter Ants

---

CURRENT CALLER: DAN

Transcription:

DO YOU GUYS HANDLE SECURITY? I NEED HOME SECURITY INSTALLED. SOMEONE IS BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE AND GOING THROUGH MY STUFF AT NIGHT. I KNOW IT'S BOB FROM ACCOUNTING, HE'S ALWAYS BEEN ENVIOUS OF ME. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING BOB! GOING THROUGH MY PAPERS, TAUNTING ME WITH YOUR ORGANIZATION SKILLS! I NEED YOUR BEST HOME SECURITY EQUIPMENT PRONTO!

Hint:
Seems like something or somewhat is rummaging through this guys' desk drawers and sorting them.

Answer:
Desk Hobb

---

---

Subject Line: itts twooo latee fro u noww

From: mike3@hsh.mail

tphey gfave u acacess to moreea info difdnt they? wanrdd uou. if uyou end up likeaeq me.......... joign me tin thiss hole. tehuey haveant faoundd eme yet. itsfa safe hetre.




Subject Line: Notice - Network Errors

From: HSH Corporate

Attention Call Team. Our Network Team is migrating our backend services over to a new hosting provider this week, so you may experience some occasional network errors over the next few days.

Please be sure you are studying your information entries carefully while you still have access in case the network goes down while you are on the phone with a client. You will still be expected to provide accurate answers to our callers regardless of the network's status.

Sincerly,

HSH Corporate




Subject Line: Daily Coupon - Used Horseshoe

From: HSH Deals

Congratulations, employee! Your high Accuracy Rate has awarded you today's Daily Coupon!

Today's Daily Coupon is for: Used Horseshoe!!

Our stock of used horseshoes are reliable as they are rusty! 90% of our supply are verifiably forged from real iron. Supllies run out quickly, so stock up while you can!

To receive your discount, simply type the following code during your on-line checkout:

AGRETDEAL4SHOER

Keep up the great work, employee!

Used Horseshoe
$19.99
$16.99 [- 15% off]

---

CURRENT CALLER: DAVID

Transcription:

THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE BASEMENT! I've seen it! It's huge, almost as big as my dog. It doesn't hiss or growl or anything but I haven't gotten close enough to it to find out what it is since it's always lurking just out of sight from the top of the stairs. I need someone to come get this thing out of my basement as soon as possible! I've locked the door since I can still hear the steps creaking under its weight down there.

Hint:
There's an entry mentioning the specific size given in the call.

Answer:
Stair Slug

---

CURRENT CALLER: PETER

Transcription:

Hey uh, I've been hearing some really weird noises coming from the bathroom faucet recently. I'm not sure what it could mean. It just makes this nasty sound anytime I run it, along with this nasty smell.

Hint:
Must be very cold where the caller lives.

Answer:
Frozen Pipes

---

CURRENT CALLER: QUAID

Transcription:

My wife... I can't... Her face, it's gone... it's gone! My wife... I can't see her face. I can't see her face! She's dead and I can't see her face!! They're all gone! It's all gone!

Hint:
Seems like the caller can't remember the face of his loved one.

Answer:
Memory Wisp

---

CURRENT CALLER: FRED PINBALL

Transcription:

Hey yeah, name's Fred Pinball, I'm calling to lodge a complaint against your place of business up 'ar. I have never seen such a big ol' mess left behind by your pest control team, just tons of sticks, twigs, pebbles, sod, and I ain't puttin' up with it no more. I got sawdust comin' out my drawers here! I oughta grab you by the goober and smack ya around till next sunday. Now whatcha gonna do. <Laughs> watcha gonna do to make this right?

---

CURRENT CALLER: HARVEY

Transcription:

Uh hi? I, uh, have no idea what's happening. My sheets are growing nasty sharp things on them and my legs itch like crazy. Do I need to be showering more often or something? I usually shower, like, once a week for my skin health so maybe that's it?

Hint:
Something's been gnawing on the bed sheets...

Answer:
Bed Teeth

---

CURRENT CALLER: WANDA

Transcription:

Hello. I was told to call this number to ask about my problem. The wall in my bedroom doesn't look right near the bottom. The bottom of the wall has some cracks, or maybe it's peeling? I'm not sure. I have a cat named Whiskers, and sometimes he likes to sharpen his claws on the couch, but he would never do that to the wall, he knows just how naughty that would be.

Hint:
A tricky one... She's not talking about cracks, she reports peeling paint. Now, what animal would cause this?

Answer:
Termites

---

CURRENT CALLER: GARY

Transcription:

Do you think this is some kind of joke? Last week I called you guys about some weird noises I had coming from my living room and the info package you sent me said something about leaving out a bowl of cream? What kind of joke is that? It's been a week now that I've been dealing with this racked, no thanks to you, and now we're starting to have power outages. Your employees' stupid joke is now probably gonna cost me who knows how much in repair costs, so talk to your manager and tell them they owe me big time! You figure out what's going on in my house and you figure it out NOW!

Hint:
Seems like a former employee gave this caller the info package about Common Hobbs. But that seems not to be the right answer. Wait... did he talk about electric outages?

Answer:
Boggart

---

---

Subject Line: Notice - Introducing our new office pet!

From: HSH Corporate

Hello, Home Safety Hotline family!

We're excited to introduce to all of you our brand new office pet: Whiskers!

Whiskers is loyal, friendly, and is as serious about pest control as we are. Please give Whiskers a warm welcome if you see him wander by your desk!

NOTE: Please refrain from picking up or feeding Whiskers, as he is still getting to know everyone in the office, and has scheduled feeding times.

Sincerly,

HSH Corporate




Subject Line: Daily Coupon - Silver Medallion

From: HSH Deals

Congratulations, employee! Your high Accuracy Rate has awarded you today's Daily Coupon!

Today's Daily Coupon is for: Silver Medallion!

The Medallion is 100% pure silver, and comes free with an iron chain for convenience! For safety both in and out of the home, never let The Medallion leave your sight! Supply is limited to one, so get it while you can!

To receive your discount, simply type the following code during your on-line checkout:

PEDALTOTHEMETAL

Keep up the great work, employee!

Silver Medallion
$333.99
$299.99 [- 10,18% off]

---

CURRENT CALLER: ASH

Transcription:

I think there might be something wrong with our faucet. Recently I've been having the worst kind of stomach bug, just aches and pains constantly. But after a month it still hasn't gone away and I'm thinking there's gotta be something wrong with the water because we only eat fresh, home grown fruits and vegetables here and we've never had any problems until now. I keep hearing things about rusty pipes and water poisoning and all kinds of terrible things that can happen to the water so can you send someone out to get this fixed for us?

Hint:
So the caller has a stomach bug and only eats home grown vegetables...

Answer:
False Beet

---

CURRENT CALLER: FELICIA

Transcription:

The Police told me to call this number, so I uh, hope I got the right number here. Anyway uh... I think... I think somebody is stalking me. I can see their shadow at night at my windows, just staring into the house. When I close the window I can still hear him out there, breathing. I've been sleeping on the couch every night this past week just so he won't see me. The Police said they can't do anything so please, send somebody or do something about this. I can hardly sleep anymore.

Hint:
Someones been staring into the window of this caller at night, breathing heavily.

Answer:
Night Gnome

Bye Felicia!

---

CURRENT CALLER: BELINDA

Transcription:

Hello yes, I believe there may be some kind of problem with our home ventilation. Lately we've been hearing awful banging noises coming from the ceiling, and the air quality seems to have been drastically reduced, my daughter hasn't been able to stop coughing.

Hint:
Hm... something seems to be living in the attic and got a bit frightened.

Answer:
Attic Gnome

---

CURRENT CALLER: MAY

Transcription:

Please help me!! The police refused to do anything, they told me to call you!! Oh please, say you can help. My little boy Jeremy has gone missing!! He's eight years old, and such a sweetheart. The last time I saw him was when I was tucking him into the bed last night and checking his messy closet for bees to calm him down. Oh, it's silly, I know. My poor Jeremy is always concerned about bees and wasps and such. I miss him so much! Oh please, say you can help me find him, he's all that I have!

Hint:
If little Jeremy was afraid of bees and wasps, maybe he heard something buzzing in his closet and went in there to investigate.

Answer:
False Artifact

---

CURRENT CALLER: LEO

Transcription:

Hi. I'm concerned somewhat about the stability of my new home. I recently finalized the purchae and naturally afterwards found that there are several large cracks in the walls of the basement that were not previously disclosed, as well as several pieces of half-eaten cheese littered across the basement floor? I haven't been able to get in contact with the previous owners about this and am wondering if you can offer any kind of legal advice?

Hint:
While we can't offer the caller legal advice, his problem is really easy to identify. Someone's been nibbling on some cheese left out at night...

Answer:
Fracture Hobb

---

CURRENT CALLER: GUB RUBBER

Transcription:

Gub Rubber here, I need to place an order of sixty fallons of Orange Drink here. I got a big ol' party I'm setting up here at the studio, and we're gonna need that Orange drink to -- too many mouths to feed, ya know what I mean? - Gonna need that Orange Drink to feed my crew. On second thought, ya'll still got that Cheesy Greaser you used to carry? Too many mouths to feed, know what I mean? Maybe P-Pepper Squeeze? Don't tell me you don't got the Pepper Squeeze. Squeeze. Squeeze. Squeeze.

Note:
60 gallons equal about 227 litres...

---

CURRENT CALLER: PHIL

Transcription:

Hey... so my doctor told me I should call this number? I have no idea why, he won't tell me anything. He said you could help so here goes nothing I guess. Uhh... so I've recently been having just the worst headaches, and just barely I woke up and found my eyes were starting to look kinda pink? I'm really freaked out right now, and I'm not sure what I have, I can't find anything online. Can you help me?

Hint:
Oh no, seems like the caller has caught something...

Answer:
Fea Flue

CURRENT CALLER: KYLE

Transcription:

You gotta tell me what's going on inside my home, okay, I'm freaking out over here. There's holes all over my freakin' house man. Freakin' HOLES. I'm stepping around big wooden splinters, there's no telling how much damage there is. I've got this big gaping one in my kitchen, and I have no idea how freakin' deep it goes. To top it all off my skittish little greyhound, Goblin, is nowhere to be found. She probably took off after seeing this mess. I need help, bad.

Hint:
Seems like Goblin has been digging around the house...

Answer:
Unicorn Fungi

---

CURRENT CALLER: JACKIE

Transcription:

Alright I'm gonna need someone to explain what in the name of Christmas is happening to my living room. I'm back from vacation and the house is already turning into a disaster not 24 hours later. My living room is absolutely covered in soil and plants, looks like a gosh darn nursery in there. What is happening? Is this what happens when you buy a bad rug or something?

Hint:
The caller must brought home an unwanted souvenier with her.

Answer:
Travel Gnome

---

CURRENT CALLER: LARRY

Transcription:

There's something... There's something in my basement. I don't know what it is, all I know is when I open my basement door, it smells like a damn sewer and I can hear it making all kinds of horrible noises. It sounds like there might be a lot of water down there too, I don't know what it might be doing down there, but I have a feeling it's causing a whole lot of damage. Please, send somebody to help with this, I can't deal with something like this!

Hint:
A bad smell coming from the callers basement and a lot of water.

Answer:
Cellar Grotto

---

---

Subject Line: DONOTTT COMEA TO THEA FHOLE

From: mike3@hsh.mail

THAEAEH HOLEA IS BREACHHEAD !!!!! RAEPAT TEH HUIAOLE IS BRACHED!! ITTTS NIS NOT SADFE HERREEE! MUSTTT FNAIND A NEWEAD SPOTT: IT NKNOWS IM HEREE!



Subject Line: Sheduling Changes

From: HSH Corporate

Employee #036,

Regarding your shedule this week. Due to a shortage of available staff we will need you to come into work this Saturday and Sunday. Thanks for being a team player! Rest assured your additional labors will be recognized.

Sincerly,

HSH Corporate



Subject Line: Daily Coupon - Tamed Riveroot

From: HSH Deals

Congratulations, employee! Your high Accuracy Rate has awarded you today's Daily Coupon!

Today's Daily Coupon is for: Tamed Riveroot!

Plucked and tamed straight from the waters within the Undersoil, this Riveroot is as reliable as they come! Their gentle high frequency cries are guaranteed to keep your garden safe from all manner of pests and predators! Just don't forgot to keep them well-watered and well-monitored!

To receive your discount, simply type the following code during your on-line checkout:

ROOTIN4U

Keep up the great work, employee!

Tamed Riveroot
$737.99
$549.99 [- 25,47% off]

---

CURRENT CALLER: PATRICE

Transcription:

There were Satan worshippers in my shed! I think it might be my no-good teenager having joined up with one of those "Dungeon Dragon" cults they say these days, because he's been gone for days now and the next thing you know I find a dang tree growing in my shed! The tree is all covered in torn up fabric and some kind of black liquid, classic Satanic ritual crap I assume. Tell me what I can do to get these godless teens off my property!

Hint:
As unfortunate as it is, we cannot summon trees with a Satanic ritual. The callers son went missing and now there's a tree growing rapidly having pieces of fabric on it.

Answer:
Sprig Tree

---

CURRENT CALLER: ROBERT

Transcription:

Hey, called last week about some noises in my house and after following the instructions you sent me, they still seem to be happening. I already told you guys what was happening but uh, the short story is that every night I'm hearing clattering noises coming from the kitchen? In the morning I usually check the kitchen for any signs of droppings or whatever, but the place looks spotless. Can you tell me what's actually heppening so I can get some sleep?

Hint:
Oh what plight to have something in your home that cleans the dishes at night...

Answer:
Common Hobb

---

CURRENT CALLER: PAMELA

Transcription:

Yes, hi. I recently purchased from your company one of your home security installation services, and not a week later I'm still getting break-ins! As I mentioned prior, someone has been breaking into the greenhouse and taunting us with their singing! They could be some insane serial killer for all we know! All they do is sing at night, but no one in my family feels safe anymore! None of your stupid security alarms even went off!

Hint:
Of course none of the security alarms have been going off. How could they, when the thing you're reporting is already living inside your greenhouse, taking root in your plants?

Answer:
False Flower

---

CURRENT CALLER: FLIPPER

Transcription:

Hey, Flipper here. I've got two dumbbells that I bought from you that need a good spit-shine, know what I mean? I mean these bells have got all kinds of grit, grime, grease, I can't even see my face in 'em when Im deadlifting, know what I mean? I mean I'm looking at these bells right now, ya hear? I'm seein' spit, crud, juice- Hey, who are you? How did you get in?? Hey, now easy there. Get away! Get away! ... <Squeaking>

---

CURRENT CALLER: ANDY

Transcription:

There's some kind of INSECT in my house and I think it may have died?? I saw this big nasty thing fly in through the windows and I haven't been able to find it anywhere, but I think maybe it electrocuted itself somewhere because I can smell this awful burning scent throughout the house! Can someone come find this thing and get it out my house?

Hint:
Seems like something got attracted to a light source and caused a burning smell.

Answer:
Lamp Sprite

---

CURRENT CALLER: ALBERT

Transcription:

IT TOOK MY DAUGHTER!! SHE'S GONE!! IT WRAPPED ITS AWFUL TENDRILS AROUND HER AND TOOK HER DOWN WITH IT! I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES! PLEASE, SEND HELP! THE POLICE WON'T DO ANYTHING, SEND HELP!!

Hint:
This callers daughter seems to have sunken into the floor...

Answer:
Floor Roots

---

CURRENT CALLER: HELEN

Transcription:

It... it... it stole me! It stole me!! I'm not me anymore, I'm... it took me! I can't see myself anymore, I'm gone! Help me!! Help get me back!! Please!!

Hint:
The caller seems to not be able to recognize her face in the mirror anymore.

Answer:
Mirror Nymph

CURRENT CALLER: RAMONA

Transcription:

I think some homeless or druggies might be in my house, because I keep finding used needles, cans, metal scrap and other such nasty things on my living room carpet! I have children in this house and this is a very serious hazard to their health! And before you say anything, yes I already called the police and they told me to call this number instead, so I assume you will send over the proper authorities to deal with this matter promptly.

Hint:
With kids in the house it seems like it may be not as tidy as possible and all the common household refuse collects in it.

Answer:
The Horde

---

CURRENT CALLER: MAPLE

Transcription:

Hey yeah is there some kind of home security camera I can purchase from you guys? For the last few nights we haven't gotten any sleep thanks to some punks outside with flashlights or something. Someone keeps flashing these bright lights through our windows at night but I haven't been able to see who's doing it. I wanna catch them on camera so I can finally bust these stupid teens for all they're worth.

Hint:
It seems like the caller has gotten lucky until now, not listening to whispers of promises of wealth and good fortune.

Answer:
Night Wisp

---

CURRENT CALLER: PATTY

Transcription:

Hey uh so... I think I found some kind of door? I... feel like maybe I should step through it. Yeah. I think... I think I need to go inside. The wind feels so nice...

Hint:
The caller should not give in into her strong desire to enter.

Answer:
Portal

---

CURRENT CALLER: JULES

Transcription:

This might, like, sound strange, but I think there's some kind of, like, squid or something in my bathroom! Like, I went into the bathroom in the middle of the night last night, you know? And I could see something slithering under near the sink with its like, uh, little tendracles or, like, tendrils, or you know, whatever, but when I turned on the lights nothing was there. I checked under the towel, like under, you know, like that little soap thing, and everything, but I know it's somewhere! Like, it's too freaking big to have gone down the drain, so it's still gotta be hiding here.

Hint:
Something's been occupying this callers bathroom.

Answer:
Soap Sprite

---

---

Subject Line: This address is no longer active.

From: mike3@hsh.mail

Hello, if you are receiving this email, it's because you have been emailed by this address before.

The employee this address is registered to is no longer employed here at Home Safety Hotline. As of 4/30/1996, this address will be shut down, and no longer able to send or receive email messages.

If you still need support from HSH, please email us at support@hshmail.com

Thank you.

- Home Safety Hotline Support



Subject Line: Daily Coupon - Hag Hide

From: HSH Deals

Congratulations, employee! Your high Accuracy Rate has awarded you today's Daily Coupon!

Today's Daily Coupon is for: Hag Hide!

Sourced cruelty-free from the perished, and treated with our flower-scented formula, these are the best quality Hag Hides you'll find! This month only, we'll even throw in an iron wall mount free charge! Let the whispers keep your bed the safe haven it should be. Sleep easier, sleep safer.

To receive your discount, simply type the following code during your on-line checkout:

HAGGLIN4DEALS

Keep up the great work, employee!

Fresh Hag Hide
$943.99
$777.99 [- 17,58% off]

---

CURRENT CALLER: BRITTANY

Transcription:

Some kind of animal has gotten into my cellar! I know it's down there 'cause I can hear it flapping around sometimes when the house is quiet. Tel me what to do to get rid of this thing because I think it's getting into all my Pinot Noirs and Chardonnays! I found a whole bunch of broken bottles on the floor. Stupid thing is probably getting loaded.

Hint:
Seems like the caller has a bad habit of leaving used glases around.

Answer:
Wine Sprite

---

CURRENT CALLER: RUTH

Transcription:

So uh, I think something may have died inside my desk. It stinks to high heaven and something is leaking out of it. I had to lock the door to my office since my kids are overly curious about the smell, so I need to know what to do about this as soon as possible.

Hint:
Someone in the caller's home must have had a shouting match with the wooden desk in their office.

Answer:
Wood Secretions

---

CURRENT CALLER: HOWARD

Transcription:

I think there's someone watching me. Outside, something is moving around the trees and I can never get a good look at them but I know they're out there. I've seen their eyes. I don't know who they are but the police were no help, they just asked me stupid questions like if I mowed my lawn recently or if I ate fruit in public or something and then told me to call you. I'm hoping you'll be more helpful.

Hint:
Since the police asked him to call us, it's safe to asume that that someone the caller is referring too, isn't something human. Whatever it is, seems to not yet have been provoked. We better keep it that way, to avoid something violently from taking place.

Answer:
Spriggan

---

CURRENT CALLER: JAY

Transcription:

My brother told me to call this number but I don't know why. Things have never been better here. My brother says he doesn't like the way the leaves move, the way they grow around the house like a warm embrace. Things are good here, brother. Things are good. Would you tell my brother that things are good?

Hint:
The callar sure seems to be very blissful, considering all that red and orange growing over her house.

Answer:
Autumn Vines

---

CURRENT CALLER: JILL

Transcription:

Hi. Do you know how I got here? I'm... I'm not where I should be. Please, I was told you can help me. My family... They aren't my family. I don't know what has happened. Please, tell me how to go back to my family.

Hint:
We all, sometimes, wish for an alternate life path, don't we?

Answer:
Neighbor's Doorway

---

CURRENT CALLER: CLAIRE

Transcription:

Hey yeah there's this awful smell of rotten eggs coming from my dining room and when I looked to see what it was I saw this awful, disgusting pile of crap on my dinner table! It's quite big too, which has me worried that whatever produced this might still be in the house, because who knows how big this thing is! My dog can't even lay something that big!

Hint:
Seems like the caller hasn't been attending to the lovely feast that was thrown for her, in time.

Answer:
Fae Feast

---

CURRENT CALLER: PAUL

Transcription:

Heyya, yeah Paul here. I'm not sure what to do anymore. My kids can't sleep at night! I been sprayin' about fifty kinds of pesticides all over the place, washed and scrubbed all the bedsheets as much as freakin' possible, and every night it's the same story. A bunch of itchy kids with nightmares waking up at 4am and beggin' to sleep in Papa's bed. I'm fresh out of ideas.

Hint:
It's only a matter of time before the callers family will die before anything that's been taunting them in their sleep. That's just way too much pesticides!

Answer:
Bed Bugs

CURRENT CALLER: CHARLES

Transcription:

<child crying in the background> Okay, you wanna explain to me what the hell is happening? I called last week to ask about why my home's heater has been having issues, and nothing's changed after following the instructions you sent me. Shut up! I know your teeth hurt, but daddy is on the phone right now! Anyway, we're still freezing our butts off over here, so tell me what the hell is happening right now so I can get this fixed properly.

Hint:
Something has a taste for metal in this household, and I ain't talking about music.

Answer:
Leprechaun

---

CURRENT CALLER: EDWARD

Transcription:

I think some pranksters might be giving my wife and I a run for our money. Lately my wife's clothes have started going missing, and at night I keep hearing this strange whoopie cushion type sound coming from outside. I've tried to scare the kids off by keeping the porch lights on at night and putting out a neighborhood watch sign but I think they're on to my tricks. Do you have any advice you can send me?

Hint:
Maybe the caller should try to INFLATE his body to try to scare the thing off that's taunting them.

Answer:
Troll

---

CURRENT CALLER: SHEILA

Transcription:

Hello, I saw your commercial and thought I would call just in case you might know what's going on. I was recently putting my kettle on for a bit of afternoon Earl Grey, when I heard this awful buzzing sound coming from the cuboard. I looked around inside but I couldn't find anything but a few loose tea leaves! I'm quite concerned about hornets and bees and the like because I'm quite allergic to their stings, so I just wanted to know if there's anything I should be worried about right now. My hearing isn't what it used to be after all.

Hint:
Something's been fluttering in this callers kitchen, but it ain't a hornet nor a bee.

Answer:
Tea Sprite

---

CURRENT CALLER: CHRISTIE

Transcription:

Hi, we need some medical help. I'm not exactly sure what to say since I talked to our family practitioner already but he said to call here so, um, we've been having trouble sleeping. I thought it was just me but both my husband and I started feeling shortness of breath around the same time. I'm worried about something spreading throughout our house since our kids all have asthma and some particularly sever allergies. We tried washing all the bed sheets in the house but that didn't really help much. Thankfully, the kids haven't had any issues yet so could you help us sooner than later?

Hint:
There's something hiding beneath the beds and stealing their breath.

Answer:
Bed Hag

---

CURRENT CALLER: CARLA

Transcription:

So uh... I've been hearing this weird sound coming from the walls. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I've been having a hard time sleeping at night because of this sound. <indiscernable> Can you hear that? It's been non stop lately. I've replaced all of my smoke detector batteries and everything but I cannot figure out where this sound is coming from.

Hint:
Another good reason to patch up all your gaps and cracks in your home.

Answer:
Whistling Fungi

---

CURRENT CALLER: RACHAEL

Transcription:

Um... hello... Can you help me? There's this terrible smell in my house, and I can not figure out where on earth it is coming from... I think it's upsetting my puppy Meatball too, he's really been acting up lately. I can hardly blame him, it smells so terribly rotten... please can you help?

Hint:
This is not your dog, dear caller.

Answer:
Pooka

---

CURRENT CALLER: FLIPPER

Transcription:

<Squeaking>

---

---

Subject Line: Congratulations!

From: HSH Corporate

Employee #036,

We are happy to report that we are most pleased with your labors, and are currently making all the necessary preparations for your impending decension, assuming you pass The Trial. The soil is fertile. Keep up the great work, and thanks for working through the weekend!

Sincerly,

HSH Corporate



Subject Line: Daily Coupon - Glamour Stone

From: HSH Deals

Congratulations, employee! Your high Accuracy Rate has awarded you today's Daily Coupon!

Today's Daily Coupon is for: Glamour Stone!

Whether you're simply too tired to concentrate or if you just want to look your best withouth the stress, our Glamour Stones are here to put you at ease! With our patented protective seal, our Glamour Stones have a 99.9% Reliability Rating!

To receive your discount, simply type the following code during your on-line checkout:

WHAMGLAMTHANKYOUMAAM

Keep up the great work, employee!

Glamour Stone
$1,899.99
$1,299.99 [- 31,58% off]

---

CURRENT CALLER: UNKOWN

Transcription:

We are many. We are above. We are followers of our Queen. What are we?

Hint:
Which animal serves their Queen?

Answer:
Bees

---

CURRENT CALLER: UNKOWN

Transcription:

I am not living, yet I clatter. I am small, I am weak. I serve my purpose, then I die. What am I?

Hint:
Clattering noises and departure after serving their ourpose.

Answer:
Animation

---

CURRENT CALLER: UNKOWN

Transcription:

I am the beggar, I am the encroacher of the dry. I am friend with the water of the sky. What am I?

Hint:
Something that's most active during a rain storm.

Answer:
Rain Nymph

---

CURRENT CALLER: UNKOWN

Transcription:

I am the harbinger of death. I am the bringer of pestilence. I am forever the nuisance. What am I?

Hint:
What's a common household nuisance during the summer?

Answer:
House Fly

---

CURRENT CALLER: UNKOWN

Transcription:

I seek the domains of those who have too much. Step within, and they lose their way. What am I?

Hint:
Where would someone get lost in?

Answer:
Closet Labyrinth

---

CURRENT CALLER: UNKOWN

Transcription:

We are companions of the gardens. We compel those who tread to tread no longer. What are we?

Hint:
Something that compels competitors to commit violence acts.

Answer:
Seedling

---

CURRENT CALLER: UNKOWN

Transcription:

I am the dancer, I am the bringer of destruction. I consume the weak, and the reckless. I am the forsaken oil and careless light. What am I?

Hint:
A homeowners worst nightmare, commonly caused by negligence, capable of destroying everything.

Answer:
House Fires

---

CURRENT CALLER: UNKOWN

Transcription:

I am the seeker. I am the one who delivers. What am I?

Hint:
No way of running away from this one. Better find peace through acceptance.

Answer:
Dorcha

HSH Corporate consists of nine Services and two teams.