Choosing a hero is an important part of playing Dota 2.

• Pick a hero with the longest name. This will make you the coolest player on the server.
  
• Pick a hero with the sexiest design. This will help you attract the attention of girls.
  
• Pick a hero with the funniest voice. This will help you entertain your teammates.

Items play an important role in Dota 2. They give you additional strength, health, protection, and other helpful bonuses.

• Buy only items that look cool. If an item doesn't look cool, then you don't need it.
  
• Don't spend money on items that don't give you additional abilities. This is a waste of money.
  
• If you're not sure which item to buy, just buy the most expensive one.

In Dota 2, there are five main roles: carry, mid, offlaner, support, and roamer.

• Play any role you enjoy. It doesn't matter what role you play if you're having fun.
  
• If you want to win, play carry. Carry is the easiest role to win with.
  
• If you want to lose, play support. Support is the hardest role to lose with.

Teamfights are an essential part of Dota 2. If you want to win, you need to be able to play teamfights well.

• Don't be afraid to die. It's okay to die in teamfights.
  
• Don't try to save teammates who are dying. It's pointless.
  
• If you want to win a teamfight, just kill the enemy carry.

It's very easy to get frustrated in Dota 2 if your teammates are playing badly.

• Just tell your teammates that they're playing badly. This will help them improve.
  
• If your teammates don't want to listen to you, just ignore them. It's not worth ruining your mood over them.
  
• If you still can't handle your teammates, just abandon the game. It's not worth your time.

If you follow the advice in this guide, you can become a cool player in Dota 2. However, it's important to remember that the most important thing in Dota 2 is to have fun. If you're not having fun playing, then you shouldn't be playing.

Additional Tips:

• Don't play Dota 2 on weekends. On weekends, Dota 2 is only played by the most toxic players.
  
• Don't play Dota 2 on Monday mornings. On Monday mornings, all Dota 2 players are unhappy with their lives.
  
• Don't play Dota 2 if you're hungry or tired. In this state, you will play worse.

Good luck in Dota 2!