SO YOU WANT 2 B GUD AT EZPZ:GO? THEN THIS IS YOUR GUIDE
FOLLOW THESE EZ PZ LMN SQZ STEPS TO WIN EVERY GAME!

SO, TO ACTUALLY KNOW WHERE YOU ARE, GO CHECK OUT THOSE AWESOME RANKS!

THE STRATEGY IS THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE GET TO SILVER RANKS, EXCEPT IF YOU ARE AS COOL AS THE GUY IN THE NEXT SECTION.
LETS GO TO THE MIDDLE BRACKET, THE AVERAGE PLAYER IN CS:GO. AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE SUPER DUPER ACCURATE CHART, REACHING THE RANK THAT HAS A FANCY GOLDEN AK ON IT IS ONLY POSSIBLE IF YOU QUEUE WITH FRIEND (OR GLOBAL 1337 SMURFS)
WHEN REACHING THE BEST OF THE BEST BRACKET, BE SURE THAT YOU USE THE DEAGLE ONLY WHEN REACHING THE RANKS THAT HAVE A SEAGULL EAGLE ON IT. IT INCREASES YOUR ELO RANKING BY 133,7%, MAKING IT EASIER TO REACH GLOBAL SMURF 1337.

YES, THIS GUY RIGHT HERE IS WHAT PROBABLY PREVENTS YOU FROM EVER REACHING THE FANCY GOLDEN AK RANK.
MOST COMMONLY FOUND IN THE NOOB BRACKET, THE SILVER SMURFER IS KNOWN FOR DESTROYING NOOBS ON HIS "SMURF" RANK, ALWAYS GETTING OVER 100 POINTS AND INDUCING RAGE IN HIS ENEMIES.
BE SURE TO ALWAYS SEND HIM TRADE OFFERS, FRIEND REQUESTS ETC. TO SMURF WITH HIM, EVENTUALLY ACHIEVING THE GLORY THAT IS CALLED GOLDEN AK RANK.
OH, AND ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

YOU HONESTLY THOUGHT GLOBAL 1337 WAS THE FINAL RANK?
WELL, LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE TO SHOW YOU:

JUST LOOK AT THIS SEXY RANK, ENVIED BY THE SILVER 1 F2PS. THIS IS THE SECRET RANK ABOVE GLOBAL 1337, WHICH IS AT THE TIME OF BEING ONLY EXCLUSIVE TO F0REST AND HIS MARSHMALLOW STRATS ON NUKE AND VARIOUS OTHER PEOPLE IN THE COMPETITIVE SCENE.
OH, AND OF COURSE ME, THE MAKER OF THIS GUIDE.

ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT WEAPON YOU SHOULD USE? FEAR NO MORE!
THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUS AS EVER: ONLY USE THE PP-BIZON!
"BUT IT'S USELESS", YOU MIGHT THINK
WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS? LOOK HOW A BIZON WITH THE BEST NAME IN THE WORLD CLUTCHES 1V5!

WANT TO IMPROVE YOUR SKILL JUST TO GET THE SUPER DUPER SECRET RANK, BUT BORED OF USING THE BIZON?
THEN YOU DEFINATELY NEED LOTS OF SKINS! PREFERABLY THE ASIIMOV FOR EVERY WEAPON, INCLUDING THE BIZON ASIIMOV SHOWN IN THE VIDEO!
OF COURSE, YOU NEED TO HAVE EVERYTHING IN STATTRAK TO SHOW OFF YOUR AMAZING SKILLS AT KILLING PEOPLE.

NOW YOU ARE PREPARED TO REACH THE RANKS ABOVE GOLDEN AK THING, FIGHTING AGAINST GLOBAL 1337 SMURFS AND F0REST'S SECRET RANK!

NOW GO AND WIN THE GAME, YOU WASTED 10 MINUTES READING THIS GUIDE AND YOU TEAM TRIED VOTEKICKING YOU ATLEAST 5 TIMES BY NOW!