Say you're doing TERRIBLY as heavy one day on koth_king. All of your minigun rounds are missing their targets, you get backstabbed as you're eating your Sandvich, you're being headshot left and right, people are melee killing you with ease, and you haven't gotten a single point on the entire server.

You respawn again. You walk grudgingly up the stairs to the middle area and still see that everyone is firing their guns with ease, getting all the kills that they want. You look to the side and see...An enemy heavy just sitting there, sandvich in hand. He sees you, and starts jumping up and down in excitemement. You walk over to him not as another heavy on the BLU team, but as a friend. You two stand in that corner doing the conga, headbutting each other, High-fiving, exchanging sandviches, and just having a good time. Eventually, other heavies from both RED and BLU start joining you as well! It's almost like a costume party! Everyone likes everyone else, people enjoy your company, and you all are just there to have fun.

You leave the server. Normally, you would be upset at how poorly you performed in that match. But...those friendly heavies made you forget about all that. they were there to lighten up your day when it was turning out to be extrememly bleak. Friendly heavies are there to...be your friend when you need it most.



This guide will elaborate on just what friendly heavies are, what to do and what not to do about them, and how to become one yourself. Let's begin, shall we?

Friendly heavies are heavies who...are...well, friendly! Most competitive TF2 players see them only as people who are wasting their time, only taking up a server slot by standing in a corner with other time-wasters. I see them as IRL supports in-game. They are there to say "Let's have some fun that everyone can enjoy." You can walk up to them and they won't attack. Also, if you join in for a bit, you might get a free sandvich or two out of the deal. But one wrong turn on them...and they will hunt your ass DOWN.

People who are friendly heavies are usually TF2 veterans that are just bored. They may just seem like noobs that don't care to play the game when, in reality, they could lay a beatdown on you whenever they felt like it. That being said, don't get on their bad side.

However, if you decide to show them a bit of love, they will grace you with infinite sandviches and their utmost companionship.

So you're a sniper and you see a gathering of some friendly heavies on a server. They're just standing around, eating sandviches with their heads in one place. You can do one of the following:

1) Ignore them entirely and 360 noscope all the ScRuBs you like

2) Walk up to them and try to make friends

3) Run up and Skewer taunt one of them while they're eating a sandvich

4) Just headshot them right there, right now.

If you answered 1, then you can simply walk along and play the game normally.
If you answered 2, then you have successfully earned their alliance and will probably get a sandvich if you ever need one.
If you answered 3 or 4, then you WILL be killed whenever you pass by them. No exceptions.

I'm pretty sure that you can figure out what NOT to do. Let's move on.

You now know pretty much all you NEED to know about friendly heavies...except for how to be one. Here are the steps to do just that:

1) Be familiar with the voice commands

If you're being a friendly heavy, try to only communicate using voice commands. You know, those menus that pop up when you press Z, X, or C? Start memorizing the button combinations for whatever lines you may need to use. A friendly heavy died? Look at his corpse and use C+6 Negative. See a medic taunting at you? Spam X+7 Charge me! and E. Engineer passing by? Constantly spam X+5 You know what X+5 is ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º).

2) Get the weapons you need

Before you go out and start pootis-ing in the heat of battle, make sure you have the required weapons for defending yourself.
ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS, use the Tomislav as your primary. Its faster spin-up time helps with quick self-defense and its silent killer attibute helps with ambushing any haters.
For your secondary, always use a Lunchbox item. Details on which one to use are later in the guide.
The melee weapon you use depends on what you're dressed up as. more on that later as well.

3) LET'S GO SHOPPIIIIIIING GUUURLFRIIIEEEEND

If you're going to be a Friendly Heavy, you need to look FAAAAABULOOOUUUS while doing so. More on that later.

4) Find a server and get your pootis on!

The final part is simple: Find a random server, find an area on that server that's out of the way but in a place that people can still see it, then stand there. Once you're at that part, try to get other people over to where you are. Use partner taunts, throw sandviches, just be frienly to everyone that passes by. Eventually someone will join you.

Hopefully, you should know about these already. If not...well, you learned something new today.

(Skip this part if you know about voice commands) Voice commands are these lines that you can make your character say aloud rather than using global chat. For example, let's pretend you're capturing a point and need some help with it. Would you rather stop in place, open to headshots and backstabs, and type out that you need help in the global chat? Or would you like to still convey your message while dodging rockets and flares like a boss?

If you chose the second answer, then I have successfully convinced you that you need to be educated about voice commands. I hope you're proud of yourself.

To use a voice command, you need to press a certain combination of two buttons, depending on what you want to say. Check the list below for what buttons you need to press to say what you need to.

Z+1| MEDIC!
Z+2| Thanks!
Z+3| Go! Go! Go!
Z+4| Move up!
Z+5| Go Left!
Z+6| Go Right!
Z+7| Yes
Z+8| No

X+1| Incoming!
X+2| Spy!
X+3| Sentry Ahead!
X+4| Put a teleporter here!
X+5| Put a dispenser here! (POOTISPOOTISPOOTISPOOTIS)
X+6| Put a sentry here!
X+7| Activate Ubercharge!
X+8| (Medic only) I am Charged!

C+1| Help!
C+2| (Battle Cry)
C+3| (Cheers)
C+4| (Jeers)
C+5| (Positive)
C+6| (Negative)
C+7| Nice Shot!
C+8| Good Job!

Once you're confident about using the voice commands, then move on to the next step.

Yes, there is an entire section on how to dress up your heavy.

Not to toot my own horn here, but I am practically a FASHIONISTA when it comes to this sort of thing. I play around on loadout.tf WAY too much coming up with WAY too many item set ideas.

One of the most important things about being a friendly heavy is dressing your heavy up. If you're standing around by yourself with no hats and just your fists, people WILL think you're an absoloute noob. it's fine to join in with just that, but it's difficult to START a happy corner with that complexion.

There are three fashion categories when it comes to friendly heavies:
Friendly
Silly
and Masculine

Just about every weapon, hat, lunchbox, and cosmetic are going to fall into one of those categories. For example, the three lunchbox items in the game could easily represent
Friendly (Sandvich)
Silly (Dahlokohs)
and Masculine (Buffalo Steak)

and yes, there are reskins of those items, but if you think about it they still fall into the same category. The Fishcake is STILL sort of a silly weapon, it's just more situational than the Dahlokohs.

If you are to design your own Friendly heavy, you'll want to base his design on this system. Does he look friendly, silly, or masculine?

Not only do you want cosmetic items, you'll obviously want one or two taunts (preferrably partner taunts) to keep your guests entertained. The more taunts, the better. (though some taunts are better than others with some sets).

Below I have some Friendly Heavy (FH) outfits that I made up if you can't come up with any.

Commie Claus is coming to town!

Style: Friendly

Weapons:
Sandvich
Holiday Punch

Cosmetics:
Kiss King
All-Father
Apparatchik's Apparel

Good ideas:
Festive Sandvich
B.M.O.C

He looks more like King Hippo

Style: Silly

Weapons:
Dahlokohs Bar
K.G.B

Cosmetics:
Pugilist's Protector
Toss-Proof Towel

Good Ideas:
Headbutt Taunt
Heavy-weight Champ

Gabe Newell's favorite class is the spy. The spy has one secondary weapon and one melee. 1+1=2. There are 6 items in this set. 6/2=3. Half-Life 3 confirmed.

Style: Silly

Weapons:
Dahlokohs Bar
Fists

Cosmetics:
Gabe Glasses
One-Man Army

Good ideas:
Fishcake
Consentious Objector (With Half-Life 3 symbol)

This crane won't be flying anytime soon.

Style: Friendly/Silly

Weapons:
Sandvich
Fists

Cosmetics:
Hong Kong Cone
All-Father

Good ideas:
Humanitarian's Hamachi

"I'm coming back to town, and the last thing that's gonna go through your mind before you die... is my size-13 boot!"

Style: Masculine

Weapons:
Buffalo Steak Sandvich
Stock

Cosmetics:
Bullet Buzz (painted Australium Gold)
Graybanns
Heavy Lifter

Good Ideas:
Bat Outta Hell

SAXTON HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE!

Style: Masculine

Weapons:
Buffalo Steak Sandvich
Fists

Cosmetics:
Soviet Gentleman
Samson Skewer

Good ideas:
Ham Shank
Frying Pan

I hope they serve sandviches here

Style: Friendly

Weapons:
Sandvich
Fists

Cosmetics:
Tuxxy
Coupe D'isaster

Good Ideas:
Ham Shank
Frying Pan

I need those forms filed by Friday.

Style: Friendly

Weapons:
Dahlokohs Bar
Fists

Cosmetics:
Carl
Siberian Sophisticate
Gabe Glasses

Good ideas:
Frying Pan
Consentious Objector

Sandvich.

Style: Sandvich

Weapons:
Sandvich
Sandvich
Sandvich

Cosmetics:
Sammy Cap
Sandvich Safe

Good ideas:
Australium Sandvich

ayyyyyyyyyyyyy sexy mediiic

Style: Silly

Weapons:
Sandvich
Fists

Cosmetics:
Hound Dog
Siberian Sophisticate

Good Ideas:
"Gentleman" on micspam

"You know what the chain of commnd is? It's the chain in the back that I beat you with until you learn who's in command."

Style: Masculine

Weapons:
Sandvich
Fists

Cosmetics:
Tough Guy's Toque
Cuban Bristle Crisis
Samson Skewer

Good Ideas:
Stock Minigun (For character)
Frying Pan

Cue the Heavy Metal

Style: Masculine

Weapons:
Buffalo Steak Sandvich
Eviction Notice

Cosmetics:
Heavy's Hockey Hair
Graybanns
Bolshevik Biker

Good ideas:
Shred Alert Taunt

Only use this if you have no other options.

Style: Silly

Weapons:
Sandvich
Fists

Cosmetics:
Ghostly Gibus
Pyrovision Goggles

Good Ideas:
Bronze dueling badge
Mercenary badge

So you're all ready. You know the voice commands by heart, you have the perfect loadout and costume, and you know the proper etiquette of friendly groups.

Your training begins.

Walk to an area on any map where not many people actually go. Make sure that it's easily visible and open, so anyone can see it and join in. If nobody is coming, try to use partner taunts or voice commands to lure them over.

Hopefully, a Friendly Heavy will walk over and join you. Once one does, start messing around! While staying in that corner, engage in partner taunts and voice command conversations. Numbers will multiply, and you should eventually have a Pootis Gang.

Well, it seems we've reached the end of this guide. Just a few things to mention first:

If you even TAUNT with the Buffalo Steak Sandvich, you'll still get the effects of it and it will be consumed. Only hold it in your hand or throw it to other players.

If you try to do a partner taunt with someone, make sure you're holding either your lunchbox item or a melee weapon that doesn't have the showdown taunt. That way, you don't kill anyone on accident.

Get creative with your outfits! Use the TF2 wiki and loadout.tf to see if something looks good.

Post any good ideas you have for outfits in the comments below! Don't forget to check there for more ideas!

And if you ever see me on a server...







Just use X+5

And yes, that is what my Heavy looks like