lmfao

Haaahahahahaahahaha holy fuckin shit my sides

Among Gary's last thoughts as the explosive energy finally relented its emission from his devastated anus, was how effervescent the feeling of Diet Coke and Three rolls of Mentos exploding out of his ass actually was and how unique an experience this must be in the history of human death and debauchery... and a passing wistful recollection that his rectum had seen worse back in the training camp... in the old moss covered Log cabin deep in the dark northern forests of Uzbekistan where he first met Ranoldo, where they huddled in the dark frigid nights, rubbing their bodies desperately together in a primal embrace to stay warm...sticky but warm...Then just before darkness overtook Gary's consciousness he noticed in the distance, Terry, Dan'l and Brad riding off and not even looking, spitefully oblivious to his glorious humiliating death...and his last firing neurons eeked out one final emote into the ether... you damn MAGA bastards!

"DIET COKE AND MENTOS could be in this ass" he thought, "I've never been in this anus before. There could be DIET COKE AND MENTOS anywhere." The cool wind felt good against his bare scrotum. "I HATE DIET COKE AND MENTOS" he thought. You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) reverberated against the water-disguised concrete, making his fully-shaved gonads retreat slightly into his masculine fupa, washing away his rational fear of diet coke and mentos. "With a boat, you can go anywhere you want" he said to himself, out loud.

Gary would never again let Ranoldo put mentos and diet coke into his anus. It was supposed to be a short river patrol.
"look at where we are" said Gary to himself as he careened head-first into a seemingly concrete lake at 150kph.
This wasnt the way he imagined dying. He had a happy childhood, he didn't deserve any of this. Gary's last moments consisted of the brief encounter Ronaldo and himself experienced in the communal restroom downriver where Ronaldo exposed himself rather forcefully to poor Gary. Poor Gary. He couldnt do a single thing because scopalamine is a hell of a drug.