Want to beat the game without upgrades? Worse at games than me? Perusing the community tab in steam? If you didn't answer yes to any of those, read this anyways. Never know when you might need to fight for the patriarchy.

I got too into the gameplay that I ended up wanting to beat the game without upgrades, so I did.

Unfortunately, this is a one-handed game so there all the tips and tricks here are mental.


The first step is getting your fingers on the keyboard. Position the first 2 fingers of each hand on the arrow keys. Sounds tryhard right? It really is.

The index and middle fingers of one hand should cover the down and side keys, and the other hand should cover the

On a standard PC keyboard, turn off the num lock option and look at number keys 4 and 6. You now have twice the power of the patriarchy.


Watch out for the colour, direction, and timing of the attack in that order. THEN press a key. Now that I'm reading this in my head, I feel like a dumbass for writing it down.


I know you didn't actually play the game with 2 hands until this fight because I didn't either. This is the part where I leaned forward.

You can mentally prepare yourself by keeping an imaginary grid where the attacks will prepare.

Put yourself into Jack's gloves and focus your gaze right in the middle. Try to tune out the music (or just vibe, you do you) and keep your peripheral vision open. Watch the attacks, not the woman. <Insert misogynistic joke>

If you input the wrong key, you can still correct yourself by tapping the right direction fast enough. When it's your turn to do the beating, always move a hand to the numpad to mash both the normal and numpad arrows. I haven't figured out if there's an hp threshold for every beating, but it's better than using 1 hand.

As of writing, you can't skip cutscenes on fights you haven't won yet. Scroll through the dialogue using your non playing fingers. Don't forget the fight speeds up every stage, so consider taking a breather to mentally reset.

Last but not least, stay hydrated.

That's about it folks, there isn't much else to optimise here. Not that you would need to do anything here if you just bought the training upgrades in the first place.

I actually forgot what I was going to name this section, but I took a couple of screenshots to celebrate my victory.



I blocked 150 times once and still lost by a good margin. Just pretend I was going for the block world record.


.....wait, I beat Wummy perfectly? Disregard the guide, just git gud.