WARNING
Do not read this guide if you do not want to be spoiled. I don't use spoiler tags in any of my guides so you have been warned.

Now onto the achievements...

Get your first achievement
Awarded for getting any of the other achievements as your first.
This achievement will unlock as soon as you get any other achievement. The easiest one to do is starting a game and spamming space.

Beat the game
Complete The Stanley Parable
To complete the game, don't deviate from the narration provided. When the narrator says, "Stanley took the door on the left", go left.

Test achievement please ignore
Test achievement description! Replace this!
1. Complete enough different endings for door 416 to open as "NEW CONTENT". Follow this path to completion.
2. Start a new game and go through the door again, there should be a huge neon sign pointing to the door now. Explore the Stanley Parable 2 exhibits, making sure to pull the lever for the 'free achievement' and getting the Stanley collectible.
3. Find the remaining five collectibles:
Under the stairs before the bosses office. In the executive bathroom in the bosses office.
Through the bosses office; before the elevator down. The cargo room on a wood plank path.
After taking the right door, drop off the cargo lift and follow that path the the red and blue doors.
Important: You cannot reach these doors while holding the bucket.
4. Start another new game; at the end of the hall the narrator will have an achievement hunter existential crisis and force you to recollect the collectibles a few times.
5. Once you finish the path, there will be an epilogue option in the main menu. Complete this path.
6. Return to the new content door, the trophy machine in the Stanley Parable 2 expo hall should now be working.

Welcome back!
Quit the game and then start it again.
This is an exact copy from the first game. Start a game, then close the application. Relaunch the game on Steam and then begin a new game and the achievement should pop.

You can't jump
No seriously, we disabled it.
Spam the spacebar a few times. The narrator will chide you and the achievement will pop.

Commitment
Play The Stanley Parable for the entire duration of a Tuesday.
Just like the original game, this achievement requires the game to be running from 12:00am Tuesday morning to 12:00am Wednesday morning. Since you only have one chance a week, to be safe I would launch the game at 11:30pm on Monday night, idle and only quit the game once you've seen that the achievement popped. (Turn off sleep functions to be safe).

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This is the same achievement from the original game. After a certain amount of time following the narrators instructions, you will be led to a door that requires a code. Simply spam the 8 key until you hear a voice say "eight", then this achievement unlock will unlock.

Click on door 430 five times
Click on door 430 five times.
This is another copied achievement from the original game. It sounds easy but it ends up being a series of tasks you must carry out.
1. Find door 430. It should be in the same room you start in.
2. Click door 430 5 times, and the narrator will reprimand you for expecting it to be so easy.
3. Click the door 20 times.
4. Click the door 50 times.
5. Find door 417 and click on it 20 times.
6. Find door 437 and click it 3 times.
7. Find door 415 and click it 10 times.
8. Return to door 437 and click it once.
9. Find the copy machine in the center of that same room and click it once.
10. Click door 417 again.
11. Find employee 419's desk (opposite 418 since that number is more prominent). You can't jump so you need to use the knocked over box and the chair as a ramp to climb on top of it.
12. Find door 416 and click it twice.
13. Return to the copy machine and click it once.
14. Click door 430 5 more times.
The achievement will pop after those 5 final clicks.

Speed run
Complete The Stanley Parable in under 4 minutes 22 seconds (not including load times).
You need to complete the narrator path in under 4 minutes and 22 seconds. This is the same as the main game, so I included a video tutorial from the first game:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzyZf8d3ftE
First familiarize yourself with the route the narrator wants you to take. You should play through several times, because eventually the code-locked door in the bosses office will already be open. Once you're sure you don't have to deal with the code you can start trying to speedrun.
Now you can begin new games until you get a better spawn. One will be the hallway right before the 'two door' choice, and the other is in the blue section of the office (turn right). Both cut a good amount of time off your run. Just know your path and try not to get stuck on corners and this achievement is pretty easy.

Settings World Champion
Set all setting sliders in the menu to all the available numbers.
On the main screen click settings. Drag all sliders fully to the left, then use the right arrow key to make sure you don't miss any numbers, click through all options, and toggle all buttons on and off. Here are the settings you need to mess with for this achievement:
General

• FOV (slider)
  
• Mouse Sensitivity (slider)
  
• Camera Sensitivity (slider)
  
• Invert Y (button)
  
• Controller Vibration (button)
  
• One-Handed Walking (button)
  
• Language (list)
  
• Show Subtitles (button)
  
• Subtitle Size (list)
  
• Subtitle Background Opacity (slider)
  
• Show Translation Labels (button)
  
• Translation Label Size (list)
  
• Translation Label Background Opacity (slider)
  
• Show Color Labels (button)
  
• Show Content Warnings (button)

Volume

• Main Volume (slider)
  
• Narrator Volume (slider)
  
• Music Volume (slider)
  
• Sound Effects Volume (slider)

Video

• V-Sync (button)
  
• Fullscreen Mode (list)
  
• Resolution (list)
  
• Anti-Aliasing (list)
  
• Quality Profile (list)

Controls

• Simplified Controls (button)

Super Go Outside
Don't play The Stanley Parable for ten years.
Step 1: brave the outdoors
Step 3: ???
Step 4: profit

Jokes aside, this achievement is the exact same as the first game except instead of 5 years it's 10 years. Finish all other achievements you want to do first, then uninstall the game so you never accidentally launch it. Wait for 10 years, plus a day or two just to be safe, relaunch the game and bravo! You touched grass.

I would be remissed if I did not at least mention a few ways to do some of these achievements easier. I think it's more rewarding to do them as legitimately as possible, but every achievement hunter has their own standards they hold themselves to.

Commitment
Okay fine, it doesn't have to be a Tuesday to get this achievement. Set the date and time to any Monday at 11:58pm in your computer settings. Turn your computer on hibernation mode, then turn it off and back on. Go into BIOS and change the time to 11:58pm on Tuesday and save. Boot the system and launch the game. After a few minutes once the time reaches midnight, you should get this achievement as well as a pox on your family.

Super Go Outside
You can play the game, quit, then set your computers clock ahead by 10 years. Launch the game with this new date and the achievement should pop, along with your self-respect.

Thanks so much for reading my guide. I was so excited when I learned that they were making a revamped Stanley Parable like a lot of other long-time Steam gamers. I hope I did this game justice! If this guide was helpful for you give it an upvote or a Steam award, and of course if you need any extra help leave a comment and I, or someone else, will give you an answer as swiftly as possible.