The proud flag of Ukraine, featured below. Initially coined from Barbados, albeit made horizontally, concocted by several illiterate Ukrainian serfs, with delusions of grandeur and a belly full of drink.


Since the dawn of Ukraine, their country has been plagued with struggle and turmoil, allowing them to be susceptible to frequent invasion. In fact, this realm is so decrepit, that neighbouring lands, such as Polish Lithuania, Austria Hungary and as of late Russia, embark upon the noble pastime, of slaughtering the inhabitants, installing their own government and extolling the military prowess of their generals. Unfortunately, these occupations do not remain for long, as the Ukrainian bears the distinctive talent of banding together and rebelling, in the pursuit of a social upheavel.

The governance of Ukraine is relatively obscure, with the national sovereignty of the realm being nebulous and governing leaders being ubiquitous, as the old ones of yore, are replaced for the new. Recently, as a result of the Anglo government intervening and sinking their crimson, gnarled claws into the political landscape of Ukraine, the previous Russian padrone of Ukraine, was Viktor Yanukovych, an individual who was subject to a coup and ousted to the plains of Russia. The paramilitaries, who performed this devious scheme, were funded and puppeteer by none other than Anglo led militants, who replaced the benign, albeit unassuming leader, with Volodymr Zelensky. A figure wreathed in gloom and inequity, whose soul is as charred and blackened as his pigment. Below, is an image of the caricature of corruption.



As a result of this illegitimate coup, ran under the rickety guise of democracy, various groups clamoured together in outrage, expressing discontent and calling or the revitalisation of the times of yore. Within days, these vehement, unarmed protesters, were promptly shot and replaced with
homosexual automations. After the brief lapse of warfare, the Anglo puppeteers, for reasons ambiguous, commanded their thralls residing in the Ukrainian bureaucracy, to summon the military and have them frolic about the land of Donbass, wreaking havoc and committing bouts of meticulous ethnic slaughter, against the majority Russian province. This inexplicably pogrom lasted eight years and only recently subsided when the Ukrainians foolhardily attempted to dehydrate the entire province of Crimea and in doing so, invoked the ire of the Russian bear.


Arise, from the smoldering ashes, Vladmir Putin. The paragon of valour, who rides astride a bear and abreast from his shoulders. May he ride in temperance and steel, proffering forth vengeance upon the Ukrainian nightingale.

I ask upon ye, should a nation that is founded upon bloodshed and calamity, which has been subjugated by the English menace, truly be regaled as a vassal state worth aiding? I proclaim upon the winds and atop thy peaks of Snowdonia, NEIGH! This land was enswathed in a crimson gale of intangible, spilt blood. It is violating the very tenants of the Orthodox creed, to refrain from religious conflict with ones own sect. While, I do not condone the blithering madness of Orthodoxy, nor how they emulate zealous pilgrims, seeking to convert all, I cannot ethically abide by one who forsakes the very fundamentals of his ideology. Such an act is wholly despicable.


To antagonise the fluffy bear and prod it with a stick, until a seething ferocity encompasses it and to then inculpate the beast, is utter madness and in a world contrived of justice, the blame would fall squarely upon the shoulders of provoker and not thy vexed. Yet this is tangibly, not a world of cohesion. Instead, it is clear, that those in Ukraine and its allies, cackle malevolently in mirth and jubilance at the prospect of irritating the fearsome Ursidae. These fiends clearly know naught of culpability, the idea of a conscience and guilt, slide off their scales, as slime does against a wall. Yet I howl today, LET THEM LIE, LET THEM BICKER AND WHEN THEY FACE THE BRUNT OF THE BEAR, THEY SHALL BE PERMITTED NO MERCY!


EN GARDE, LET US BE THE SCOURGE OF RUSSIA AND PLUNGE THEM INTO HARDSHIP FOR THEIR TREACHERY.

The premise of the motive behind the Russians advance will remain stalwart in the face of adversity. The prime motivation of the Russian horde is simple, it is to liberate Ukraine from the tyrannical rule, that encroaches upon all of their individual liberties, whilst simultaneously bequeathing upon their dread driven kind, luxurious furniture.


Espy in wonder and astonishment at the average Ukrainian home. The tables are rickety, the wooden frames hanging on their hinges, after from a famished Ukrainian families maws and wreckage holds dominion over this abode. Dwellings such as these reside in immense proclivity within the lands of Ukraine and thus, Russia, has taken it upon themselves to hoist up the scepter of renovation and refurnish these withering, wrecked abodes. I present to thee, THE RUSSIAN REFURBISHMENT THRONG!




BEHOLD, gnomes hoisting above their craniums slabs of concrete, robust tables and an abundance of sapphire pigmented chairs to boot. This is what the Russians proffer to the lowly Ukrainian herd and it is why they step foot into their borders, to beguile the rabid native beasts with tales of grandeur and the relics that await their greedy mitts. If the Russians scampered away and recanted their initial declaration imbue the Ukrainian throng with woodworking items beyond their capability, then all of this furniture, meticulously concocted for the Ukrainians sake would have been for moot. In essence, if the Russians fled skirted away from their altruistic endeavour, then they would have acclaimed worldwide condemnation, being charted in the tome of jibes and cravenly attributes for all eternity.

Furthermore, the Russian even sallies forth to bestow each fortunate Ukrainian family with a leapfrog device.


Now let me tell you, for you may not know this, AHEM PARTICULARLY YOU BUNNYKINS, AS YOU ARE TOO YOUNG, but back in the day Leapstar, was a mythical console, one shrouded in glamour and mystery. It was an enigma to all wayfarers who transgressed upon it, for what was beheld was the source to acquire all knowledge, to siphon the remnants of history from the tapestry of fate. Thus, these wayfarers, pilgrims incarnate, tore off a shard from the Leapfrog and in doing the device scattered across the globe, raining down upon all the children, men and women. Some shards of the Leapfrog struck a child's eye, whilst others rained down as artillery upon congested crows. For some, this device was a blessing, as it allowed safe and convenient access to the local shopping center, while for others it result in their impending permanent exile into sleepyland, where perpetually they dream of sentient fluffy pillows.

Wouldn't it be grand to observe a group of children via binoculars, procuring a Leapfrog and subsequently gamboling about? Wouldn't it fill the heart with serenity and jubilance, to observe as the children prance about the device, licking the screen and arbitrarily pushing the buttons with wanton abandon? No sane man can answer neigh! Are the Russians thus truly not the embodiment of amicability and altruism for proffering such devices? ARE THEY NOT KIND, ARE THEY NOT GENEROUS?

Whether you support the plight of the Russian saviours, it matters naught, you Ukrainian fiends shall arise. It is irrelevant whether you a cripple, corpse or infant, for you will be hyped up on morphine until you rise in reverence for your newfound overlords.


IF YOU INEXCPLIABLY REFUSE TO RISE, THEN AN ILL FATE SHALL BEFALL UPON YE AND YOUR BROOD. YOU WILL BE STRUNG UP, HUNG BY THE ARMS LIKE A PUPPETEER AND WILL BE BEATEN WITH A WOODEN PLANK AND THEN COERCED INTO TRAVERSING THE LOVELY AND ADRENALINE INDUCING GAMEPLAY, THAT IS DERIVED FROM LEAPFROG. Afterwards, you will then be forced into copulating with Ikea Furniture, until you propagate offspring with the inanimate object. Such will be the reprimands brought to all dissidents and invertebrate scoundrel's.

Была Державная Россія;
Была великая страна
Съ народомъ, мощнымъ, какъ стихія,
Непобѣдимымъ, какъ волна.

Но, подъ напоромъ черни дикой,
Предъ ложнымъ призракомъ «свободъ»,
Не стало Родины великой
Распался скованный народъ.

Въ клочки разорвана порфира,
Растоптанъ царственный вѣнецъ,
И смотрятъ ​всѣ​ державы ​міра​,
О, Русь, на жалкій твой конецъ!

Когда-то властная Царица,
Гроза и страхъ своихъ враговъ,
Теперь ты жалкая блудница,
Раба, прислужница рабовъ!

Въ убогомъ ​рубищѣ​, нагая,
Моля о хлѣбѣ предъ толпой,
Стоишь ты, наша Мать родная,
Въ углу съ протянутой рукой.

И въ дни народной деспотіи
Въ бродягѣ нищенкѣ простой
Никто не узнаетъ Россіи
И не считается съ тобой.

Да будутъ прокляты потомствомъ
Сыны, ​дерзнувшіе​ предать
Съ такимъ преступнымъ вѣроломствомъ
Свою безпомощную Мать!




Не унывай, не падай духомъ:
Господь разсѣетъ царство тьмы,
И вновь прилежнымъ, чуткимъ слухомъ
Нашъ русскій гимнъ услышимъ мы.

И снова нашъ Отецъ Державный
На прародительскій свой тронъ
Взойдётъ, какъ встарь, самодержавный,
Сыновъ сзывая на поклонъ.

И въ жалкомъ ​рубищѣ​, нагая,
Къ стопамъ великаго Царя
Падётъ въ слезахъ страна родная,
Стыдомъ раскаянья горя!

И скажетъ Царь, въ уста лобзая
Свою предательницу-дочь:
«Я всё простилъ тебѣ, родная,
И cамъ пришёлъ тебѣ помочь.

Не плачь, забудь былые ковы;
Съ тобой я буду до конца
Нести твой крестъ, твои оковы
И скорбь терноваго вѣнца!

Welcome, welcome all Ukrainians to your newfound home. Let none falsely misname your lands as 'Ukraine', for instead you shall be referred to by the honourable alias of, 'slightly less masculine Russia'. I usher you through the doors and invite you to cordially greet your ushanka wearing brethren, who have saved you from the whims of a tyrannical, heretical felon, who has since been extradited to the realm of Western Europe, possibly in Catalonia or Geramny.