noita dad big floaty guy with reflection shield who shoots lasers at you with his gun
alchemist drops a bunch of letters letters, which you can use to spell the sentence "infinite circle of vigor" and when you spell that you get infinite circle of vigor which is good i guess

noita dad is called noita dad cuz i said so (and he looks like big noita)

also you need to kill him

if you kill him you get greek letters which ignore spell charges including black hole and healing shot!!

noita dad is left of left of left of left of left of left of squidward and his lava orb
in laymans terms that means:
go to mines
take a left to collapsed mines
take a left to go to dark cave (ew why is it so dark)
take a left to go to noita dad cave (lots of dead people and sheep juice)
take a left to get to orb room (no orb in orb room cuz noita dad ate it already)

but who likes dark cave anyway smh
in order to avoid talking to, looking at, or thinking about the dark cave you must:
go left of new game spawn location
arrive at tree
go up tree
oh no acid monsters!
run away from acid monsters
continue climbing up tree
wait this is a sheer cliff
use digging spell to make hole to stand in
go up tree
arrive at top of tree
go left of tree into winter land
go left on surface of winter land until see noita dad cave under
dig there
go to noita dad orb room

yay!!! now we can abandon dark cave and not think about him!
(dark cave not noita dad)

if you can't read and need a map then i have one right heree


also kinda important fact i forgot to mention is that you won't be killing him with simple silly mine weapons anytime soon so you want to get powerful spells and wands BEFORE killing him in order to make even BETTER spells and wands.

one example of how to get to him without any digging spells:

he's doin good
well until you go and kill him that is

but hey he can't blame you, those letters are pretty darn sweet

well his time is up and it's time to spell some spells
with the letters
from his corpse
get it?


anyways once you get to him his attacks are:
shoot purple orb at you
said orb creates three particle wands in the air before it vanishes
those wands are pointed at your location
after a second they will fire

the wands that he can make are:
black wand: shoots lazr beam
white wand: cooler lazr that destroys terrain
blue wand: zappy zappy thunder zap
red wand: TAKE COVER *FWOOOSH* (it makes oneshot meteor shoot at you, avoid)

so yeah anyways real easy to avoid if you bring a teleport wand. Even easier if you fight him in noita dad cave instead of orb room.

anyways that is how to survive noita dad but how do you kill him?

well

his stats are:



so that means:
projectile damage is weaker
immunity to slice
immunity to most status effects like frozen or sheepification


he only has a measly 1000 hp so your casual everyday machine gun death wand will take him down...
or will it?
it won't
don't do it
it is suicide

so noita dad has this shield see
it reflects all projectiles
also if you melee him you might get vaporized but idk havn't checkd

after a few seconds shield will come down
this is the time to strike
but don't use epic death machine gun laser death murder vaporization wand!
whenever he takes damage he puts his shield up for a sec
that means high-damage, low-firerate wands are the ones to go

certain spells are perfect for this such as:
magic missile
firebolt
zappy zappy laser thunder
seventy damage ups on a single spark bolt
ect.
because he has no resistance to explosion damage you should blow him up
note that because noita game is funny and likes pranks the explosion damage listed in the spell description is exactly four times as much as the actual damage from the spell

so anyways the game plan is:

clear out noita dad cave
lure noita dad into noita dad cave
just kinda hide until his shield goes down
shoot him once with magic missile, or whatever else you found
hide
oh no he shot red wand at me run!!!
dodge meteor spell like a pro
repeat

once you killed him you might be low on health
but where do you get more health?
where cna you get another full heal?
oh no!
we need to think about dark cave!
so yeah dark cave has full heal in it just murder a worm and eat it and you willb e good

for *✨letter✨* of course!

once you kill him you will get four geek letters, out of a loot pool of 10 (9 letters 1 wand refresh spell)

in order to make spells infinite you just have to make the greek spells trigger your limited spell
for example


gamma in first slot, circle of vigor in second

that's how you get infinite healing!

also only a small percentage
of people that watch my videos are actually
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sources:
i killed him like three times and one of those times i actually survived so i have experience
so uh yeah this guide is worthless and i hate it goodbyee

only reason i made this guide was because furyforged didn't have one, but that has changed