In order to act like an asshat, one has to have the proper equipment. And the proper equipment is the Force-A-Nature, Bonk! Atomic Punch, and The Sandman or Frying Pan. I know you're thinking "Wow, putting the Scout achievement weapons as the asshat loadout? What a n00b." I do object, fine sir (or madam)! I shall explain why each weapon adds to your asshat-aura. First, the Force-A-Nature has a knockback to your enemy on each shot, allowing you to mess up your foe's aim or push them into an environmental hazard like the furnace in Foundry. The FaN also can give you a triple jump (or quadruple jump if you have the Atomizer eqiupped) if you double jump, then shoot at the ground with the FaN, causing you to be knocked into the air, allowing you to get to, say, snipers by jumping then going up stairs or something. Bonk! Atomic Punch or B!AP (for those that are terribly uninformed) is a drink that replaces your pistol that makes you invulnerable for 8 seconds, but also unable to attack, allowing you to charge right past an enemy team's rock-hard defense. For an instant, imagine you're an engineer who has chosen the perfect strategic position to put his sentry after so much thought and you can't wait to rack up those points! Then a B!AP scout runs right past your "perfect" position. The melee position in this assy-loadout can be either the Sandman or the frying pan. The Sandman is a wooden bat that reduces your health, but gives you a baseball that you can use to stun people to bludgeon to death with your love of baseball (Go Sox!). The frying pan comes when you buy Left 4 Dead 2 and is equal to the default bat, but everytime you hit someone, CLANG! The clang is EXTREMELY loud and annoying (I've actually seen people get kicked for using frying pans). Now that the loadout is set, it is time to move onto basic techniques.

Now I'm going to give you a list of techniques for being an @ss,

• Run circles around your enemies. If you have the oppurtunity to do ti, do it. Running around them is an easy way to spark their anger, especially if your enemy is a heavy or Wranglin' engie. Use B!AP to escape if it goes wrong

• Taunting. Everytime you get a kill (and you aren't about to be killed) taunt right after. The poor fellow's freeze cam will be showing your smug face. Also taunt with the bat or Sandman when you sneak up behind someone to perform an insta-kill home run.

• Spawncamp. This can either be extremely easy or incredibly difficult depending on your and the enemy team's experience, but if pulled off correctly, you can cause them to try almost everything, If you're a bit nervous, ask an unoccupied HeavyMed team to come with you.

• Mic. This can get you kicked and depends on if you have a mic or not, but if you say something really annoying over allspeak (Let your imagination run wild!), beams of hatred will be sent to you not only by the opposing team, but your team as well.

• Need a dispenser here! Spam it. To you, "Need a dispenser here!" will be love and life.

Those poor sons of b!tch3s. Gather up a team of 2 or more scouts (preferably with the annoyance loadout, but it doesn't matter) and wreak havoc on the opposing team's patience. Make the air be full of "Bonk!" and clangs, and boston accents and the strong musk of lobster and baseball fields. Think of the possibilities! You could be running around a demoman who is unsuccessfully trying to blow you to smithereens while your friend is bludgeoning him to death! Or imagine ten scouts, all with frying pans, and shortly after they start their clanging, their is a mass-exodus from the server you're on! I-it's beautiful. It brings a salty tear to my eye.

And now, as I pass on my scouthole ways from me to you, I must tell you the key to being an @ss-scout. Paitience. If you can't handle the kicks and the bans and the insults and the server loading times and the pyros and the heavies and the engies, don't become a scouthole. Play TF2 like you normally would. If you can handle those consequences, don't play every game as a scouthole. Hell, my favorite class is engie. And now, I must bid you, adieu.