In this guide, I will try to provide useful information on every single weapon in the game. This includes a brief description of the weapon or an explanation of how it works. I might also include some personal experience regarding the weapon if necessary. Additional information (such as statistics and damage numbers, etc.) can be found at http://wiki.teamfortress.com/. Note that this is not a 'beginner's guide', I kinda assumed that you at least know most of the weapons in the game. Sorta like an intermediate guide, I guess.

I'll try to include every weapon that every class can use. Including ones that I have never owned or seen, even. I don't claim to be an expert at every single weapon in the game, and I will mention that with weapons that I don't use or see very often. But I'll try to keep it interesting.


Due to a large amount of recent weapon tweaks, I have slightly changed some of the weapon notes. They should be up to date now. I bet you just love how spy-cicle gives 10 seconds of fireproofing now.

Scattergun
Description: Stock Scout weapon. A lever action shotgun that does way too much damage at close range.
This gun is unfairly strong for some reason. It can kill most people in 2 shots at close range. Thats less than 2 seconds in most cases. But you also need really good aim to use this weapon.

Force-A-Nature
Description: Achievement Scout weapon. A tiny double barreled shotgun that does even more damage than the scattergun and sends victims halfway across the map.
This one does even more damage at close range and sends people flying like that soccer ball you see in spawn during TF2's birthday. You can also jump more by firing the weapon at the ground while jumping.
You should know this though: Because this weapon only has 2 bullets per clip, you actually do less damage over time than the scattergun. With the Force a nature, you pretty much can only pop 2 times and then run away, hopefully killing one person at a time.

Shortstop
Description: A pistol with 4 barrels that fires 4 bullets per shot and has 4 shots per clip.
A more accurate scout primary that does ALOT less damage (about 40% less than scattergun's damage). It also shares ammo with the pistol, so if you equip both, you will run out of ammo alot. I don't think most people do this, but I once tried to use this after drinking crit-a-cola, and managed to kill a scout halfway across the map that was running away for health.

Soda Popper
Description: A broken double barreled shotgun bound to a Crit-a-Cola. It's supposed to provide the gun with mini-crits, but that was back when the game actually made sense.
I haven't gotten this gun from drops since the nerf (and yes, it IS a nerf.) From what I heard, if you run around for a while with this gun, then you can jump like a bunny on crack or something. Personally, I think the atomizer bat would be a better option for loonies who want to hoppity hop hop like a raving rabbit.

Baby Face's Blaster
Description: An older looking lever-action shotgun that gives you speed hax.
When you shoot people with this gun, the side chamber of this gun will spray you with concentrated caffeine or some other stimulant drug. Then you can run around faster than any human, about as fast as a cheetah. Speaking of which, it makes you look like a cheater with the speedhax. Personally, I'd just shoot this weapon enough times to get the full speed boost, then run around and hit people with a bat. How else did you think I got 50 kills on a crappy atomizer?

Back Scatter
Description: A bulky scattergun that shoots invisible spy knives at people.
It does more damage at people's backs because it shoots spy knives. So scouts can backstab people as well. That makes three classes in the game that can backstab people as of now. However, the fact that squeezing spy knives into a tiny gun like this limits the clip size to 4 compared to the normal scattergun's 6.


Stock Pistol
Description: A small pistol with 12-bullet clip size and bad accuracy.
Alot of scouts like to use this at long range against sentries or other buildings. Either that, or finish off people who are running away with low health. I have nothing else to say about this weapon.

Bonk! Atomic Punch
Description: An extremely unhealthy high-calorie drink that can keep you alive.
Well, the scout isn't going to get obese anytime soon (I hope), so he can drink all the soda he likes. This drink basically keeps you alive for 8 seconds and then has to wait to refill. Alot of times I see people drink this and then run in front of 3 sentries, get pinned to the sky and then painfully die.

Crit-a-Cola
Description: A less popular brand of soda. To boost popularity, its makers had the drink buffed about 2 or 3 times since it first came out. First it had bonus movement speed, and now it lets you take less damage than before. But it still isn't getting any more popular for some reason.
I would usually drink this when playing capture the flag.

Mad Milk
Description: A jar of milk that is actually a highly advanced technology in the form of health-sapping nanites. If you shoot at enemies covered in this non-milk substance, the nanites will leech the spilled blood and fly over to you and heal you with their blood. Kinda like transfusion grenades in borderlands.
People like to yell at scouts in mvm to always carry mad milk.

Winger Pistol
Description: A flashy pistol with 5-bullet clip size and bad accuracy.
It does slightly more damage than the pistol, but I tried it once and I could never kill this sentry that's halfway across the map. May work better as a finishing weapon.

Pretty Boy Pocket Pistol
Description: A small pistol initially meant to compensate for the jump penalty on the Baby Face's Blaster. It also does NOT slightly raise the scout's max HP.
I've seen this used a few times. It fires slower than other pistols and if you use this, it will be the equivalent of splashing a barrel of gasoline on yourself. As soon as you catch fire, you will burn to death within 5 seconds. of putting a gravestone over your head. Because by equipping this you are telling the enemy team that you are prettier than them. Their jealousy of your beauty will cause them to do more damage to you and makes killing you easier. (Because your max HP is NOT increased)
P.S. It does say 'wearer never takes falling damage', but it doesnt appear to protect you from falling off large cliffs or into the Nucleus on the map Nucleus.

Flying Guillotine
Description: A sharpened butcher knife, lightweight and can be thrown.
This thing appears to be meant for exclusive use with the sandman bat to make critical combos. It does sound pretty cool...until you actually try that loadout yourself. I never managed to make more than 1 successful combo kill per round, everyone and their grandma can somehow dodge your cleavers while stunned, and the combo doesnt kill heavies. You might have better luck than I did, or not.

Lugermorph Pistol
Description: A small pistol used by rabbits or people wearing decapitated rabbit heads as hats.
To get this weapon, you have to play cards with rabbits.
http://www.indiana.edu/~jkkteach/P335/rabbit1.html

Stock Bat
Description: A bent metal baseball bat.
Only new players use this weapon, because they dont have other choices. Or because it has cheap christmas lights wrapped all over it.

Sandman Bat
Description: A wooden bat that comes with a free baseball to bonk people with.
With ungodly aiming skills, you can hit this baseball at people from far away and stun them for a respectable amount of time. People like to combo this with the flying guillotine (See above section) and do alot of damage. I once used the sandman bat in medieval mode and hit across the map from the castle top and eventually got the moon shot achievement.

Holy Mackerel
Description: A dead fish wrapped in the school homework that's due tomorrow.
For some reason, it feels really humiliating to be killed by this thing, even though it has the exact same damage and stats as the regular stock bat. It's also Level 42, which makes it the best thing ever.

Candy Cane
Description: A cute candy cane that is actually a dispenser for medical pill bottles.
Every kill you make while carrying this candy cane will cause a bottle of pills to pop out the corpse. This includes suiciding yourself. I have tried this thing in games, though, and soldiers can pretty much kill you in 1 hit.

Boston Basher
Description: A spiked club that probably didn't originate in Boston.
I heard that pro scouts like to hit themselves with this to build medic ubercharges. Aside from that, a few days ago I was playing as a soldier and a scout who missed all his shots ran at me with this thing out. He swung at me, missed and hit himself, and then ran around bleeding and died.

Sun on a Stick
Description: A stick with a yellow orb at the end. It's all spiky too and the instructions tell you that the spiky end goes into the other man.
I have tried using this and then tagging along with a pyro. Unfortunately, he turned out to be one of those W+M1 pyros and likes to walk into groups of 3 enemies, and sentry guns.

Fan O' War
Description: A large fan that does close to slightly more than no damage.
This weapon seems to be designed specifically for mvm, until you realize that mvm didn't exist when this weapon first came out. What I do know is that having the strange fan o war in the super rare crate was totally on purpose. And if you unboxed one of these... well I feel sorry for you.

Unarmed Combat
Description: A dismembered arm of a Spy. I'm guessing the Flying Guillotine was involved.
I don't see this being used alot. It is identical in stats to the fish in the newspaper. And it isn't always Level 42, so that's a bummer.

Three-Rune Blade
Description: A sword that inflicts open wounds that causes bleeding. Reminds me of Diablo 2.


Atomizer
Description: A plastic wiffle bat with Bonk decals.
How can you possibly kill anybody with a wiffle bat? Answer: you don't. This lightweight bat allows you to jump 3 times and be even more annoying than usual. If you're pro, that is. When I used this, I tended to still get hit just as often as normally and sometimes die because of using the extra jump at the wrong time.

Wrap Assassin
Description: Gift-wrapping paper. Too bad it's not worth as much as actual Gift Wrap.
I used this once. It can send out a ball thing that causes bleed. Other than that, it took about 7 or so hits to kill this one engineer guy. I also remember someone getting 1 kill with it in the entire round and was very excited about it. It was a turbine CTF round too, so you can only imagine how long it took.

Well, that was pretty long, but it was only just one class! If we are going to go over every single weapon... But of course, let's do the Soldier next.

Stock Rocket Launcher
Description: It looks kinda like a trumpet, but really it fires rockets with perfect accuracy.
While this weapon is a one hit kill in Call of Duty, it doesnt work like that here. However, 2 or 3 shots is still enough to kill almost every enemy. It's good at close range, it's good at medium range, and it does alot of damage too. I can totally see why the soldier is the first class to learn in the training maps.

Direct Hit
Description: Streamlined rocket launcher that fires very fast rockets and do more damage.
Soldiers who use this fall into 2 categories: those who miss all the shots and those who hit everyone at all times. I couldn't hit any human players while using this. I'm guessing this is reserved for those people who have ridiculous aiming skills.

Black Box
Description: I remember seeing this used in an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.
This works like the mad milk. The rockets used by this launcher are laced with the healing nanite stuff and heals you when you hit enemies with them. A very popular weapon that you will see alot. However, Valve has nerfed the amount of nanites per rocket.

Liberty Launcher
Description: An All-American, patriotic rocket launcher that used to be very good.
This rocket launcher used to be very good. I know, because I used to use it. I was able to get even with a pro atomizer jumpin' beans scout because of this weapon. But of course, those days are over. This weapon now take more than 3 shots to kill a pyro. Which is pretty sad.

Rocket Jumper
Description: A harmless version of the Stock Rocket Launcher, with orange safety paint.
It does no damage, but you can use it to learn how to move effectively with rocket jumping. You will still take fall damage. I've seen people use this and try to shoot it at other people. I dont think that guy ever got any kills with it though. It's also pretty useful in mvm as seen here.
Aside from that, this is a favorite weapon of soldiers who want to farm market gardener kills. I'll tell you more about that when we get to the market gardener.

Original
Description: A rocket launcher that appears at a rather inappropriate location on your screen.
I believe this is a shoutout to an old game I never played. But other than that, it fires rockets from the center rather than from the right or left sides of the screen, so you can no longer shoot around corners.

Cow Mangler 5000
Description: A really cool looking energy-based wave launcher.
I like this weapon alot. It is basically the stock rocket launcher, but looks way cool and can charge up a very strong shot with the right click. So basically I sit in the back and spam this charged shot at snipers and other spawn gates or something. Totally credit to team.
Like all energy-based weapons, it does tiny damage to buildings and sentry guns.

Beggar's Bazooka
Description: A poorly-cobbled up thing that barely resembles a rocket launcher.
This is a very good rocket launcher as well. Basically you hold down the left click and store up to 3 rockets in this thing, then release the button to fire 3 rocket all at once. Very good at closer ranges. It has bad accuracy though, and doesnt get ammo from dispensers because if it did, soldiers would just camp next to them and spam this thing all day.
In the past, I've seen soldiers that basically fly in the air indefinitely and bomb everyone within a second using this weapon. It's since been nerfed, so you good folks won't have to worry about that anymore. I think.

Air Strike
Description: A bomb shaped launcher that shoots (take a guess) more bombs.
Because of the weird shape, this launcher has to be loaded with a different type of rocket that does slightly less damage and only have 3 rockets inside at a time. Luckily for you, though, you can attach the body parts of dead enemies on this launcher to make room for more rockets, up to 8 if you can get the kills. And then you'll know why this weapon is called Air Strike.
It's designed alongside the same theme as the parachute backpack, and they look nice together.

Stock Shotgun
Description: A reliable shotgun that several classes can use.
For soldiers, the shotgun is primarily a backup weapon for the rocket launcher. Usually to finish off enemies or for when the rocket launcher clip was used up, I believe. As someone who doesn't use the shotgun very much, I don't really have much more to tell you.

Buff Banner
Description: A backpack and a trumpet set that makes your allies feel more confident.
I remember this was one of the first weapons I ever got from drops. (The other was the Chargin' Targe.) Basically I tried it out, switched to it, clicked, and nothing ever happened. Apparently you have to deal alot of damage in order to earn the 'right' to blow the trumpet. I'm pretty sure this isn't how real war banners work. But anyway, if you somehow survive long enough to use this, feel free to blow the trumpet, as it will make nearby allies feel more confident about themselves and deal more damage to enemies. For the achievement, though, you need to buff around 15 people without dying. Good luck with that. I pretty much stayed in spawn to get that one.

Battalion's Backup
Description: An older radio transmission box that comes with a rusty bugle.
A defensive banner that gives you more max HP. By all means, why not. I remember back when nobody ever used this. The banner also makes your heart feel stronger and withstand critical hits and sentry sprays.

Gunboats
Description: Funboots that help with rocket jumping.
This is a non-selectable weapon. Basically you cannot hold it in front of you, but you get its benefits, which in this case is decent protection from rocket jump self-damage. It's a great choice for secondary.

Concheror
Description: All praise the almighty magic conch shell!
A magic healing conch shell that grants health regen and, when blown, will spread healing nanites in the air and... yeah I think this is getting a bit old by now.

Reserve Shooter
Description: A skill-indexed shotgun for people with fast reflexes and good aim.
This gun is designed for weapon switch combos. It will do lots of damage to enemies launched in the air by rockets or other reasons (like if they jump for some reason), and anybody who switches to this weapon has about 5 seconds to get this bonus damage. So basically, to use this weapon well, you have to be really fast at aiming at an enemy who is in the air, actually hit them, and have 5 seconds to do all of this. I'm sure you can tell by now that I don't use this weapon much either.

Mantreads
Description: A set of boots with sharp spikes at the bottom. You can't see the spikes, but I'm pretty sure they are there.
If you happen to wear this and then rocket jump and land on somebody, they will eat the spikes. It usually only does around 100 damage though, so don't expect to kill anyone at max HP using this thing.

Base Jumper
Description: A backpack with a torn parachute inside.
A parachute that allows the user to fall slowly and gracefully. I would be lying to you if I said this wasn't a great thing to have. Definitely fun for people who havent gotten too familiar with rocket jump landing and shooting from the air.

Righteous Bison
Description: A energy laser pistol that you can shoot all day long.
This weapon is so special, that it gets its own section. Definitely not because I ran out of space on the previous section. There is basically no other weapon like this one. I love this weapon to bits. Just stand in one spot, point at where the enemies are (or could be) and spray. The shots will kill pretty much anybody who walks into them. I've had a 111 killstreak with this weapon at one point. There's no reason not to use this weapon.

Shovel
Description: A shovel with a cool flip-up animation.
A shovel that you can use to hit people with. Or hit yourself with if you happen to unbox one.

Escape Plan
Description: A pickaxe that was nerfed like 20 times.
It used to be that no soldier would ever use anything other than this. However, now that it's nerfed like that many times, there seems to be some more variety with soldier melees (e.g. this or the whip or the Pro MLG liberty shovel)

Pain Train
Description: A club with a large tack at the tip
This is a pretty useful weapon for both the soldier and demo. But only for the demo. Personally I don't think this weapon is very good for the soldier. I'll explain it in the Demo Melee section.

Half Zatoichi
Description: A katana.
Another weapon that is better for the demoman than for soldiers. Basically, when you hold out this weapon, you are bound by the laws of bushido to not switch back to other weapons until you kill someone or hug a closet of some kind. You are also honorbound to get killed in one hit by other katana wielders.

Disciplinary Action
Description: A whip which you can use to punish naughty teammates (and enemies)
This thing can hit people from 10 feet away.It also makes allies whom you've hit run faster because they are getting more excited when you hit them with this. No idea why.

Market Gardener
Description: A pro MLG liberty shovel.
It does lots of damage when you are rocket jumping in the air. Not upon landing, and definitely not after you've landed. Not for people with lots of lag in their computers. I think I ever only got 1 kill with this thing. Due to the tiny window where this weapon can get critical hits, people like to use this weapon to show how MLG they are. But then they use the easy way out when they equip parachutes and try to slowly float towards you with this shovel.

Equalizer
Description: A pickaxe that was the lovechild of Escape Plan and Super Nerf 5000.
This pickaxe was the result of all the nerfs of the Escape Plan (which used to be called 'Equalizer'), so you can kinda tell that this was an entirely unnecessary weapon. Personally, with the extra mark-for-death nerfs on the escape plan, it should be merged with this weapon back again. I don't think it will happen, though.

Stock Flame Thrower
Description: A flame thrower that does fire damage.
This is the default weapon of pyros, and it will also be highly customizable. You can add christmas lights to it, sling a robot head on it, or even paint it a gold color. Unfortunately, painting it gold can cost hundreds of dollars worth of tickets. Or buy it on the market for around 50 dollars. Or you can spray random patterns on it and pretend it's a factory new CS:GO weapon. (They should totally add flamethrowers into CS:GO, by the way)

Backburner
Description: A Stock Flame Thrower outfitted with a dragon-head muzzle.
For the life of me I could never figure out how outfitting a dragon-head muzzle on the flame thrower can make it cause horrendous damage at people's backs. I suppose that the muzzle is partially blocked, which can lead to more ammo needed to airblast, but really now.

Degreaser
Description: A Flame Thrower made from a car muffler and a kitchen stove.
I'm guessing this thing weights alot less than the other flamethrowers, so that weapon switching speed is greatly increased. Lots of good players like using this weapon for the switch speed, which they use to cause cheap and guaranteed critical damage at enemies. I once heard someone say that pyros have all the crits. Now you can see why.

Phlogistinator
Description: A highly advanced techno flame thrower that crits all the time.
This thing crits all the time, so there is no reason not to use it. However, the crits occur in 10 second intervals and therefore, in order to make use of the short time, it's recommended to hold down the forward key (default 'W') and then click down the primary fire button (default 'Mouse 1') and then you have the strategy for success.

Rainblower
Description: An elaborate bundle of trumpets that blows rainbows and happiness.
To normal players this appears exactly the same as a stock flame thrower, but we F2P's see it as a colourful trumpet bundle spewing rainbows everywhere! And if you stand still and let the rainbows wash over you, you will feel the happiness too!





Stock Shotgun
Description: A dependable shotgun that several classes can use.
The shotgun does pretty good damage if you aim well. You might also need it for that one achievement where you have to finish off 20 burned enemies with the shotgun. Other than that, I don't have much to say about it.

Flare Gun
Description: Single shot flare gun for long range firepower.
A one-shot flare gun that can do high damage on burned enemies. Primarily meant for long-range use. Favored by players who like doing crits and lots of damage and is commonly used in conjunction with degreaser fast-switching.

Detonator
Description: A broken flare gun that doesnt do as much damage, but the flares can explode on demand.
It's broken, so it makes a loud firework noise and also does less damage. But the flares can explode when you right click and can spray flames on enemies. Most people, however, want to use this gun for the explosion to jump up higher ledges, where they can get to unexpected routes to enemies.

Reserve Shooter
Description: A skill-indexed shotgun for people with fast reflexes and good aim.
This gun is designed for weapon switch combos. It will do lots of damage to enemies launched in the air by rockets airblasts or other reasons (like if they jump for some reason), and anybody who switches to this weapon has about 5 200 seconds to get this bonus damage due to the degreaser's fast weapon switch speed. So basically, to use this weapon well, you have to be really fast at aiming at an enemy who is in the air, actually hit them, and have 5 seconds to do all of this. equip the degreaser. I'm sure you can tell by now that I don't use this weapon much either. like this weapon very much.

Manmelter
Description: A very slow ray gun that can melt just about anything.
Unlike flare guns, this ray gun can shoot very fast rays of energy that can burn people. It can also vacuum in air and dust, which happens to work as a very handy portable fire extinguisher as well. This is designed to be used with the phlogistinator, which cannot airblast to put out fires, but I rarely see anyone use this. Only use this if the entire enemy team is pyros.

Scorch Shot
Description: A bulky flare gun that fires bulky flares.
This gun fires really large flares that can knock back enemies. As big as it is, though, it does slightly less damage than other flare guns. There is also the option here to stand completely still and fire the flaregun in a dramatic pose as well. The knockback can be kinda useful. I once used it and fired at a scout who was gonna drink his bonk soda, and knocked it out of his hands. And then he died happily ever after.

Fire Axe
Description: A fire axe used typically by firemen.
I don't know how many real firemen play TF2, but if you go by how much this weapon is used, it's prolly not alot. I like to use this weapon when I lose the connection to the item server.

Axtinguisher
Description: An axe that murders burned enemies with ridiculous consistency.
Commonly used by pyros who like to burn people for about half a second and then switch to this axe and ax them. I don't blame them though. It's definitely better to die instantly than burning on 10 health and watch that one scout take your medikit. Judged too annoying by the developers, this axe has its damage reduced by roughly 50%, and now I don't think many people will use this. Unless you just got it from an achievement.

Homewrecker
Description: A sledgehammer meant to wreck the homes of construction workers.
I think there is an electro-magnet or something inside the hammer. It can instantly disable electronic interference devices and also destroy buildings very quickly. There might also be a safety mechanism in it that prevents it from doing too much damage to humans or human-shaped robots.

Powerjack
Description: A carjack that increases the user's footspeed but makes them weaker.
If you think the description sounds illogical, then you should know that when you kill someone with this, you will gain lots of a bit of health! First the Axtinguisher got nerfed, so people start running with this thing and telling everyone how good this weapon is. Good job guys, now this weapon got nerfed as well.

Back Scratcher
Description: A garden rake that was apprently already used to scratch somebody's back.
This rake will miraculously make health medicine more effective. It also deals more damage than axes because it's spiky. And if you have a crush on the team medic, this is a really good excuse to make them spend more time with you. Just make sure you never let them see that you have this weapon equipped.

Maul from Red Faction
Description: A maul used by the dude from Red Faction to destroy lots of buildings.
It is similar to the homewrecker, but the special thing about this weapon is that everyone will be trying to sell killstreak kits of this weapon since they have like no hope of getting one. I tried crafting for this like 50 times and was never successful (until now).

Sharpened Volcano Fragment
Description: A blazing axe with fiery enchantments.
This should have been a primary weapon. When I see people use this, they tend to never use their flamethrower for some reason. It does slightly less damage than most axes, but I don't think that's the real reason why nobody uses this weapon.


Postal Pummeler
Description: A mailbox plucked from somewhere in the Helltower map.
This weapon is identical to the axtinguisher. Except you can't add Stattrak™ counters to it. I think people only use it if they have a thing for mailmen.

Third Degree
Description: An axe-shaped electric guitar that makes a cool riff.
One time, I was playing as a medic, and I was healing this heavy guy as much as I can, and a pyro ran around with this thing and was hitting the heavy as hard as he can, and I died. I blame the heavy.

Lollichop
Description: A fire axe typically used by firemen.
This weapon is identical to the stock fire axe. But if you taunt, you will actually raise it over your head instead of trying to show off nonexistent guitar skills.

Neon Annihilator
Description: A signpost stolen from some Asian bar or pub.
Due to the electric lights, it appears to do more damage to wet enemies or enemies in water. I don't remember seeing anyone use this, though. But then again, I don't regularly play 3 hours of 2fort either.


And now we are done with pyro! That's all of the offensive classes down. Next, we shall move on to the defensive classes: Demo, Heavy, and Engineer.

Grenade Launcher
Description: A 6-barrel revolving grenade launcher that can only have 4 grenades at a time.
A stock weapon. I heard it was nerfed even before TF2 was released. Sad story aside, this weapon is pretty simple to use. Just click this link and watch the video. Youtube link. Then you will know how to use this weapon.

Loch-n-Load
Description: A double-barrel break action grenade launcher that somehow loads 3 grenades.
A skill-indexed crutch heavily nerfed weapon. It's a faster grenade launcher that also does more damage kills engineer buildings, but only if you have good aim. Bad aim will result in the grenades turning into electrical sparks. But by using this, your aim can actually appear to improve because the grenades fly faster than normal buildings do not move. Your aim will look like it improved if you use this weapon.So, if you do use this, will your aim actually improve?

Ali Baba's Wee Booties
Description: Booties that belonged to Ali Baba. So basically, they're secondhand boots.
These boots will raise your max HP and make you run faster. They also help gain charge for demoknights. So you might be wondering, who is Ali Baba anyway? I looked up wikipedia, and it turns out that he was some poor Arabian guy that relied on a girl to solve all his problems for him. So personally I think these boots represent girl power.

Bootlegger
Description: A pirate boot and a toilet plunger that works as a peg leg.
This boot will raise your max HP. They also help gain charge for demopirates. It is also one of the cheapest demoman cosmetic items, even though it counts as a weapon. Don't ask why a peg leg would help you run faster.

Loose Cannon
Description: A handheld ye olde cannone with a short fuse that fires bomberman bombs.
An alternative launcher that shoots very weak bomberman bombs. It can knockback people, which can help sometimes, but the low damage (and the damage decreases even more if you don't hit anyone) makes this a bit underpowered. It might be a good choice if you double donk every single hit, but I don't know anyone who can do that.

Base Jumper
Description: A backpack with a torn parachute inside.
A parachute that allows the user to fall slowly and gracefully, and avoid fall damage. If you happen to be on fire, then become a human hot air balloon and continue floating in the sky like that. Then again, when you're on fire you should stop, drop, and roll around like what they taught you in school.

Iron Bomber
Description: An elaborate grenade launcher that fires explosive balls instead of grenades.
These balls might as well be cubes, since they barely move around on the ground. However being smaller than the normal grenades, their damage and explosion radius are reduced as well.


Winbomb Launcher
Description: A handheld launcher that launches spikey balls of WIN.
This weapon is frequently touted as the best weapon in the entire game. It has extremely high damage, a large clip size, a ridiculously large blast radius, and very few counters. In every other game, there is a demoman using this and getting 10 kills every 30 seconds. Pure unadulterated win. The only real counter to this weapon is the short circuit. Or autoaim snipers. But those are never on your team, are they?
P.S. This is also the favorite weapon of spawn campers. Or rather, it is the ONLY weapon of spawn campers.
P.P.S By popular demand, this weapon is now not as good for air exploding.

Chargin' Targe
Description: If for some reason you don't like to WIN, then you can always equip the fireproof wooden shield instead. It also gives substantial explosion resistance. Ever since the fireproofing of this weapon, I've seen almost everybody using it. Like me. I remember getting a kill-death ratio of 39-2 using this shield. Not kidding. Now available in festive versions!

Scottish Resistance
Description: A winbomb launcher modified to remove some of the win.
This launcher is slower to arm than the winbomb launcher, but it has some improvements, such as being able to set down more bombs, as well as being able to micromanage them and controlling which bombs to detonate. It can also destroy other winbombs. I know that some people who use winbomb launchers are using it incorrectly: they set down a bunch of bombs on important areas and then wait for people to walk into the area they bobby-trapped. Obviously, the winbomb launcher is supposed to be used aggressively, exploding left and right in midair and critting all the time. But for the trap-bombers, it's better to use the scottish resistance instead.

Splendid Screen
Description: A small shield that comes in four decorative styles.
An offense-oriented shield that does alot more charge damage, allowing demoknights to potentially kill a heavy in 1 charge. It's also the only demoman secondary weapon to be part of a set. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to make it more popular than the fireproof wooden shield.

Sticky Jumper
Description: A winbomb launcher modified to remove ALL of the win.
A no-damage winbomb launcher modified for suicide attacks. It allows the user to fly high into the sky and end up somewhere random, usually in the middle of 5 enemies. It is also the only weapon that does no damage and still got nerfed several times. You'd think the nerfs would make it do negative damage, but that would just be wishful thinking.

Tide Turner
Description: A broken shipwheel attached to your arm so you can steer yourself like a car.
Make sudden U-turns and other trick maneuvers as you spin right right round your target like a crazy ballerina. Then all you need is a tutu, which, if you didn't know, is acutally in the game is well.

Quickiebomb Launcher
Description: Quickiebombs! Blow 'em or lose 'em!
Whatever they're made of, these bombs react very quickly to oxygen in the air and disintegrates almost immediately, so blow it all up. It also fires quicker than other bomb launchers, so you could be the ridiculously fast winbomber that you always wanted to be. I should be thanking this weapon though, since balancing this weapon caused the winbomb launcher to be nerfed.

Bottle
Description: An empty beer bottle.
This is prolly one of the reasons why Team Fortress 2 is rated M for mature. They don't want to encourage children to drink alcohol at an early age.

Eyelander
Description: A plain long sword which gives its user an obsession for heads.
If you chop off people's heads with this sword, you will get harder, better, faster, and stronger. Now THAT's the way to get ahead.
You should also know that is TF2 maker Robin Walker's favorite weapon. He has like three of these in his inventory with the Valve quality and unusual effects.

Scotsman's Skullcutter
Description: A large and very heavy battle axe.
Another medieval weapon, this one is very heavy and can slow you down if you use it. Does more damage than swords and bottles. But it doesn't do as much damage as a garden rake.

Unusual Headless Horsemann's Headtaker
Description: The only unusual you will ever have.
I played once against some jack-o-lantern dude that used this. He killed everyone in 1 hit and has this taunt that can stun everyone near him. Having never had this weapon myself, I can only imagine it to be just as awesome as when he used it.

Pain Train
Description: A wooden club with a large tack at the end.
This weapon is commonly used by demoman backcaps. Along with the sticky jumper, you can use this to very quickly capture control points for attacking teams. In every other game mode, this weapon may help enemy bullets kill you easier.

Half-Zatoichi
Description: A katana that will force you to obey the laws of honor.
These laws include: getting killed in 1 hit from other katana-users, being unable to switch weapons until the katana kills somebody, get instantly healed by the feeling of extreme honor when killing somebody, and mild respect for Japanese culture.

Ullapool Caber
Description: A big German handgrenade that explodes in the face of the first person you hit.
This is a grenade that's meant to be thrown, but since thrown grenades are not allowed in the game, the demoman has no choice but to use it as a melee weapon. The first person you hit with this will eat the entire content of the grenade head of this weapon and might explode from the bad taste of it. Afterwards, this weapon does about as much damage as a deflated balloon and will be pretty much useless.

Claidheamh Mor
Description: A fancy looking sword that is rarely used. (That is, until the shipwheel was invented)
I have not seen many people use this weapon, even though it isn't really bad or anything. It lets your shield charge a longer distance in exchange for slightly lower max health. I can only guess that the reason no one uses this sword is that nobody can remember the name, or how to pronounce it, or spell it, or anything.

Persian Persuader
Description: A scimitar that gives your stomache the ability to digest metal.
If that description sounds awesome, then you're absolutely right. Eating metal and people's guns and then getting healed by it is only the coolest thing you can dream of. I was once in front of the enemy team's spawn, and I nommed on the weapons of every person I managed to kill there, and it kept me alive for a full 10 seconds.

Scottish Handshake
Description: A higher quality brand of alcohol (DeGroot's Rum).
I tried it once, it does taste better.


Nessie's Nine Iron
Description: A golf club with bladed edges specifically for cutting off heads.
My gosh. What sick freak designed this weapon? I can only imagine this being made for disturbed inidividuals who like playing golf with people's heads. Either that, or people who really liked this video.


And that's all for demoman! Whew. Next up we have everyone's favorite overweight Russian guy. You know the one. (He really likes his weapons.)

Minigun
Description: A heavy, auto rotating minigun that spews out hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of bullets in just a few seconds.
An extremely popular weapon with very high damage, and is very easy to use. "It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon for 12 seconds." I'm guessing $399,999 comes from buying the strange festive version.

Natascha
Description: A severely nerfed minigun that fires tiny beanbags filled with superglue to slow down opponents.
As indicated above, the weapon doesn't do much damage. I don't see it used very much, but people do still use it because there were rumors about how it used to have alot more superglue per bullet beanbag. So much so, that it makes this weapon very slow and I think all the gears inside the gun have been glued up and stuff.

Iron Curtain
Description: A nice looking minigun with the Soviet emblem on its side. Used by hard-line Communists.
I don't see this weapon alot, but I know that people who do use it, use it alot.


Brass Beast
Description: A shiny badass beast of a weapon that is heavier than the character using it.
This gun was designed to do lots and lots of damage, but to do that they had to add another 50 tons to the weapon's weight. It's extremely slow, and if you use it, you will be extremely slow as well. But, please equip this! My gibus and I really need to get a sniper rifle kill at some point, you know.

Tomislav
Description: An old Thompson SMG modified to hold 200-bullet drums.
It may not look like it, but this weapon is basically a sub-machine gun. It has the standard fire-rate and accuracy of old sub-machine guns, and as a result it does less damage than other miniguns. Also, I think the Heavy guy needs to spend more time working out at a gym, because over the years it's taking him more and more time to raise this weapon. Protein shakes just ain't enough.

Huo-Long Heater
Description: A Chinese-style minigun that was meant to be a flamethrower.
This weapon needs extra ammo to power up a ring of fire that the weapon designer (who originally meant to make this a flamethrower) forgot to remove. It's not a bad thing, though. One time I was using this weapon and sitting on a dispenser next to 3 sentries, and every enemy spy in the server was telling me to move my lazy butt and actually play the game.





Shotgun
Description: A versatile shotgun for a class that doesn't really need it.
I usually never see Heavies carry this weapon. Well I think I did, once. He said he wasn't a Heavy though, he kept calling himself a 'Fat Scout' even though it was pretty clear that he wasn't a scout. Or maybe he was the scout. After drinking 300 cans of Bonk.

Sandvich
Description: A tasty and wholesome part of your lunchbox.
Eating a Sandvich will help you fully recover from a day's work. It can also put out fires. Even better, it comes with a fold-up plate that you can put it on, and drop it on the ground for other people to eat too! There are people who's life's goal is to give sandviches to every single person in the world. Philanthropy at its finest.

Dalokoh's Bar
Description: A self-regenerating chocolate bar that never runs out. Also the most annoying thing ever in Candy Crush.
Who doesn't like chocolate? How about chocolate that regenerates itself as you eat it? It's all good, and it gives you a sugar rush that makes you stronger. As in, 50 more max health. But only for how long a typical sugar rush lasts (around 30 3 seconds).

Fishcake
Description: A greasy, fat-fried fish filet that comes in a wrapper.
I head this thing was made from fossilized fish, so I don't think it's very good in terms of nutritional value.

Buffalo Steak Sandvich
Description: A piece of meat.
Eating this raw meat will unleash your inner beast, allowing you to run faster despite 300 pounds of body fat and will increase your fist's damage. Side effects include diarrhea, and possibly salmonella and other diseases from eating uncooked meat.

Family Business
Description: The only other shotgun for Heavies, which looks alot cooler.
The weapon carries 2 extra bullets per clip and does slightly less damage but with faster speed. With this weapon you can pretend to be a scout while doing alot less damage than a real one.

Robo-Sandvich
Description: A weapon that costs hundreds of dollars in real money and you prolly won't ever get one.
This should totally be availabe as an MVM drop. Definitely better than 50 kinds of fabricators that look like sewing kits.

Panic Attack
Description: A last-resort weapon that will sorely disappoint you when you have a panic attack due to the weapon not loading up fast enough while your enemies are killing you.
Call it the Equalizing Beggar's Shotgun, because it is. It goes crazy when you have low health, but so will you when you get killed because you couldn't load the weapon fast enough. At full or nearly full health, the weapon is very slow to load and shoot with.

Your Fists
Description: Your fists are just as deadly as any minigun. Haven't you seen Fist of the North Star?
Basically, your fists here work like in the Mortal Kombat games. Usually you can punch people silly with them, but you can also try for an uppercut that will send them 20 feet into the air and possibly end in fatality.

Killing Gloves of Boxing
Description: Standard boxing gloves that can glow when you kill someone with it.
If you ever aspire to be a famous boxer for some reason, this will be the go-to weapon for you. Every idiot that gets their lights punched out by you will make you stronger and you can quickly punch out the next guy in line waiting to get into your killstreak. Speaking of which, you should prolly get a killstreak kit for this weapon. They were meant to be together.

Gloves of Running Urgently
Description: Standard boxing gloves with a simple paint job.
These gloves, which seem like typical boxing gloves, are not meant for boxing at all. They are made of styrofoam, I think. You won't be killing anything with these. In fact, having these out will make you feel stupid for carrying styrofoam gloves into battle, and you will take more damage from the loss of self-confidence. But it also makes you embarassed so you will be able to run faster, most likely to run away from the enemies that are laughing at your stupidity.

Warrior's Spirit
Description: Bear claws strapped to your fists.
Those claws certainly are going to hurt. More damage. Now I just need to sit here and try to figure out why strapping bear claws to your hands will lower your max HP...

P.S. I think I know now. If you wear this, the ghost of the dead bear whose claws you're wearing will haunt you and guilt-trip you subconsciously, which causes your max HP to decrease.

Eviction Notice
Description: Spiked brass knuckles.
I once watched an anime where this blond girl used these brass knuckles and punched through another guy's head like a watermelon. If you think you can do that with this weapon in TF2, then think again. These things are ridiculously weak, despite having sharp spikes on them, and you will find yourself doing less damage than the styrofoam gloves. True story.

Apoco-Fists
Description: Punching gloves laced with explosive powder.
On occasion, you may find that the person you punched will explode into bits. It doesn't actually do explosive damage, or more damage, or more anything, really, so knock yourself out.

Fists of Steel
Description: Heavy steel gauntlets that will form an invisible, damage resistant shield around you while it is worn.
They are heavy, so it takes a bit more time to wear them. But that damage reduction shield can help alot. Be careful, though, since the shield acutally INCREASES damage done to you by swords, styrofoam gloves, or other melee weapons. I'm not quite sure why.

Holiday Punch
Description: Soft and fuzzy winter mittens.
It's not much different from your fists, but I like to use these against ubercharged enemies. When I go up to punch them with these, they take no damage and proceed to laugh at me because it was pretty dumb of me to run up and try to punch them with fuzzy mittens while they are ubercharged. But I'll get them someday. You wait.


And we have finished with the Heavy weapons. Only like, 4 more classes to go!

Shotgun
Description: A versatile shotgun for the honest hard-working construction man.
This is the final time the shotgun will appear in this guide. I promise.


Frontier Justice
Description: A pump shotgun with an attached device that can count sentry gun kills and assists.
It carries fewer bullets per clip (probably to make room for the counting device). The device itself is set to receive signals about your sentry gun's kills, assists, and whether your sentry gun is still standing. If your sentry gun blew up for whatever reason, the device will go kajeebers and send electric pulses all over the shotgun itself, which will greatly increase the damage done. However, if you build your sentry in a corner where nothing happens, and it blows up for some reason, the device on this gun can actually pick up the fact that your sentry made no contributions to the team, and it will shut itself off so that you can't get the bonus damage.

Widowmaker
Description: A futuristic looking autoshotgun that uses scrap metal as ammunition.
If you use this, then say goodbye to the 7 refined that you've been saving up for a key. I would not recommend using this weapon under any circumstances.
{I'm kidding. Don't worry about all the scrap metal you've lost and never noticed due to using this weapon.}

Pomson 6000
Description: A laser rifle that can drain the battery power of electronic equipment.
It can drain the battery power of medic backpacks and spy watches, and it actually does decent damage. The damage is definitely less than the shotgun, though, so it's not good for self-defense. Like all energy weapons, it does tiny damage to buildings. In fact, it does zero damage to your own buildings.

Rescue Ranger
Description: A newer shotgun with a cardiogram monitor attached. It actually measures how much metal you have, just in case your screen glitched up and you couldn't see the metal display at the bottom of the screen.
Instead of bullets, this gun fires a claw thingy that injects nanites into buildings and repairs them. This gun also turns your metal supply into what can only be summed up as mana, or magical energy. So, you become a mage with this gun. You have a spell that can instantly teleport a building 20 miles away into the palm of your hand for just 130 100 mana. And, everyone knows that mages have the worst defense in any game ever, so you will take alot more damage while casting this spell.





Pistol
Description: A pistol with a 12 bullet clip and bad accuracy.
There's really only 3 choices for the engineer secondary weapon loadout, and I rarely see anyone using the Pistol as Engineer. One of the benefits is having 200 bullets in your pocket for this weapon.

Wrangler
Description: A joystick attached to a grip handle and a radar dish.
This weapon does no damage, but you can use it to control your sentry (if you have one). You can order your sentry to shoot at people outside the range that Valve allows sentries to shoot at, and also order your sentry to shoot at yourself. Valve didn't like this, and they proceeded to nerf the wrangler a bit lot.

Short Circuit
Description: A robotic hand-replacement that generates an electric field that disintegrates small objects (not including bullets and small syringes).
A weapon that had major balance issues all the time. But nevermind that, this thing can zap away all sorts of dangerous projectiles, like bombs, arrows, jars of pineapple juice, and stuff. At one time, this weapon could zap people to death with 40 zaps in 5 seoncds. I don't think that works anymore nowadays, because I had a funny feeling that wasn't the intended purpose of the weapon.

Stock Wrench
Description: A standard wrench for lifting nuts and bolts, and crits alot.
It's no doubt this thing crits alot. I played engineer once, and I crit and killed 2 people who were on this payload cart. And then from the side a pyro arrived to stop me, but one swing and he was critted off as well. And then the round was over for them.

Golden Wrench
Description: A wrench painted gold. Not the same as the Australium version.
These were given out early to 100 random craft button spammers and were left to collect virtual dust in they backpack when they moved on to play call of duty. Luckily, not all of them were Cod fans. I think I met the owner of #16 the other day and I thought it was cool, but it wasn't cool when our team lost to some permakritz demoman using the winbomb launcher.

Gunslinger
Description: A robot arm for people who would be willing to cut off their own arm for the sake of annoying as many people as they possibly can.
This thing is easily the best way to frustrate as many people as possible. The arm is actually a pocket factory for mini-sentries, which can be built and ready to go in less than 3 seconds. I don't know how many people like to fight against a tiny mechanical gopher with an autoaiming machine gun, but I certainly didn't. There is also the whole 'cutting-off-my-arm-gives-me-more-health' thing, and I don't even.

Southern Hospitality
Description: A custom wrench with spikey attachments that can cause serious bleeding.
A wrench specifically designed to kill people. The spikes are pretty cool, but you have too keep it oiled up alot or it will get rusty and not be as sharp. All that time spent oiling the weapon has left you with dirty and easily flammable clothes. Don't get burned while using this.

Jag
Description: A curvy wrench that can help buildings deploy faster.
This wrench, unlike the Southern Killing Wrench, is more about building. It will increase the speed of building stuff by a small amount (for the sentry gun, it's faster by less than 1 second). Meanwhile, damage is decreased by alot but it swings faster. It certainly doesn't make sense to decrease the damage of the one weapon most likely to crit, so I don't use it very much. The faster speed of this wrench will certainly get you "Jagged" up. (Bad joke I know)

Eureka Effect
Description: An advanced technological wrenching device that has a small teleporter built into it.
The teleporter inside this wrenching device can be used at will, and takes about 2 or 3 seconds to warm up and teleport you back to the spawn. People who use this wrench like to try and sneak around behind your team and then later whip up a level 3 sentry out of their ass . Be warned.





Build Tool
Description: A caculator or computer of some kind that turns pieces of blue paper into toolboxes.
This thing is cool. It turns blue-colored paper into actual buildings that come out of a self-deploying toolbox. It has an optional addon that keeps track of how many buildings you have built, but it is very expensive.

Destroy Tool
Description: A thing with a big red button and an antenna.
This device lets you blow up your buildings with the touch of a button. Usually for people who are too lazy to carry their buildings from where it was before (outside spawn doors) to where the buildings would actually be more helpful.

Syringe Gun
Description: An air pressurized rotating automatic weapon that fires syringes.
There is really nothing much to say about this weapon. It basically fires syringes at people that does tiny damage, but the damage adds up if they eat alot of them. The pressurizer on this gun might be a bit leaky, because the syringes don't seem to travel very far before they start losing forward momentum and fall toward the ground.

Blutsauger
Description: An air pressurized rotating automatic weapon that fires syringes filled with low doses of mad milk.
The needles in this weapon are filled with a small amount of mad milk, but not a high enough amount to make enemies get drenched in it. You can upgrade it to a ridiculously higher dose in MVM, where a single needle will cause the opponent to be covered head-to-toe in it. I have a strange blutsauger, and the only real way to get kills on it is to go battle medic on 2fort. Just rush out from spawn and go as far as you can.

Crusader's Crossbow
Description: When I first played this game, I tried crafting this and thinking it was for the sniper. Obviously because the other bow weapon belonged to the sniper. Aside from the disappointment of discovering that it wasn't for the sniper, this weapon also does half as much damage as a normal bow and wasn't any faster either. This is apparently the new favorite for battle medics. Just stand in one spot and fire one shot at a time, until something interesting happens. Like your killcam, for instance.

Overdose
Description: An air pressurized automatic firing weapon that fires used syringes from a box attached to the tubing on it.
I don't know how much you know about laboratory medicine, but that box that you see on this gun is usually where we put used needles. Like the ones that they discard after drawing your blood. The needles are used and dirty, so they do slightly less damage than brand new needles. Like, 1 damage less per needle. The upside is being able to run faster by about 1 inch per second when holding the gun in your hand. Alot of people say that this thing trades a small upside for a small downside, so small that they think it's not really worth it. I just use it because it's part of the set.





Medi Gun
Description: A portable fire hose nozzle attached to a backpack filled with delicious, life-giving air.
This contraption fires a concentrated beam of air at people and it will make them feel fresh and ready for battle. It also grants Godmode for 8 seconds.

Kritzkrieg
Description: An alternative medi gun that was fixed so that nobody can get free Godmode from it. Instead, it electrifies other people's weapons and makes them stronger. It's easier to charge up because, unlike Godmode, crits technically aren't considered as cheating, people get them randomly all the time.

Quick-Fix
Description: An elaborate prototype next-gen medi gun that can heal people alot faster, and has a tethering ability to people who suddenly jump very high or run very fast. This medi gun is capable of granting Godmode, but it is kinda broken and nobody bothered to fix it. It grants this kind of semi-godmode that is basically just 100 health regeneration per second. That sounds like a lot but I still got killed somehow while getting buffed by it.

Vaccinator
Description: A newer medi gun with no backpack component based around micromanaging resistances.
This one can grant bullet, explosive, or fire resistance in the ubercharge and is basically a shield that ONLY WORKS AGAINST THAT DAMAGE TYPE. It can also store 4 shorter ubercharges as opposed to a single long-lasting one, so this weapon is easier to get ubercharges ready with. Enemies using strange weapons that have the 'medics with full ubers killed' parts will like you alot.





Bonesaw
Description: The bonesaw as seen in Surgeon Simulator.
If you somehow manage to actually hold on to this thing, you can get crits and saw thru people's bones. Since medics have faster footspeed than most of the other classes, you as a medic have a slight advantage in melee combat.

Ubersaw
Description: The most popular bonesaw-like weapon in the game.
If you look very closely, you can see a large syringe attached to the weapon. Almost every medic will use this weapon for the reason that when this thing hits someone, that syringe will suck up the victim's blood and store it in the medic's backpack. Now we know that ubercharges are made of human blood. The more you know.

Vita-saw
Description: A tool used by little girls to collect sea slug stem cells.
Remember when I told you that ubercharges are made of human blood? Well apparently this weapon can store ubercharges in the form of some type of human blood or cell fluid. When the medic dies, some of this fluid can be recovered. So basically you can recover some ubercharge after dying.

Amputator
Description: A safety bonesaw that doubles as an mp3 player with soothing classical music.
It's not very sharp, so it does less damage, but it can play classical music that will make everyone feel relaxed and more healthy. It's a proven fact that classical music can heal grievous wounds.

Solemn Vow
Description: A Greek bust imbued with mystical powers of health reading.
With this, the user is granted the power to become an ultimate doctor: one look at a person and you can instantly tell how healthy (or close to dying) he is. And there's an extra bonus: you can still hit people with it! (But it's pretty heavy)

Stock Sniper Rifle
Description: An old bolt rifle with a scope and laser sight attached to it.
A favorite of Call of Duty players. This weapon most closely resembles random Cod weapons like an M40A1 with Red Dot Sight or M14 with ACOG Scope. I do not claim to be any sort of gun expert, and neither does this game. Whatever it is, it is unable to shoot thru walls, thin glass, sheet metal, boxes, or anything really.

Huntsman
Description: A long bow that shoots arrows. Very big ones, I might add.
This weapon was specifically designed to get fewer people to use the overpowered sniper rifle. Don't believe me? Just read the last paragraph of this post: link. This weapon basically forces snipers to fight at medium long range, so that enemies actually have a chance to kill him. Feel free to use this over the rifles if you want enemies to have a better chance of attacking you.

Sydney Sleeper
Description: A dart rifle that shoots syringes containing concentrated pineapple juice.
Syringes in TF2 cannot headshot, which happens with the crossbow if you didn't already know that. Same rules here. This weapon cannot headshot, but people you hit will get splashed a face full of expired pineapple juice. And it can get quite nasty from there.

Bazaar Bargain
Description: An antique rifle that originates from the Middle East.
A rifle for people who headshot alot. The more you can headshot, the faster you can headshot more with this weapon. How many headshots can a headshotter shoot if a headshotter can shoot heads?

Arctic Warfare Magnum (AWP)
Description: A sniper rifle frequently used in the popular Steam game, AWP-Strike.
Alot of people want this weapon. Most likely because they find themselves killed by this weapon alot in the popular game, AWP-Strike, where occasionally you see an AK or M4 among everybody else using AWP's to kill each other in one shot.

Hitman's Heatmaker
Description: A silenced sniper rifle that fires tiny buzzsaws that chop off the target's head.
What gun do you know fires buzzsaws? The gravity gun in Half-Life 2? Well alright. But this gun also has a ability to help you get focused. When focused, your sniper rifle (which is usually bolt action) goes into semi-automatic mode. Aside from this cool feature, this weapon also does less damage with bodyshots. So I personally never use it.

Machina
Description: A stylish rail sniper rifle and easily the best weapon ever.
F2P's use this weapon for a reason. It's the best sniper rifle ever and does the most damage. And when you shoot, this cool tracer comes out of the gun and goes clear across the entire map to where you were hitting. Yes, the Hitman's rifle does that too, but this one fires tracers in every shot! Too cool.

Fortified Compound
Description: A bow that I recently got a drop of.
It looks slightly fancier than the huntsman bow. And when I used it, I felt slightly fancier than before too. If you fancy this weapon then... yeah.

Team Fortress Classic Sniper Rifle
Description: The old sniper rifle from way back when Team Fortress was all about grenades.
This sniper functions very differently from the other rifles, and is more similar to the bows. The main attration of this rifle is pulling off noscope headshots, for people who want to be MLG. When you use this and get a noscope headshot, your opponent will rage so hard that his whole body will explode into a red cloud of frustration. Very fun!

Stock SMG
Description: A generic submachine gun, about as useless as the MP7 in CS.
Some people think it's good for close range defense, and that may be true sometimes, but I don't really see the appeal of this weapon. In most cases it's really only good as a finishing weapon, if you managed to shoot the enemy with a rifle/bow beforehand.

Jarate
Description: A jar of expired pineapple juice. That has already passed through your body.
Somebody came up with the idea to throw expired juice at people, and for some reason it caught on. Throwing this on your enemies will make them immediately want to take a shower, and be less focused on fighting. People who are drenched will usually run away and look for the nearest bath house, but they will never find one.

Razorback
Description: A wooden shield (not fireproof) that has a taser attached.
When the shield breaks apart, it will activate the taser and zap whoever broke it. Not a bad idea, actually, if it weren't for the fact that gun bullets go straight through the shield.

Darwin's Danger Shield
Description: A crocodile skin shield that will put you in danger of dying to explosive spam.
When Charles Darwin designed this shield, he didn't account for rockets and grenades. Prolly because he lived in the 1800's back when there were no rockets and rifles took 1 full minute to reload.

Cozy Camper
Description: A backpack with 2 cosmetic items and a jar of juice on it. Too bad you can't smelt down the backback for those cosmetics.
An item that encourages camping. You get extremely slow health regeneration and stuff but will NOT have lowered defense. I traded a scrap for this and didn't find it that useful.

Cleaner's Carbine
Description: A silenced machine pistol that is even worse than the SMG.
It has a bonus damage when you kill somebody with it, but good luck with that. If this weapon's fire rate were any slower it might as well be an 8-damage sniper rifle.



Stock Kukri
Description: A curved cutting tool for hunters.
The only people I only see using it are mvm Sniper robots. They don't swing it so much as spinning it like a razor bladed fan.

Tribalman's Shiv
Description: A brown machete with serrated edges for causing massive blood loss.
I know some people like to use it to find cloaked spies when they bleed all over the place. Another weapon tends to be more common, though, due to 1-hit kills, because 1-hit kills tend to make a weapon popular (See pyro weapons).

Bushwacka
Description: A large knife commonly used for 1 hit kills.
This weapon can kill people in one hit randomly. That, or 1 hit kill people who need to take a shower. And trust me, alot of people need to take showers.

Shahanshah
Description: A scimitar that works like the soldier's Equalizer.
I'm like the only person that uses this weapon.

Revolver
Description: Your average 6-shot revolver.
Remember in Half Life where you can kill enemies in 1 hit with this gun? Well, forget about that. This gun take 3 or more shots to kill anything. Even mini sentries. If you think this is bad, then you should know that almost every other revolver (except one) does EVEN LESS DAMAGE. And yes, spies are all about damage.

Ambassador
Description: A large revolver that does high damage with headshots, but it isn't a one hit kill.
This one's for the Counter Strike players. You know, those people that can headshot with a fully automatic rifle from across the map. That's basically how you use this weapon.

L'Etranger
Description: A delicate French revolver with a small barrel.
This gun has decreased damage, but comes with extra batteries for your watch. And it can recharge your watch if it hits enemies. If you never plan on using revolvers ever, you might as well take this one for the extra batteries.

Enforcer
Description: If L'Etrangers are 'skinny', then this would be 'fat'.
A fat revolver that does more damage doesn't do more damage than any other revolver. It gets a damage bonus if you are wearing a mask, but that's about it.

Diamondback
Description: A black revolver from the future that can crit all the time.
This weapon can get more damage from sapped buildings and knife kills, so you can kill moar. Like I said, Spy is all about damage and killing.

Big Kill
Description: A weapon used by the Big Dogs to make kills with.
If you ever played the Sam and Max games, you know that half the time spent on that game involves pulling out this revolver and shooting at everything on the screen. Nothing happens, and then you waste another 2 hours shooting at everything in every location in the game and finally give up and go on gamefaqs.




Butterfly Knife
Description: A balisong that has a very cool animation that was cut short so you can't see it.
All knives have the ability to kill people from behind in one hit. If you ever played Manhunt, that game is all about backstabs. And not just with knives either. But anyway, it may sound obvious, but butterfly knives can also be used for butterknifing: Poking an enemy's face with the knife over and over. It's a very effective way to annoy them and make them want you dead.

Your Eternal Reward
Description: A saharan knife recovered from an alien spacecraft.
This knife always reminded me of a movie where there was this alien that could kill people and then turn into the people it killed, allowing it to blend in to the human survivors and then kill moar people, and turn into them, and etc. You should totally watch it.

Conniver's Kunai
Description: A kunai used by ninjas and farmers. (Not for the same purpose)
This weapon basically turns you into a vampire. You can grab people from behind and suck all their blood out in a fraction of a second. While not sucking somebody's blood, you will die in 1 hit in a variety of ways.

Big Earner
Description: A knife used to steal peoples wallets after killing them.
When you make a kill with this knife, you are also able to steal the victim's wallet, and use any pocket change left in there to buy more batteries for your watch. All of these transactions happen online, via the Mann Co store, so it is near-instant. And convenient, too.

Sharp Dresser
Description: The in-game description itself is already too good.
I don't have anything to add to this. It's a sharp object you hide in your sleeve and kill people without anybody noticing. Of course, the victim always has to let out this loud scream that draws everybody's attention. So much for being stealthy.

Spy-cicle
Description: A sharp icicle that lets you play freeze tag with enemies.
Literally.They will freeze solid when you backstab them with this. Not only that, this icicle will keep your entire body fireproof! For a whopping 2 10 seconds! If you think this will let you slip thru spycheck fire, keep dreaming. Getting hit while fireproof will have this loud melting sound that still tells everybody that you are a spy. If only the spy had some kind of, you know, fireproof wooden shield.

Wanga Priick
Description: A voodoo stick for giving out free acupuncture treatment.
Before you use it on someone, you might want to make them first sign a contract saying that you won't be liable to get sued in court for any permanent deaths that might happen, because you don't really know how to do acupuncture.

Black Rose
Description: A reskinned butterfly knife that looks slightly fancier.
To get this, you need to install keyloggers into your computer. I tried to once, but I chickened out at the last minute. It kinda looks identical to the stock knife, so I don't see the big deal with this.

This section includes sappers, watches, and disguise kits.

Sapper
Description: A sabotage device that shuts off buildings and then destroys them.
What's cool about this device is that every time you use it, it will instantly clone itself, with the one you used going onto the building you sapped and another appearing in your hand. It can clone itself infinitely. Now, that is awesome.

Wheatley
Description: An AI core built by Aperture Science for the management of test subjects.
Just like the sapper, it can instantly clone itself when you use it. Now imagine if it could do that in Portal 2. I can't even begin to imagine what would have happened then.

Red-Tape Recorder
Description: A Chinese tape recorder that can rewind itself, and the building its attached to.
This thing can rewind buildings down to level 1 in like 3 seconds. Then it takes the entire round to rewind level 1's down. A balanced alternative to the sapper. Well, no. It's pretty annoying how fast it can downlevel the buildings.

Invisibility Watch
Description: A personal cloaking device that runs on a 9 second battery.
This watch is meant for spies who are constantly on the move, going from here to there and do spy things. Definitely a good watch for people who want to try playing spy for the first time.

Cloak & Dagger
Description: A personal cloaking device that has a self-recharging battery.
It can't cloak as long as the normal watch, but it self-recharges if you stand still and freeze. For people who don't want to get many kills, and just spy on and stalk people all day, this is the watch for you.

Dead Ringer
Description: A pocket watch that lets you die more times than all the dragonball characters, combined.
As you might guess, this watch lets you die alot. Or pretend to die alot. Have you ever heard of Rasputin? He prolly had this watch at some point. Some people are very annoyed with this watch because, well, they don't like killing people over and over again. TF2 should be all about love and peace.

Enthusiast's Timepiece
Description: A gold painted watch. I bet this is acutally the Australium Invis Watch. Oooooooooh. It all makes sense now.


Quackenbirdt
Description: A duck watch. Quack.
For the quackingly suave gentleman who paid $5 for the privilege of rummaging thru dead bodies looking for ducks to shove into their duck journal/badge thingy. Duck under cover using this watch to go invisible and appear at just the right time when everybody else is already dead so you can collect the piles of toy ducks that pop out of their bodies like candy. Quack!

Disguise Kit
Description: A cigarette case that comes with some masks you can disguise with.
Aside from lung cancer, this kit comes with masks that you can put on and instantly fool your enemies into believing that you are whoever the mask appears to be. Crazy, I know, but you know what else it's used for? I heard this event where everyone takes this out and starts to pretend they are crabs, and then they actually do become crabs when they loose all their items.

We are just about done with all nine classes! But there are still some stuff leftover. Mainly, all-class melee weapons, and a few misc items that I think are important and should be mentioned.

Bat Outta Hell
Description: A partial skeleton with 3 extra hats exclusively to dress it up with.
For people who not only want to wear hats, but give hats to their weapons as well. You can never have too many hats. Especially on halloween.

Conscientious Objector
Description: A picket sign that you can put any picture on.
This is as close to 'make-your-own-weapon' as it gets. Want to bash people with ponies? You can, and so can the 500,000 other bronies who play this game. Go figure.

Freedom Staff
Description: If you ever find your citizens having failed to pay their freedom taxes, then it's time to show them the way of justice. Read the in-game description for more details.

Frying Pan
Description: You can also use it as a drying pan.
This weapon is the king of crits. It crits around 80% of the time. Compared to most melee weapons that only crit about 15% of the time, you can do the math here and it's pretty simple to decide what to equip in the next battle.

Ham Shank
Description: A cut of roast ham that's just as painful to get hit by as any sword.
I remember using this during halloween. It's pretty crazy how good this weapon is. I don't have it anymore, though. I couldn't resist the urge to, you know, eat it up.

Memory Maker
Description: A camera that might go well with the Youtube achievement hat.
I got this once in a randomizer game. I don't remember anything else though.
So much for memory making.

Saxxy Trophy
Description: A trophy for people who make highly rated SFM videos.
So one time, I decided to install SFM. Took one look at it, and then uninstalled the thing.


Strange Professional Killstreak Golden Frying Pan
Description: You won't ever get this, but you can always be jealous of all the people who do. Because when they get one, everyone will get alerted to the fact. That they spent 100 dollars worth of tickets. Same thing as buying the 100 dollar ring.

Necro Smasher
Description: A souvenir achievement hammer you can get from winning all the bumper car minigames in the carnival of carnage. And if you didn't know already, theres a gigantic version of this hammer in the carnival map. Which reminds me of this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA9-su1K4LU

It's also good for telling people what time it is.


Crossing Guard
Description: A railroad crossing sign that can only be found in train-shaped crates. It is recommended to use this weapon when playing the map 'Well' because that map has loads of trains, and it is your job to stand next to the train tracks and warn people with this sign, because believe me, LOTS of people get run over by trains in this game.



Ghastly, Ghastlier, Ghastlierest, or Ghostly Gibus
Description: The best hat ever. No other hat can have extra styles after every year. Although there hasn't been any new styles recently, though.

Pyrovision Goggles
Description: Another widely used item, this one lets you see hallucinations in the form of a happy happy funland with rainbows and bubbles. Several other items also lets you see this, but none of the other ones make you look derpin' high like this one can.

Bombinomicon
Description: A small book you put on your chest, and it will let you explode yourself.
This is the only cosmetic item to get nerfed, I think. Basically, people complained about this item because they couldn't look up and read the kill feed on the right hand corner of the screen. There is a useful benefit to this weapon: when you die, you explode and deny enemies the chance to teabag your body.

Taunt! The High Five
Description: A taunt that was banned in competitive leagues. You might wonder why, but this thing is extremely useful. It lets you look around corners for as long as you want and is basically a sort of wallhack. It also shows how many people don't like to high five because they fell for that 'up-high-down-low-too-slow' trick.

I can't believe you went thru the entire guide with me. Either that, or you just scrolled to the bottom without looking at anything. Kinda like how people read those license agreements. Well by reading this you agree to do whatever you want, and everything. Hopefully you had fun and maybe learned something. Or not. But anyways, thanks for reading, and have a nice day!



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