Saints Row: Gat out of Hell

Saints Row: Gat out of Hell

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Saints Row: GOOH — Seven Deadly Weapons — Rated
By Michanicks
Attempt to rate all Seven Deadly Weapons by their representation, power and design
   
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Representation
7 — Ark Of The Covenant (WRATH)
Neither the appearance, nor the story and myths about the Ark of the Covenant are associated with the sin of Wrath. The only connection i found between ingame Ark and sin of Wrath is being explosive weapon and doing high damage. Most likely, this is just a reference to the film "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark", where the Ark itself, with its magic power, burned several Nazis alive. Genki having this weapon also doesn't make a sence, so it's the weakest representation in the list, it looks like the devs ran out of ideas when they were creating that weapon.

6 — Gallows Dodger (PRIDE)
Almost nothing seems to display this weapon as a representation of Pride, but weapon designers can be understood, it is rather difficult to do something meaningful with Pride. That game is sentient and able to talk, it's enhoy murders very much and obtained by killing several times the person who betrayed the Saints and therefore it's more fitting Wrath than Ark of Covenant (actually, if Gallow Dodger weapon would represent the Wrait and Ark would wepresent the Pride, that's would be much more fitting). Gun's personality is pretty proudful, that's the only reason that weapon is higher in the list than Ark.

5 — Uriels Edge (ENVY)
There are several guesses why this weapon is a representation of Envy: this weapon is a small version of the archduke's Sword and you envy the size of their weapon and therefore do high damage or you envy the power of Satan while you capture his portals and find this sword, or Legionnairs envy Archdukes and their power so they can be killed in one hit by their sword, but these are just implicit guesses.

Angel Uriel has a flaming sword, but he isn't connected with Envy in slightest, so name of weapon doesn't represent the sin. Anyway, envy can be very similar to a burning and dangerous feeling, that's why i'm ok with idea of Envy being an flaming sword and i put it higher than Pride.

4 — Diamond Sting (GREED)
It was a very easy job for the developers to link this weapon with Greed - it just has to be associated with money. It's the only Deadly Gun you are able to buy, it's the most expensive gun in store, It's all gold and covered with diamonds, instead of shells, coins fly out of it, it's shooting enemies with diamonds and, most importantly, all creatures killed by this weapon leave behind a lot of Wages, therefore Diamond Sting is musthave for farming money fast.
The representation is complete, but boring, there is no interesting feature.

3 — Boom Chicka (LUST)
It's weapon represents the sin as good as Greed weapon (fitting design, shooting effects, sounds), but has a more interesting gimmick (enemies who hit with that weapon start to seductively run towards you), less lazy visual design and more interesting way of obtaining (the wish to find all the treasures is fitting, lust is not just all about sex). It's just slighty above the Greed, just because its representation more interesting.

2 — Last Supper (GLUTTONY)
Name is nice reference to famous painting (and biblical event) with act of eating. Sweet frosting which is tasty and unhealty food is great fit for - just eating food is not a gluttony. Weapon itself is a big confectionery tool. Enemies indulge in eating instead of doing their job also nice representation. To get this weapon you need to visit several eateries.
With all of the above, i no longer believe that this weapon can express the sin of gluttony more strongly.

1 — Armchair-A-Geddon (SLOTH)
Very cozy armchair in calming colors couldn't be a better representation for sin of Sloth.
Gat/Kinzie doesn't need to walk, run or hold and aim weapons anymore, armchair will do it on it's own while they can just enjoy the view (actually player still has to do control it, but whatever).
To get that weapon, you don't need to do anything hard, all you have to do is just sit on Armchair you don't even need to search for, and relax.

It was a hard choice between Sloth and Gluttony, and i put Sloth above because while Last Supper affect your enemies and makes them fall in gluttony, Armchair represent YOUR OWN slothness, and i think it's better fit the theme of weapon of Deadly Sin.
Also it's more simple and interesting than some oversized mixer.
Power and Utility
7 — Boom Chicka (LUST)
Sadly, utility of that weapon doesn't have a use: if enemy is far away, there is better weapons to kill them instead of lure them closer, if enemies are already close, there is better ways to deal with them as well. It's bad for a long range (you have rely on random spread just to hit enemies with single pellet) and doesn't cover much ground in close range, it's destroying vehicles very poorly.

That weapon has one great adwantage - it's deals very high burst damage, so it's able to kill the strongest enemies like Archduke or Grenadier very fast, but in other sutiations that weapon is easely outperformed by other Deadly Weapons.

6 — Last Supper (GLUTTONY)
That weapon is great fun, but it doesn't performing well. Primary fire frosting isn't reliable and yet secondary fire is a decent explosion blast, it's still worse than any explosive weapon you can have.
It's higher in the list than Boom Chicka because it's works better against crowds and vehicles, yet still somewhat viable against bosses.

5 — Diamond Sting (GREED)
It's good for farming wages (and you need A LOT of wages if you want to have a nice things), but as weapon it just a ordinary SMG with mediocre DPS. If you don't need wages - that weapon become pointless.

4 — Gallows Dodger (PRIDE)
Primary attack is weak projectile that need only for preparing the special attack, and that special attack is able to obliterate everything in your reach. But even after fully upgrade primary attack itself is extremely weak and you can't use the useful superattack whenever you want to and don't have much control over your damage, also you can't charge it by damaging car and tanks. It is very powerful weapon, but it's depends on too many things to be in the top of the list.

3 — Ark Of The Covenant (WRATH)
Its sucking attack oneshot most of the enemies in close range and its primary homing launch can easely blow up big crowds and, more importantly, vehicles. The only problem is, for some reason that weapon is surprisingly weak against bosses, and in lategame killing bosses is way more important than killing ordinary enemies.

2 — Armchair-A-Geddon (SLOTH)
Miniguns providing best controlled damage suited well agains single enemies in all ranges and homing missiles can blow up half of the neighborhood. It's weaker than Ark, but its allow the player to have more control over situation and is slighty better against bosses.

1 — Uriels Edge (ENVY)
Its fast melee swings can oneshot trash mobs, Legionnaires, kill Archduke in 10 hits and kill Professor Genki in two hits (!). Its fireball launch attack deals a great damage with big explosion and easely destroying vehicles. Best weapon for annihilating bosses and simply good enough against everyone else.
Appearance and Design
7 — Ark Of The Covenant (WRATH)
Idea is rather intreresting: you wear Ark on yourself as backpack and one of the Angel figure is disconnected and wired to work like a vacuum cleaner handle. But lets be honest: it's ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sucks. If you don't know what even Ark is, all you see is your character wearing ugly gold box on its back and holding pistol which was drawn by a 6 years old.

6 — Gallows Dodger (PRIDE)
It's actually a revolver that is too massive and overcomplicated for its own good. Design of ram skull with red eyes make it look like a very boring fantasy gun. Actually, if that weapon would be hitscan or dualwelded, it would feel better than it's currently.

5 — Last Supper (GLUTTONY)
It's a big frosting mixer, so big it's looks like a sci-fi weapon, which doesn't seems to connect with theme of hell, sin of Gluttony and last meal of the Christ as name suggest.

4 — Diamond Sting (GREED)
Being gold and pimped out version of cheap and "gangster" Mac-10 is very good for representing Greed, but as result desing is very poor taste. Maybe that's intentional.

3 — Boom Chicka (LUST)
Like a previous weapon, it's a pimped out version of the ordinary gun, but design is more thoughful: grey and bright pink colors are interesting in contrast and weapon looks like a well made sex toy parody of actual tool, like it happens in real life. I would put it higher if it wasn't so childish.

2 — Armchair-A-Geddon (SLOTH)
It's weird to have furniture as weapon so high in the list, but it's surprising how grandpa's armchair because of it's great representation fits well both theme of Hell and theme of latter Saint's Row games. Calm green color seems nice and doesn't contradict contradinct main color scheme, miniguns making that weapon looks cool and over the top, but not overcomplicated.

1 — Uriels Edge (ENVY)
Even if this weapon is deservedly considered banal and overused in fantasy, its simple and convincong design allow you to have that weapon out all the time without making it looks stupid or tryhardish cool and unique. It's fitting the main theme of Hell and theme of fantasy superhero, goes great with main color scheme, and animations and effects keep it decent even in action. Blade is not a simple steel covered in fire, is not a simple fire stream, it's a flame that so dence it's become solid, which is, surprisingly not the most popular version of such sword in culture.

You can't go wrong with a flaming sword in Hell.