Hi all, i'm Steve Irwin and today ill be teaching you how to seduce an entire batch of women. Now seducing one woman is never easy, let along an entire group of them. What you have to comprehend is that women are inherently volatile creatures, ready to snap at the slightest inconvenience. Why one time I had a woman attempt to knife me in the gullet for failing to produce a punnet of strawberries in the Gibson desert, crazy stuff. Before you venture into the wild, be sure to stock up on the tried and tested techniques on how to catch yourself your very own sheila. Firstly to properly seduce a nubile women you have to bring a tribute, to demonstrate that you come bearing innocent intents. The most successful gifts range from kittens, vegetarian meals, whips and collars. The second step when attempting to snag a sheila is to always assert dominance. Women, contrary to popular belief are the distant relatives to crocodiles and are able to catch the scent of fear immediately. The moment you hesitate for even a moment, the succubus will lunge for you, determined to exploit your susceptibilities and gain the upper hand. In this instant your best bet is to escape on foot unscathed, or if you aren't a particularly exceptional runner to appear stoic and bulky. Preemptively it would be a wise move to bring a taser, or an item that produces an electrical discharge when courting a female. These two steps are the most vital in the realm of seduction. Once they are nailed down, you will be able to successfully seduce any beauty you set your enthusiastic eyes upon.

The eligible females of Stardew Valley are remarkably few. As a result, meticulous preparation must be taken before attempting to pursue a relationship with them. To guarantee success in seducing the females of this starry value, proper analysis must be undertaken. Below will be a comprehensive description of each single female resident in Stardew Valley.


Name - Hayley

Age - 20

Biography - Haley, despite being of a sweet demeanour, is likely the product of an experimental, unregulated breeding program. This can be derived from the fact that her name 'Haley' is ludicrous and contradicts the regularly spelt version, 'Hayley'. Asides from this minor infraction, Hayley is a female, completely obsessed with her self appearance, spending the majority of her time donning makeup and cosmetics to produce a beautiful sheen to her figure. When she ceases improving her appearance she is seen frolicking outside, attempting to court lobsters and coerce them into performing illicit sexual acts with her. Through watching her frequently, through the local foliage it can be gleaned that the most effective way to seduce her is to masquerade as a lobster and attempt to lure her into a cage. While in her new living quarters she will be stored inside the cellars, being apart of the Stardew Valley harem from then onwards.

Aesthetic - Hayley is regarded as one of the most attractive female denizens of the sacred Valley. She is likely the pinnacle of beauty.


Name - Leah

Age - 18

Biography - Leah appears to be a Hippie, that has sought a life in a rural environment, due to the lack of industry in the local area. She is often seen ranting to passerby's about the sanctity of the environment, visiting the local tavern, engaging in peculiar acts with rabbits and going outside to scrounge up various herbs and spices to utilise in her salad. Due to her distinct affinity with nature, it would be wise to feign interest in her rants about the preserving the environment and then using your seductive charms to implement her status as a harem member. Alternatively, it may be a prudent idea to simply chloroform her, seal her into a cage and store her into the cellar as a newfound addition of the harem. Note, if the decision to chloroform her is made, be sure to ensure that a herbal scent and environmentally friendly products are used.

Aesthetic - Leah is a relatively attractive women, however, her features aren't fully symmetrical.


Name - Emily

Age - 34

Biography - Emily was initially a normal human being, who has now recently conformed to a radical feminist outlook. This is apparent by her recent obsession with narcotics, which she abuses frequently. This individuals personality is essentially recounting her lucid 'dreams', which are referenced her self induced drug lapses. She is often glimpsed sprouting nonsense regarding how Lagamorphs and Aves are her closest companions, all the while detailing her experiences floating upon a magic carpet through a cloudy atmosphere. Her blue hair is a result of attempting to chemically implant dye into her hair, in order to make her internal 'spirit' colourful. She is an immensely erratic and unstable individual. After extensive analysis it has been discovered that she possesses a distinct susceptibility to tranquiliser darts. As a result, the most effective method of securing her place in the harem may be to tranquilise her and placing her in a rehabilitation centre, where she will eventually be cured of her psychotic behaviour. Afterwards, she will develop a deep infatuation for you, her rescuer and will becoming an endearing companion for all of eternity.

Aesthetic Emily is frequently mistaken for a male, wearing an elaborate disguise and wig. However, after closer inspection it is revealed that she is simply a female with masculine features.


Name - Maru

Age - 88

Biography - Maru's biography is a difficult topic to broach, as what plagues her history is the most sinister behaviours known to man. Maru regards herself as a scientist, which she uses as an apt excuse to brutally inflict pain onto her patients. She expresses a sadistic pleasure in mercilessly electrocuting those, who are unfortunate enough to accept her treatment. Coincidentally, she is a zealous advocate of shock therapy, believing that it is a profound solution for any affliction or aliment. In order to seduce her is may be prudent to masquerade as the ancient Greek deity Zeus and convince her you will dedicate a statue to her at a pantheon in Athens, provided she joins your harem.

Aesthetic - Scientists are still uncertain on whether she is a genuine female. However, her anatomy signals that she is biologically a female.

Name - Jas

Age - 2000

Biography - Jas, contrary to popular belief is a 2000 year old, immortal being. She is often regarded in ancient lore as the venerable ruler of the ancient realm of Alsktana. It is popularly believed that Jas obtained immortality through the consumption of ancient nectar, that now only exists in remote mountain lands. This immortals personality is rather an enigma, they don't converse often and are frequently seen staring absentmindedly into the sky, likely contemplating about their ancient realm. The best attempt at successfully seducing this character may be to ensnare her attention with ancient Elven artefacts.

Aesthetic - No Comment.


Name - Robin

Age - 40

Biography - Robin is regarded as the distant relative of Robin Hood, possessing an innate talent for archery and general skullduggery. Asides from her ancestry, she works as the local builder, constructing architectural wonders that astound all worldwide. This talent at building is likely derived from the fact that she is a descendant of Giselberts folk, who are known as a race of proud builders, renowned for their vast castles, spanning kilometres wide and high. Seducing this aged, albeit vibrant beauty, will be relatively simplistic. Merely, masquerade as Bob The Builder and lure her into the ranks of your harem by promising her vast knowledge on the properties of various building components.

Aesthetic - Although she is relatively old, she still maintains a youthful vigor, beguiling a hint at her past beauty.


Name - Abigail

Age - 24

Biography - Abigail is a peculiar enigma. Often she is seen engaging in perplexing acts, such as playing a flute outside while it's raining, or attempting to converse with frogs. What's more intriguing is her apparent desire to consume minerals, particularly Quartz, which she perceives as a delectable treat. Initially, she may come across as a goth, attempting to rebel against a generally conservative society, but at closer analysis it can simply be stated that she is simply a genuinely peculiar individual. To get her to ascend into her rightful place as a member of your harem, simply offer her, her favourite succulent treat.

Aesthetic - Her appearance, although attractive beguiles something more. Close inspection reveals subtle indents in her skin, likely caused due to her affinity for consuming Quartz and other minerals.


Name - Penny

Age - 28

Biography - Differing from the popular, mainstream belief, Penny is not a sentient golden coin, but instead a nubile female. She is often seen possessing a scholary figure, frequently attempting to educate herself on all matters of the world. In an attempt to broaden her knowledge on the world, she lures in children, under the guise that she is a qualified teacher. This is merely a front to give her firsthand psychological knowledge on youth and there aversion towards studying. Beseeching her to join your harem is a viable way in seducing her. If that fails there is always the possibility of knocking her unconscious with a baton.

Aesthetic - She is relatively attractive, however, possesses an inward look, bearing physical characteristics similar to that of an Owl's.

Now that the eligible females have been analysed, you may be curious as to the benefits of owning a personal harem. The opportunities are virtually endless. You have an army of women, who you can ravage at will at your disposal. These women once being told that they will not be receiving a punnet of strawberries can be whipped into a frenzy and directed to an enemy, whom they will completely and utterly decimate. Furthermore, you can be a shepherd of a flock, teaching them the religious doctrine of Vraccas and his creations. There are further lucrative benefits to owning a harem, however, the ones mentioned are the most significant.

To reiterate, owning a harem is the most noble activity one can partake in, being a profession that is regarded with respect amongst all social caste. As such I implore all readers to begin constructing a harem with utmost haste and proceed with repopulating the sacred Valley with your future, indomitable offspring.

To conclude this tale remember the code of the esteemed, seductive gentlemen's club. Court, romance, marry, pollinate and continue with your next sea field treasure.