I wager that you are tentative, likely sitting there both simultaneously neurotic and immobilised, salivating at the mouth while contemplating about the mere thought of freedom. It is likely that you believe this is mere fantasy, an elaborate ploy, designed by Jagex to test your obedience and discipline. It is with earnest sincerity that I say this guide is no ploy, it is not inherently malevolent in nature and is solely designed for the benevolent purpose of freedom. For the last 19 years, since 2001 Runescape has been snaring our youth, corrupting them with monotonous gameplay. It is time to break this sinister tradition, no more shall our youth be sacrificed to the minotaurs dwelling at Jagex' headquarters, today is the time for war, for justice to prevail. Do not be a craven, sally fort and embrace the hilt of your destiny.

Before we delve into the bulk of the guide, it will be wise to establish the perimeters of the average Runescape player, as featured below. In advance, bear in mind that while the image depicts the average player of Runescape, there will naturally be outliers.


Behold the average player of Runescape. Based on scientific readings it has been discovered that after 4 years of playing Runescape, the player while initially being normal, gradually morphs into this peculiar specimen. Firstly, the player is often discovered after playing 4 months of Runescape, to only wear a single styled shirt. Scientists have deduced that this is because the Runescape player wishes to replicate the repetition of the game and attribute it into real life.

Secondly, after 1 year of playing Runescape psychological changes begin to occur. The victims brain automatically transforms the world into an embodiment of Runescape, to ensure that the player never truly abandons the game.

Thirdly, after approximately 2 years of frequently playing Runescape the player develops an intense and obsessive fascination in Sonic, going to the extent to producing Sonic themed attire and relics constantly. The most conspicuous form of Sonic representation, utilised by Runescape players is to adorn a Sonic pendant, that will become permanently affixed with there person.

Fourthly, after 4 full years of constant playing of Runescape, the individual becomes positively unhinged, with there only form of physical communication outside of the game being guttural howls. It is only after intense and rigorous rehabilitation that the player is able to revert to there prior self before engaging in the game.

It is significant and utterly imperative to comprehend that Runescape was initially designed as a punishment for repeat offenders, with the activity being similar to community service. Runescape is none other than a con enterprise, being designed by the government to ensnare youth and force them to learn the principle of unconditional servitude. This is fully encapsulated by the gameplay, which is solely a point and click adventure, with animations of toiling away in the mines, chipping away at trees to produce lumber and ensnaring fish to cook being the highlights of this governmental experiment. Runescape is not a game, for a game is designed to be fun. Instead Runescape is an educational source, catered to youth, designed to teach them the value of exerting yourself in unpaid physical labour.

It must be bellowed loudly through the halls and reiterated incessantly, the pets you can acquire in Runescape are not real. They are artificial constructs with no autonomy, conjured by the game to evoke a sense of sympathy within you, which will then be used to implore you to continue playing. In more simplistic terms they seek to exploit your emotional vulnerabilities and coerce you into developing a budding relationship with your virtual pets. This is a means to convince you to continue playing, ultimately distracting you from your genuine responsibilities. Boris Hamsk, it is time to stop feeding your virtual Neopets and feed your children and dogs, who have thus far been surviving from sustenance obtained from nutrients derived from concrete walls, which contrary to popular belief, contain various nutrients.

It is time to shatter your reality, Runescape is not a genuine world. Instead it an illusion, designed to beguile you into perpetual servitude. Look around you and question if the environment in Runescape appears aesthetically real. Determine the likelihood of rock trolls, wizards and various bestial species existing in the public and then you will have your answer.

Ever since you have discovered the truth and gravity of the situation, the owners of Runescape have kept a watchful, prudent eye on you. Monitoring every slight movement, attempting to calculate your disposition and preparing for the inevitable escape attempt. This isn't there first encounter of disobedience and likely will not be there last. Fortunately for you, I have produce an extensive escape plan, that will likely serve as an invaluable schematic for years to come.




The image above depicts the comprehensive schematics, painstakingly produced in MS Paint. First you will be required to visit and vanquish four guardians, who safeguard levers that are required to open the portal to Earth. After each guardian is defeated in there respective location, pull the lever. As demonstrated by the pow pow, words, the battle with the guardians will be gruelling, meaning that it is necessary for you to prepare your wit and strength for an inevitably difficult duel to commence. After the levers are pulled simply escape through the portal, however, be brisk as roving bands of mercenaries may attempt to prohibit your progress. As demonstrated by the words glorious freedom, it is a monumental achievement to finally escape, a deed worthy of hearty revelry and jubiliance.

It is finally over, a worthy endeavour has been carried out and completed successfully. You, my ducklings are now liberated, free to return home, to your shire, wife and family. Now that you have been freed, savour this moment, for you have experienced imprisonment and are now able to relish the taste of utter freedom. It is crucial that you resist any temptation to return to Runescape, for the moment you enter you will immediately be knocked unconscious and placed in solitude, forced to work as payment for for your perceived ignorance. The creators of Runesape have no shred of mercy, they are ruthless honey badgers and are known to say, 'when there's a whip there's a way'. For any who are still currently captive, do not fall into a pit of despair, remain hopeful for remember 'where there's a will there's a way''. Utter this wise proverb when in doubt and you will remain powerful.