I've added 2 kind of arrows on the screenshots below:

- Green Arrow = safe and easy

- Red Arrow = hard or tricky (or both)

Your biggest obstacle realistically are the other Beans. They can often mess you up.

Alright, let's go!

At the start as seen on the screenshot below you'll see 2 Bouncy Pads straight ahead.

-EASY PATH-
Instead of walking all the way around you'll want to jump on top of the ledge between the 2 yellow Bouncy Pads (might require diving the closer you are to the bottom).

-HARD / TRICKY PATH-
You can also instead jump on the first Bouncy Pad (as shown on the screenshot) and launch yourself on top of the platform. This can be tricky since you may fall, bounce off, don't have enough momentum, or too many players try to do it.

The pushy blocks are straight forward, don't try to run through if you're not gonna make it.

Just run up the hill as normal preferably hug the right side but dodge if neccessary.
instead of running around the pole on the end, you WANT to enter the LAST HOLE
(see screenshot). When the Pushy goes back in take your chance and jump over to the next part.

As you're walking up the ramp after the Pushies you'll want to jump on the treadmill and run slightly to the top right so you don't fall off. You'll want to go to the top right ideally near the bottom of the first yellow sausage.
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-BOOSTING-
You can boost yourself on the donuts if you let them hit you as they're moving back towards the wall
(see screenshot)
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Go to where the first yellow sausage connects to the ramp, Jump and Dive on top of the ramp.
Now move up the yellow sausages by staying on the middle and avoiding sliding off the edges.
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-BULLY ZONE-

I did some testing and there's 2 optimal routes to take here.

-OPTION 1-

This route is very useful when the bully is occupied with another bean. When the bully is ocupied with another player just jump on the yellow sausage and walk around them either right or left, look at what side has the most space.

-OPTION 2-

When the Bully is close to the start of the sausage try jump diving behind them.

-NOTE-

These tricks are kinda well.... tricky because grabs are totally stupid with the current latency so be prepared for some shenanigans.

When the bully is occupied with another bean you can also try to jump on either of the beans' head and jump off of their head, but if you fail you're most likely to fall down.

You can always try to counter grab the bully and try to push THEM off.

As you jump off the last yellow sausage you want to sorta make an U-Turn and Jump on the ledge to the next bit. (you can Dive to make sure you make it, just don't slide into the hammer).
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Great! You made it this far, now you got 2 options again!

-EASY PATH- (recommended)
You'll want the make your way over towards the wall in-between the first and second Pushy. When you're nearing the wall you'll want to Jump and Dive (Don't dive too early) in between the first and second Pushy. Continue as normal.

-HARD AND TRICKY PATH- (don't recommend)
For you daredevils out there you can jump on the third spinning hammer as the hammer is closest to the wall and jump off of the hammer on the ledge in-between the third and fourth Pushy (see screenshot).

I really do not recommend doing this, it's quite tricky and a waste of time.
But +50 extra Schmoove points for those who manage to pull it off.

This part is straight forward, I personally always stay to the left side and weave through the middle if needed. All you can really do it look at the Donuts and avoid them.

If you feel like you're going to hit a Donut just turn back so you slow down. Be patient.
I do not recommend diving here just for safety.

You've almost made it!

All I can say here is be patient and turn your camera as seen in the screenshot below in the direction so you can see both balls. (They're moving away from me in the screenshot)

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-BULLY ZONE-

So near the finish there's 2 common bully spots 1 is in between the 2 wrecking balls and the other one is at the finish line. Luckily these are easier to avoid than the yellow sausage.

-WRECKING BALLS-

Depending on where the bully is standing just run opposite sides. When the bully is in the middle I'd recommend waiting for another bean to use as distraction, or you could try and dash through the side that has the most space in between you 2.

-FINISH LINE-

Just jump and dive as you're about to get close to the solid ground. Again if needed wait for other beans to use as a distraction. But jump diving works more often than not.

YOU QUALIFIED AS A REAL CHAMP!!! YOU'VE SUCCESSFULLY CONQUERED SLIME CLIMB!

Video I made to showcase the basics in this guide, screenshots have been taken from this video.

The original meme guide, made by yours truly ;)
https://gtm.steamproxy.vip/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2208420967