This is probaly what your mind is doing on your first game...

Your first adventure into Hexagonal Hell is unrefined Chaos. You have no idea what’s going to hit you. You brain will flip out at all these strange formations of Triangular Genocide… OOOooo pretty colours… WAIT! What’s that Hexagon? KILL THEM ALL? GOOD IDEA!!! Well; we have to refine that Chaos…

*Don’t listen to anything the Hexagon says!*

First… all those flashy colours, all the spinning, eventually your brain can phase all that out. Once you get used to it, you hardly notice it… unless it’s the Hexagonest super spin of FU that takes quite a bit to phase out… Ooooo Hexagonest Raaaaaainbooowwwws… DED! Do note that when you venture into a new Hexagon, you may have to re-adapt. I found the colour palate of Hyper Hexagoner a bit of a mind rape... that one took a while to tune out.

SANE VERSION:

All the flashing colours, spinning and pulsing are visual distractions that you must get used to. Each new level has different colours and features to overcome, for example, Hexagon may only slowly spin, but Hexagonest throws a very nasty 360 spin at you once and a while. If you can ignore all that and just focus on the patterns and movement, you are one step closer to victory!

At the top... unrefined chaotic mind rape. At the bottom, how you will see things with practice!

Eventually your mind is going to recognize those Triangular Genocide assaults. The first time a new attack appears, you may be all… OOOOOHHH SHEEEEEEET WHAT DEW I DEW… DAMMIT NOT THAT ONE AGAIN, OW MY BALLS! *Table Flip* Well… practice makes perfect… painful and unrelenting practice… then that nut cracking formation gets its nuts cracked! You may even start naming the formations… Douche Square, Titty Twister, Wigglefarts, Weeping Angel, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Wrench Thing… LIIINEEEE VOMMMMITTTTT, LEFT LEFT RIGHT RIGHT RIIIGHHHH♥♥♥♥ THAT!

SANE VERSION:

The more you play; you will start to recognize attack patterns. Each stage also has its own set of special attack patterns that you must look out for. Example, Hexagon is the only stage to transition from Pentagon to Square, while Hexagoner has a tight line gauntlet that isn’t found in any other stage. See that green Photoshop blasphemy below…

Dr.Who knows how to play too...

The Itsy Bitsy Spider is in the Hexagon. The Triangle is going to get a Nommed!

There is a few ways to move dat Triangle. You have Arrow Keys, the Mouse Keys, and the Xbox 360 Controller. Play around and find what registers best with your brain. I tend to be a 360 user due to how my mind clicks with the circular movement instead of just left/right. Once the Triangular Genocide Attack Formations register in your mind, your Triangle movements may become automatic as well. You WILL know how far to move to get past the DEATH. Still, overcalculating can be the doom of any Triangle… which brings us too…

SANE VERSION:

Try the different control options to find out what suits you best (A+D, left + right arrows, left and right mouse buttons, or 360 control pad). When you memorize and conquer attack patterns, you will automatically know where to move with little thought.

88mph? 88MPH!!!!!

You got to predict in the future, not the present! Look ahead, not at your feet! Look for the gaps; don’t stare at the Triangle, no matter how sexy that Triangle may look. Triangle be all “Hey babe, check out my angles ;)” then Hexagon runs in and MUGS YOU WHILE YOU ARE DISCRTACTED!

SANE VERSION

Know where the Triangle is without staring at it! A friend was wondering were the best focal point was, and I couldn’t really explain it well. It’s like driving a car and knowing were your wheels are. Here it's spinning a Triangle and knowing where it is without looking at it! Look ahead for the best reaction time!

Hexagoner wants to take you for a spin. How are you gonna plan your moves?

This is a rough scribble of the area were planning should be made. Don’t focus in the red zone. Red zone is you're dead zone!

You must achieve the state of Hexagonal Triangular Zen. This will not come to you right away, you must expose your mind to the Hexagon quite frequently and adapt to all the things I have mentioned. You are TRIANGLE, you find HOLE, and you go through HOLE according to ATTACK FORMATION PATTERN. There is no flashiness, there are no shiny colours, and there is no spoon! NO THINKING, NO BLINKING… well… you kind of have to blink, and make sure you keep breathing. Sometimes I think I stop breathing when I hear PENTAGON…

SANE VERSION:

Have a clear mind, don’t think so much, and eliminate outside distractions to enter ZEN MODE. It’s almost like a metal autopilot mode that turns on in fast paced games like these. Zen mode unlocks when you have tuned out the games distractions and know how to deal with incoming attack formations.

Do... or do not. There is no try!

Such Peace... much Zen... Wow...

Play a faster Hexagon, and the lower difficulty ones become… sloooooowwweerr? IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! Brain says yes. Brain gets all adjusted to fasterness, and then the other ones become… slowerrrrededed! You may even Zen into the slower ones easier… argh I hate it when I zone in and die… it makes me jump because my brain is on bloody autopilot and doesn’t resister the mess up!

SANE VERSION:

Play a faster stage a few times, and then return to a slower stage. The slower stage will feel much slower now. For example, I was unable to do Hexagonest very well until I beat Hyper Hexagon and Hyper Hexagoner.

OMG so sloooowwww.... GO SNAIL GO

Find yourself smashing into crap too quick? Try a slower song! Is that Hexagon moving at 88 fricken miles per hour? Get a tune that plays as fast! Silencing Chipzel and the Hexagon Lady feels like a CRIME AGAINST GEOMETRY though…

SANE VERSION

This may be a strange phenomenon but it may have merit. The beat of a song may INCREASE or DECREASE your playing speed. Disable the sounds in the menu, and play a song of your choice externally.

http://youtu.be/9TTnTu3ql_g
If you want to keep to Chipzel, this song gets my vote for ACCELERATION. It may start off a little slow, but then it goes NUTS. If only my Gameboy sounded that sexy!

Don’t worry, the cops are not on their way, Hexagonal Indulgence is perfectly legal (in most countries)! It is hard to say why Hexagons are so addictive. Does it insult you and you want to punch it in the faces so hard that the robot lady says EXCELLENT? YOU WANT TO WIN? CAN YOU SEE VICTORY THOUGH ALL THOSE WALLS OF DEATH AND DISTRUCTION? DO YOU WANT TO PUT BEATING THIS GAME ON YOUR RESUME? That… may not be a good idea! The Hexagonal Mastermind has discovered some magical formula that clicks with those who refuse to be defeated by mere shapes! Has anyone played the Hexagon backwards to see if there are any brainwashing messages being played back?

SANE VERSION:

It just like why Tetris is addictive… what is with shape games being so addictive?!

This man tried to drop his Hexagons and run… he didn’t get too far…

And this concludes your Brain on the Hexagon. May your adventures in Geometry Hell be rage inducing and fruitful while feeling your Brain power up into a Hexagonal Bitchslapper! Do note that there is a 50% chance of developing insanity from Hexagonal Overexposure. HEY! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!

SANE VERSION:

Good Luck, have fun, and don’t punch out your monitor, break your keyboard, or toss your mouse out the window!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3q9qdz1VJoI
If your not insane now... well... it could be worse... ATLEAST ITS NOT THIS. Video created by ballom

PRAY!