If you wanted to have fun you should play Minecraft or Fartnite (goteeem) because CS:GO is for real men.

If you are not ready to sacrifice your good mood for the sake of winning the next game, you are not only wrong, but also unwanted in this guide!

This is the first thing you need to learn.

Play. To. Win.

Warmup:

• You will need to buy AK/M4 or - even better - AWP. Another possibility is to use whatever skin you have in StatTrak, but Rifle/AWP are the best.
  
• Camp places where stupid noobs that think CSGO is a game will run out ight into your crosshair. Examples are Inferno Mid where you can crouch-camp and watch T ramp, or Dust2 B doors to get the CTs when they are in Spawn.
  
• The idea is to assert dominance and get the most warmup you can get - every kill increases your skill!!
  
• Buying, like, a Deagle and Armor so you can try to go for one deags or a Negev/M249 for the "memes" is pathetic. If you have ever done this you have a lot to learn - good that you are here.

During the game:

• Etiquette is important: Type gg and gh! However, you should not type "GL HF" at the start of the game. Why? -> This is not a game. This is not about fun, it is about winning. If you need to type something you can go for "gl", which lets the enemies know that you clearly are the superior enemy
  
• Talk with your team. Communication plays a big role in CS:GO. You should know 98% of all callouts in English, German, Russian Turkish and French so you can adapt. Of course, not everyone will know them as well as you do - but that's why they are blessed to have you in the team! If your teammates call incorrectly or not clearly ("above you" in a clutch situation), make sure to talk over them and to tell your teammate EXACTLY where the enemy is.
  
• When a player plays music for longer than 1ms/round you will have to tell them that they need to stop now. If they do not stop, you can tell them that they are muted so they will know that they have failed you and will think about their actions.

Team communication rules:

• First of all: Since you watch the most pro games and know the most about the game, you are entitled to the IGL role of your Matchmaking team. Make this clear!
  
• If you are CT and a T comes to your bombsite, call your teammates to rotate immediately! If they do not arrive at site within 13 seconds, you are allowed to flame them for the next 3 rounds.
  
• If you are T and get a kill on one site, call your team to go push with you and PUSH IMMEDIATELY. It is not your fault that a incendiary or a smoke gets thrown, so in case you do not win the round on the back of your sick entry: You are allowed to flame the team for the next 3 rounds.
  
• If you die: Call out the position of the enemy. After that, resort to asking your team repeatedly WHY and HOW this guy could be THERE because WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU WATCHING PURRLE???
  
• Being dead just means you have more time to call strats and callouts for your teammates.
  
• If somehow one of your teammates has a bad game, go motivate him by asking who boosted him into your rank and wtf is wrong with him. Make jokes about him when you spectate him while you are dead, and call him a baiter when he is the last one alive. Motivation works wonders!
  
• If you lose 3 rounds in a row and one of your mates loses his 1v4 clutch, you are allowed to type "gg" in Team Chat.
  
• If you lose more than 4 rounds in a row, you are allowed to go completely mute after typing "gg" in All-chat.

If someone kills you:

• Well, it's either because you were looking the wrong way when they peeked you. Clearly, that could have been prevented if your teammates woULD HAVE YOUR BACK JUST ONE F***ING TIMe.
  
• Otherwise it's the game - we all know that CS:GO has crappy netcode, bad hitboxes, even worse hitreg and 64-Tick. You, as the superior player, can obviously feel which one of the mentioned reasons is the one why you missed your shot. Make sure to inform your enemy why exactly they were spared this time. A quick "omg nice hoitbo xes wtf" should suffice.

After the game:

• If you win: Type "EZ" in chat and ask the enemy bottom frag who boosted him.
  
• If you lose: Report whole enemy team. Paste report notification in chat so they know they should never have messed with you. Ask your bottom frag who boosted him.

War games and casual is for simpletons who do not know what this game is about. If you want to play these gamemodes you should go play Minecraft. Or Fartnite (gotteeeeem).

Side note:
Deathmatch is training for your superb aim, just as the gym is for training your Adonis-like body. If you play Deathmatch you can also claim that you've been at the gym, since those two are clearly the same.
When I tried it in field testing, I came to the conclusion that Females™ do react more attracted to me stating I've been in the gym for 4 hrs a day the last 2 weeks. Just a tip for those of you who think you need females in your life (also, see further down in "Agent Skins" about that).


Deathmatch Basics:

• Do not listen to music and crank the volume up so you can hear all the steps!
  
• Play AWP or AK, nothing else.
  
• If someone plays music over Voice Chat, complain loudly before initiating a votekick.
  
• Camping in one spot that is easy to defend is the best way to get sick multi-kills for a youtube montage!

Deathmatch Etiquette:

• If some noob camps in one spot and he's hard to kill because that spot is easy to defend you should call him out as "camper noob". If that does not help, you can also use voice chat to let the other players know of your displeasure.
  
• If someone plays AWP only you should call them out on that. Typing "AWP only lol you think u kenyS?=?" should be sufficient to make them re-think their life decisions.
  
• If someone is using SMGs, Shotguns or Auto Sniper you should call them a noob and votekick.
  
• If someone dominates you they are probably cheating. Report them and paste the report message in chat. Ask the enemy team to votekick.
  
• !!!SUPER IMPORTANT!!! If someone tries to knife you DO NOT GO FOR THE KNIFE FIGHT!

-> Why so, you may ask? Imagine the following:
You are camping in Dust2 pit with your AWP, like any skilled player would do. You already have a sick kill streak of 5.
Suddenly, you see someone on the side of your screen. You can hear him, foolishly making a single footstep sound. You turn around to hit the sickest Quickscope ever. Because the hitboxes are trash and the server is 64 Tick, you miss.

The player then tries to knife you, since you can't shoot that fast with the awp you are pretty helpless.
You should never give up at this point. There is a reason you got your Deagle with you! Show this noob that you should not be messed with! This is not a joke, this is serious. Getting knifed is the ultimate humilation. Do not get knifed BY ANY MEANS.

man agent skins are sooo cool!

Do you think Agent Ava would, like, go on a date with me? hahaha I know she is not real but.. what if... haha just kidding but do you think she would?... hah...

CT Skins:
Ava is nice and all, but you really should go for those KSK guys. They are only a blue skin, yes. But they look SO COOL man! They have Guns and those cool black glasses and everything man I wish I was his friend haha oh man did you see his cool gun holster? XD oh man yea he looks so epic!









T Skin:
Agent Romanov is the way to go. He llooks SO COOL!! Frick man he is so bad a*s do you think I could be his friend? I always spend extra time in the buy menu and imagine him and me are talking XD Also did you see his end of game animation!?!?!? SO COOL! He does th ecool dance!!!



I feel like 95% of the ultra tryhards use Romanov. If you dislike Romanov Skin users, join us: https://gtm.steamproxy.vip/groups/ANTIROMANOV

Skins are the way to go if you want to be good.
Why?
I have never seen a pro without skins. Skins DO make you better at the game. It is that easy.

Skin guidelines:
You can not just use any skins. Here are some guidelines.

• StatTrak only. Otherwise you couldn't keep count how many noobs you have obliterated.
  
• Red or Purple quality skins only. The more colorful the better. Because they are so cool. But do not forget that they need to be StatTrak!
  
• Knife must be StatTrak. Looks are secondary.
  
• You NEED skins for AWP, M4, AK, Deag because every pro plays with them the most.
  
• If you win against someone with a more expensive inventory than you have, you are entitled to tell them they have "Skin no Skill" and that "P2W" did not work out for them. That'll show them!

like subscribe favourite thanks for reading share with your friends and parents and let me know what you think in the comments stay hydrated and work out daily.


Another PSA:
If you, for a reason I could NEVER comprehend, have a particular strong dislike towards Agent Romanov, you are welcome to join this group: https://gtm.steamproxy.vip/groups/ANTIROMANOV

I can not be the only one who sees a correlatin between Romanov Skin users and tryhards.
Spread the word.