Do you like casual games that offer a decent challenge while still giving you a fair shot at winning? Yes? Then what the hell are you doing playing this game?! Chainsaw Warrior will chew you up and spit you out without so much as a second glance, no matter your gamer cred or skill level.
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This little dollop of madness was created as a solitare (that means one-player) card game back in the late 80s! The gracious minds over at Games Workshop decided to bring this lesson of futility to a new generation.
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Say hello to all the horrible people that made this happen.

Now, it may look like I'm already bashing on this game, but I'm not. Sure, it's hard as hell and relies on an obscene amount of luck, but it's still a fun game. I will kill that damn Darkness someday...

Seriously?! This game has a story? With a name like Chainsaw Warrior, why does it need a story? Who cares about why you're doing...whatever it is you're supposed to be doing.

SHUT UP, NERD! You'll watch the intro sequence at least once and you'll like it!

Welcome to New York in the year 2032. We begin in an apartment hearing of some odd reports of general mahem happening downtown.
Suddeny, you have a visitor. An officer walks in and offers you a job. Well, less of an offer and more of a debt to be collected.
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You see, in the last unnamed war, you nearly got torn in two. But you happen to be just special enough that the miracle workers in the med lab were able to patch you together, making you some sort of universal soldier...thing.
They're lucky that you decided to retire in New York.

A short trip to the local base, and you're face to face with the man responsible for you still being alive.
On a side note: Is it just me, or does that reporter who's supposidly reading the news look more like someone who's nodding off on national television? When you watch the clip, you'll see what I mean.

Anyways, the general tells you of some scientific gobbledegook and explains that a dozen soldiers all met an untimely end at the hands, or claws, of some godforsaken things. Oh, and there's rats.
You begin to get the picture: You going to have to end up doing something alone that an entire squad of well armed and trained soldiers couldn't. You're just that special kind of semi-retired cyborg.

Next, it's off to meet some egghead who's trying to pull off the Max Headroom look.
He explains that there's these weird 'ghosts' that can slip through into our dimension every once in a while, but they can't survive for very long and don't pose any danger on their own. But now they've decided to unionize and come after us en masse. Apparently, they're interested in real estate in New York and they don't want to share, just like everyone else in New York. Some sort of creature called Darkness (creative, right?) is leading them and is allowing them to survive in our world and pose a serious threat.

Worse yet, Mr. I-Don't-Need-No-Sunscreen is eminating so much dark power, that he'll soon engulf the entire area and noone'll be able to stop him. How soon is soon? Why, 60 minutes soon my boy!
Boy, they are really lucky you decided to live in New York.

So they suit you up with the latest military equipment, dust off your skills, and send you packing to the epicenter of all this mess...which just so happens to be on the other side of the vending machines.

Ok. Now that you know why you're here and what you're supposed to be doing, it's time to find out how you're going to get the job done.

First thing to do is select your level of difficulty.
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To be fair, these difficulty settings need to be explained a little more.

• Easy mode is actually Almost Impossible mode.
  
• Normal mode is actually Practically Impossible mode.
  
• Hard mode is actually Mathmatically Impossible mode.

Does that clear things up for you? Ok. Let's move on.

Now for some general information about the gameplay basics.
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And now for even more general information.
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What? You think I'm being lazy for just posting screens of what the developers what you to know before you dive in? Well excuse me! I thought I would just let them explain it to you guys. It's their game, they developed it, who better to tell you about this stuff?

Oh yeah. And on top of everything else, it'll be getting dark in a half an hour, making things a little bit more difficult in there.
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Get used to that background. You'll be staring at it this whole time and you'lll probably think it's your desktop image if you play long enough.

Ok, it's number crunching time people! Rolling d6's is the name of the game. Rolling high is good, rolling low is bad. Let's take a look at how your stats are derived

Endurance
Throughout the corse of your adventure, you will most likely be exposed to radiation and probably exposed to zombie infection. Both of these are tracked seperately, but if either one reaches or goes above your Endurance, you will die. Minimum possible is 4, max is 24.
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Wounds
When you take damage, it is subtracted your Wounds. Some enemies deal more damage than others. If your Wounds reaches zero, you will die. Wounds can be healed, but not above your starting value. Minimum is 8, max is 18.
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Hand-to-Hand
This stat determines how good you are at Hand-to-Hand (HtH) combat. This stat, plus or minus any modifiers, plus 2d6 determines your attack total in combat. More on combat later. Minimum is 7, max is 12.
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Marshmanship
You may be able to kick ass in melee, but how good are you with a gun? Your Marksmanship modifier is applied to the effectiveness of the weapon chosen to determine if you successfully hit your target before they get into HtH combat. More on combat later. Minimum is -2, max is +2
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Reflexes
There are many traps you'll have to face while making your way to the Darkness. Many of these traps will require a Reflex roll to dodge its effects. Reflexes is also the basis for preparing a ranged weapon before the enemy engages you in HtH. Minimum is 7, max is 11.
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Special Skill
This is a speciality that you excell, and you only get one. Most skills modify your other stats while some give you extra abilities. The skills are:

• Marksman - +1 Marksmanship.
  
• Endurance - +1d6 Endurance.
  
• Agility - +1 Reflexes.
  
• Strength - +1 Hand-to-Hand.
  
• Climbing - Falling into any pit traps does not take additional time to get out of. Bypass Chasm Event. You may also treat all Elevator locations as clear.
  
• Hiding - When encountering an enemy, you can make a Hide check by rolling 1d6. If you roll a 6, you evade combat before it even begins. Does not work against Darkness.

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Equipment
This is how many points you can use to purchase your starting equipment. Some pieces of equipment are more useful than others. Minimum of 3, max of 8.
The next several sections are all about the equipment you can get.

All of the enemies you face in the tower will engage you in HtH combat. With that in mind, you need to have some sort of melee weapon.

There are 7 HtH weapons to choose from, all of which cost 1 Equipment Point. Each weapon is ranked 1 to 3 Stars in terms of effectiveness I've found.

Chainsaw - +3 HtH. Opens locked doors on 8 or better with 2d6. Powered weapon.
The preferred weapon of choise against virtually everything you'll face up close in the tower. 3 Stars.
Stunnux - +2 HtH. +4 HtH against Mutants and the Meat Machine. Powered weapon.
Great as a backup and the go to HtH weapon against Mutants and the Meat Machine. 2 Stars.
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Throw Nets - Instantly defeats any enemy used against except for Darkness and the Meat Machine. 3 Uses.
Only useful if you don't have a good HtH stat against the more powerful Mutants and the Slime. 1 Star.
Time Grenades - Shuffles opponent into the other House deck. 2 Uses. Powered weapon.
If I can't handle the enemy now, why would I want to face them later? 0 Stars.
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C.N.E.S. - Instantly kills any enemy used against except for Darkness. Take 1d6 Wound damage when used. Powered weapon.
This HtH weapons usefulness is based on your remaining Wounds and if you have a Medi Kit on hand and if you don't have the proper weaponry to deal with the more powerful enemies. 1 Star.
Poison Needle - Kills enemy after 1 to 3 rounds of combat. 1 Use.
I can see it's uses, but only one charge? Pass. 0 Stars.
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Knife - +1 HtH. Can be thrown at Zombies (Attack of 8) or Chaos Agents (Attack of 9) as a ranged attack before engaging in HtH. If thrown, the enemy must be killed to retrieve the Knife.
While not very powerful, having the Knife on hand means you still have a HtH weapon while the rest of your gear is down because of the Mag Field Trap. 2 Stars.

Most likely the bread & butter of your ranged combat, Guns provide you an option to kill enemies before they get into HtH combat.

Before you are able to shoot an enemy, you musy first make a Reflex check to ready the weapon before the enemy closes on you. If successful, you may then fire the weapon. Each guns efectiveness varies depending on the target you're shooting. The number printed on the gun is the result or greater you need to roll with 2d6 to hit your target. The lower the target number, the greater chance you have of killing the enemy. Your Marksmanship stat can modify this value up or down and is automatically applied to the values shown on the weapon.

Guns cost 2 Equipment Points and you can only select one at the beginning of the game. If you select to take a Gun, you cannot take a Heavy Weapon. All Guns are C.A.T.S. compatable (see Devices) and none require power to operate. There are four Guns to choose from. Each Gun is ranked 1 to 3 Stars as per how effective I have seen them to be.

Blaster - Zombies(7) Rats(9) Mutants(11) Chaos Agents(8) Meat Machine(13) Doors(7), 16 Uses
Only really effective against Zombies, Rats and Agents, the Blaster is an ok choise if your HtH is lacking and you have other plans for Mutants and the Meat Machine. 16 shots is very nice, but the weapon overall is too weak to be really viable. 1 Star.
Automatic Rifle - Zombies(6) Rats(5) Mutants(8) Chaos Agents(7) Meat Machine(10) Doors(5), 12 Uses
Offering superior firepower and a generous clip, the Auto Rifle is overall the best choise to take into the Tower. 3 Stars.
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Combat Shotgun - Zombies(5) Rats(5) Mutants(8) Chaos Agents(6) Meat Machine(10) Doors(5), 8 Uses
Being barely better against Zombies and Agents is not worth four less shots for me when compared to the Auto Rifle. Obviously, it is the most powerful Gun in the game. 2 Stars.
Submachine Gun - Zombies(5) Rats(7) Mutants(8) Chaos Agents(6) Meat Machine(11) Doors(6), 10 Uses
Definately better than the Blaster, but not as good as the Auto Rifle. Only 10 shots? Should be more. 1 Star.
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Laser Lance - Zombies(5) Rats(7) Mutants(8) Chaos Agents(6) Meat Machine(10) Doors(3), 3 Uses
This is a very special little energy pistol that, for some reason, is the only weapon in the game that can kill Darkness. This weapon does not cost you Equipment points and is automatically issued to you. If it is broken or stolen, you need to immediately leave the building to get another one and start the current deck over again. With only three charges, you need to save this for Darkness if you can help it. Finding a supply dump can refill the Lance or give you a spare clip (battery?) for it.

It's time to break out the heavy artillery, people! Extremely devistating weapons that also are expensive, but provide unparalleled offense against everything Darkness can throw at you (except for Darkness itself, that is).

Using a Heavy Weapon follows the same exact procedure as using a Gun. Roll Reflex to ready, then roll to hit your target. Choosing to take a Heavy at the start of the game taks up 3 Equipment points, and you can't take a Gun with you for backup. Same rules apply to the weapons effectiveness. Lower is better.

There are four Heavy Weapons in the game and each are rated 1 to 3 Stars for effectiveness as I have seen them to be. Only the Dynamite is not C.A.T.S. compatable (again, see Devices) and, just like Guns, none requre power to function.

Dynamite - Zombies(9) Rats(8) Mutants(6) Chaos Agents(9) Meat Machine(4) Doors(2), 5 Uses - can be used to blow through walls, skipping the next 1d6 cards - encounter Zombies on a roll of 4, 5 and 6 on 1d6 when used
Less of a weapon and more of a utility, this is the Heavy item of choise if you want to blast your way through the deck as fast as possible, but it limits your offensive choises. 1 Star.
MTM Rocket Launcher - Zombies(4) Rats(4) Mutants(4) Chaos Agents(4) Meat Machine(4) Doors(4), 4 Uses
This undisputed king of combat will make short work of anything foolish enough to stand in front of you. It's limited ammo capacity is it's only real downside. 2 Stars.
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Flamethrower - Zombies(4) Rats(4) Mutants(6) Chaos Agents(5) Meat Machine(8) Doors(6), 12 Uses
There's something satisfying about this wepon that just can't be put into words. 12 shots means you won't run out of ammo soon. 2 or 3 Stars.
Reaper - Zombies(4) Rats(7) Mutants(4) Chaos Agents(4) Meat Machine(5) Doors(4), 8 Uses
The next best thing in terms of power when compared to the RL, but with twice the capacity. This Heavy makes a compelling argument for selection. 2 or 3 Stars.
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Wait a minute. 2 or 3 Stars? What the hell do you mean by that? What I mean is that the big thing to take into consideration when chooseing a Heavy Weapon is the Slime enemy.
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Yes, you read that right. If it hits you, it kills you instantly. If you have the other items listed or don't mind using the Laser Lance on it, then I would advised taking the Reaper. If not and you want to hold onto the Lance for Darkness, then the wiser choice would be the Flamethrower.

These nifty little devices you carry around in your utility belt will be of great service in reaching your goal. Each provides a bonus to something, or the ability to bypass certain traps altogether.

There is a whopping eighteen different devices to take with you, so there's no shortage of selection. Each Device you select costs 1 Equipment point. There is no limit of how many Devices you can take, as long as you have room for them. As before, each is ranked 1 to 3 Stars based on general effectiveness. Anything listed with 0 Stars means I wouldn't choose it under any circumstances.

Flash Bombs - Can only be used after dark. Use to either gain +3 HtH or to automatically escape in the next combat round. You still cannot escape from Darkness. 3 Uses.
Handy for getting out of Dodge when up against the Slime or Meat Machine. 2 Stars.
C.A.T.S. Scope - Attach to any compatable Gun or Heavy Weapon. +2 Marksmanship, +1 Lucky Shot (see Combat) with attached weapon. 1 Use (cannot be attached to multiple weapons at once). Powered Device.
If nothing else tickles your fancy, consider attaching this to the Lance to make Darkness easier to hit. 1 Star.
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Torch(Flashlight) - Negates night penalty to HtH rolls. +1 HtH against Zombies and Rats. Powered Device.
Hitting Zombies and rats should not be very difficult in the first place, and combat doesn't become that much harder at night. 1 Star.
Sonic Amplifier - Skip Reflex test to shoot Zombies. Bypass Cave In Trap. Must be used before revealing the card. Look for warning sign. Powered Device.
You should never need to shoot a Zombie, and the Cave in Trap is only one of many. 0 Stars.
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T.D.D. - Skip Reflex test to shoot Darkness. Powered Device.
Unless your Reflex is below 9, skip this. 0 Stars.
Heat Detector - Skip Reflex test to shoot Rats and Chaos Agents. Bypass Lunatic event. Must be used before revealing the card. Look for warning sign. Powered Device.
Only a select few of the Agents should warrent wasting ammo on, and while the Lunatic is greatly frustrating, it is also very rare. 1 Star.
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Metal Detector - Skip Reflex test to shoot the Meat Machine. Bypass Mines and Wire Traps by adding 1 Minute. Must be used before revealing the card. Look for warning sign. Powered Device.
Same as before. There is a much better way to get past the Wire Trap. 0 Stars.
Rope Launcher - Skip 1d6 cards while at a Balcony location by adding 30 seconds. Bypass Chasm Event.
Skipping cards is paramount and even though the Chasm is rare, it can potentially be a game killer. 3 Stars.
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Wire-Cutter - Bypass Wire and Net Traps.
While it doesn't seem like much, there are MANY Wire Traps, and this doesn't add time to skip it! 3 Stars.
Lock Pick Set - Bypass Locked Doors.
Breaking down doors takes time and potentially ammo, plus there isn't any guarantee that'll work.
This will. 2 Stars.
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UV Emitter - Bypass searching for wandering Zombies in clear rooms. Bypass Ambush Event. Powered Device.
Even though you don't come across wanderers often in empty rooms, they take time you don't have to kill. The Ambush can take up to 3 minutes or more to clear. 2 Stars.
Anti-Rad Pills - Used automatically after first exposure to radiation. 1 Use.
Unless your Endurance is very low, radiation won't be an issue. 0 Stars.
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Remote Camera - Add 30 seconds to look at the next 2d6 cards. 1 Use. Powered Device.
Even if you know what's coming, unless you can skip them you still have to face them. 0 Stars.
Geiger Counter - Bypass Mutants and Rad Canister Trap. Must be used before revealing the card. Look for warning sign. Adds 5 discarded cards to the current deck. Powered Device.
Radiation isn't really a big deal, unless your Endurance is very low. Adding back 5 cards you already cleared? Forget that! 0 Stars.
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Medi Kit - Take 30 seconds to look for wandering Zombies. If ther are none, heal 1d6 Wounds. 1 Use.
Combine this with the UV Detector and you'll be able to heal in peace. You can find one in the Tower. 2 Stars.
Teleporter - Immediately Teleport out of the Tower if your Laser Lance is destroyed or stolen. Powered Device.
Having to start the deck over again can kill the game, but you need your Lance and you'd have to backtrack anyway. At least now it takes a little less time. 1 Star.
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Flare Gun - Can only be used after dark. Use to treat next 1d6 cards as clear, stopping at Traps or Darkness. Can kill Slime. 3 Uses. Unknown if you can use it to kill Slime during daytime.
At nighttime, this combined with the Rope Launcher means you'll be cutting more cards than you'll encounter. 3 Stars.
Acid - Bypass Locked Door or Wire Trap. Can be used to attack any enemy except Darkness with an attack of 8. Can kill Slime. 1 Use.
If only you got more than one jar of this at a time, it might be worth it. 0 Stars.

Wow! That's a lot of stuff! So what did you take with you on this camping trip?

Just because you're a cyborg supersoldier, that doesn't mean that zombies don't want to munch on you! You need a little something more than your muscles and ego to survive this horror.

There are six articles of clothing to choose from, each costing 1 Equipment point. None are powered (Aww, no power armor? This is supposed to be the future!). Again, each is rated 1 to 3 Stars by me.

Body Armor - Roll 1d6 when you take damage. A roll of 5 or 6 results in the armor taking the hit instead. 6 Uses (each when the armor is hit, not per roll made).
I don't think I really have to elaborate much on this. 3 Stars.
Rad Fibre Suit - Reduces all radiation rolls by 1.
Again radiation is no big deal, really. 0 Stars.
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Helmet - Immune to Zombie infection.
I can see where this is going, but infection shouldn't be a concern. 1 Star.
Steel Gloves - +1 HtH. Rats only deal 1 Wound when they hit you.
The bonus HtH is nice. Rats won't be munching on you much anyways. 2 Stars.
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IR Goggles - No penalties from nighttime.
The Goggles negate night penalty to firing and HtH. If you're lucky you can get one from an ammo dump. 1 Star.
Implosion Vest - Can be used to kill Darkness. Get the special (not really) suicide ending.
I'd prefer to survive this ordeal and live to tell the tale, but if my Lance runs dry, at least Darkness won't win. 1 Star.

Ok. You got your stats, you got your gear. Now it's time to hit the tower and take out Darkness! Just kidding, now it's time to die!

Before you flip a House Card, you're told what kind of location you're heading into.
Locations are: Balcony, Corridor, Elevator, Room and Stairs.
The only reason your loction makes any difference is because you can perform special actions at certain locations if you have the right Device or Skill.

If you have the Rope Launcher, you can use it at any Balcony location to skip the next d6 cards (unless one of them is Darkness). Also, if you have the Climbing Skill, you can treat all Elevator locations as clear by climbing the shaft. There's nothing special about the other locations.

Flipping the House Card tells you what you encounter in that room. You will encounter either Monsters, Traps, Events or nothing at all!

Monsters
The bulk of the cards are Monsters in many sorts. Zombies, Rats, Mutants, Chaos Agents, the Meat Machine, the Slime and Darkness are all waiting for you.

Zombies - These shambling undead are the most common enemies you'll face and are generally easy to dispatch. Careful though, if one bites you you will become infected with an incurable infection. This infection has a chance to grow thereafter every time you encounter another Zombie. If your infection reaches your Endurance, you will become a Zombie yourself.
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Rats - Uncommon and even weaker in general than Zombies, Rat pose little threat themselves but they do have a nasty habit of dealing more Wound damage, causing infection, or even being irriadiated.
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Mutants - These...things are rare, but are very dangerous and also douse you with some radiation before you even fight them.
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Chaos Agents - These are cronies of Darkness that fight for his cause. They're not too difficult to deal with, but they have many different abilities and you won't know what to expect from them.
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Meat Machine - Talk about a monstrocity! This is the sub-boss of the game. This could even be the very first card you draw! Do everything you can to kill it as quickly as possible because every time it hits you, you will permanently lose either a HtH or Reflexe point.
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Slime - This is the last creature you want to come across. Only a few things will kill it and it will kill you instantly if it hits you once! Do everything you can to evade it, hide, or skip it if you don't have the gear to kill it.
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Darkness - This is the big boss itself. Darkness only appears in the second deck, so you have a ways to go before you find it. Remember that you need to have a charged Laser Lance or the Implosion Vest to kill it. If you don't have the Vest and the Lance runs dry, you will lose instantly.
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Traps
Almost as numerous as Monsters, Traps come in many flavors, all of which taste suspiciously like death. Many cause damage, some break your equipment, some may even force you to leave and start the deck over again! Most Traps require a Reflex check to pass them unharmed. Several Devices can be used to bypass certain traps as well.
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Events
Finally, some good news! Events can be either good or bad depending on wht you find, but they are relatively rare, so keep an eye out for them. Finding a supply dump allows you to either pick up some more equipment, take a clip for a weapon you already have, or replenish uses for one device or weapon.
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Empty
Or you might find nothing at all! Too bad you can't rest and take a breather. In an empty location, you have to check real quick for any wandering zombies. A roll of 6 on a d6 means you found a zombie.

It's finally time to get to the really fun stuff and find out what your HtH, Marksmanship and weapon attack numbers all mean.

Ranged Combat
When first encountering an enemy, you have the option to shoot them on sight. But, for reasons I can't comprehend, you need to ready your gun first. First thing to do is select the ranged weapon you want to use. Before you can fire, you must make a Reflex check to prepare the wepon. Failing this check means the enemy was able to rush you and engage HtH combat. Some enemies will automatically skip ranged combat and move in for HtH combat.
A successful Reflex means you readied the weapon, now to see if you hit. The attack value of the weapon varies depending on what you're shooting. You need to roll this number or above with 2d6 to hit the enemy and kill it.
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Let's see that again, shall we?
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If you are not successful in killing the enemy, combat continues to HtH combat.

Hand-to-Hand Combat
All enemies attack in HtH combat. First, select the HtH weapon you want to use. Now it's time to roll some dice.
First, the enemy rolls 2d6 and adds the result to their attack score. You need to get a better result with your HtH and 2d6 to kill the enemy. If your result is lower, the enemy hits you and whatever effects they have also apply. If there is a tie, you do not take damage and the enemy remains.
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Depending on the enemy's result, you may not have to roll the dice at all.
Ouch.

There are various combat results other than being harmed if the enemy wins. Sometimes you have the option to try to escape from the enemy next turn. You cannot escape from Darkness. Sometimes you are given the option to try for a Lucky Shot.
To try for a Lucky Shot, first select the ranged weapon you want to use, similar to ranged combat. Instead of rolling to hit the target, you just roll 1d6 and apply the result shown. Be very careful, you could end up worse off than before, or you could blow their stinkin' head off!
Or you could end up breaking your Laser Lance and have to head back out to get another one...(son of a b!tch)

There are only two sucessful endings to the game. There are many more ways than that to lose.

You WIN!!

You actually did something right for once in your life! You reached Darkness, and you blasted his sorry ass to kingdom come! And you somehow survived to tell the tale! Go you!

Well, you did save the city so...technically you won, I guess. It's too bad you won't be able to write about your experience in your bestselling autobiography. At the very least, they'll probably name a park or a school after you.

You LOSE!! (gee, I didn't see that coming)

This is the ending you'll be seeing the most of. Get used to it.

If not for a lack of blood, then you fail because you just couldn't make it in time. I told you you should have gone to the bathroom before you went in there.

This ending will probably piss you off more than any other. You make it all the way to the end, just to waste your last shot in the Lance. I bet that Implosion Vest is looking like a good idea right about now.

Or not...what in the hell were you thinking?

You never looked so slim! I bet you're really hungry!
I don't know which is more unpleasent, this ending or the next one.

You're positively glowing! But not in the good way. I don't think your funeral is going to be open casket.

Aww. Isn't that cute? It wants a hug! Oops! Hmm...maybe it's a little too friendly.