Do you want pesky infertile achievements? do not fret over it. Gameplay and the game itself is null. The feeble developers' feeble attempt to interact with their players are too feeble to the point of being trollish. For those who feel greatly trolled by the game, this guide will certainly amend your wounds and "correct" your feelings.

As a gamer (not gaymer), you must seek to live forever and eventually defeat the sleeky lizards within yourself and around you (both literally and metaphorically).

Why defeat the sleazy reptilians and live forever instead of making infinite babies? Don't you have backlogs of games to play? Genius.

Personally I have a frick-ton of games on fracking (shale gas) Steam, and no I kant (immanuel) play them all in my lifetime unless I reach longevity escape velocity (LEV). And my playtime has only been artificially created by idling tools for the sole purpose of reaping meaningless trading cards.

Do yourself a great favor by reading this guide. Philosophize to a great extent then quantize your very existence! Educate yourself with ample information herein that ultimately helps you achieve LEV and live forever.

Longevity Escape Velocity (LEV) means something cool.

Hint: Ray Kurzweil.

Doktor Grey is a venerable archmage from the medieval era and he is no doubt my idol. If you want to defeat the dragon and live forever, you must support the SENS Research Foundation[www.sens.org].
In order to achieve LEV and to support the foundation, continue reading.

• AmazonSmile

Choose charity when you make a purchase.
[[more content upcoming]]

• Humble Bundle

Whenever you decide to purchase bad choices of bundled games, you are in the position to choose where the money goes.

Never, ever support Fumble Bundle by deliberately choosing a direction where your hard-earned fracking money goes, every time when you make a purchase there. Because they are a bureaucratic abomination.

Make sure no cents go to Stumble Fumble, otherwise you are a mindless sheep that propagates greedy, unscrupulous corporatism.

Once Again[www.lifespan.io]

You must autophagy the hell out of yourself to extend your life until stem cell treatments fully develop into fruition to be able to help you achieve LEV.

How to eat yourself? Cut your frackling caloric intakes and do intermittent fasting, dingus. Stop drinking HFCS poison you doofy fracking couch potato!

<<insert link here>>

You and I, and the world, are now part of this eccentric collective intelligence soon to be no more eccentric but the new normal.
===================
[[This section is under construction. More content will be added soon]]

Nick Bostrom says that you need to kill a dragon.
But I would not say metaphorically, I would say that we should literally kill lizards because they are eerily slippery. (hint: reptilians)

I have a lot of dead charlizards in my basement and it succinctly reminds me of the ultimate fate of the evil dragon.

You may want to kill the dragon, but training him or her is another viable option. Show your relative dominance by keeping it alive to make it bow before you. Or play World of Warcraft and ride a drake mount along with a pet dragon summoned besides you. Playing any MMORPG with a dragon mount shall satiate thy desire.

This picture is a cover of an awesome book[www.amazon.com] written by an awesome guy and his awesome daughter.

Enrich your knowledge with his insights at his blog The Niche[ipscell.com].

Dr. Knoepfler is a molecular biologist and a professor at UC Davis.

He is no doubt a part of intellectuals who contribute to the stem cell field and make it progress and consequently help us reach LEV sooner either directly or indirectly.

He also survived cancer.

Now you know what to do with your frivolous life.

If you don't.

if(conditional) { }

At the risk of sounding modest, I and the guide are not responsible for your mental implosion and consequential brain tissue damage, only responsible for your enlightenment and ascendance out of sub-humanness.

Congratulations. You elevated your intellect level by one meticulous point by reading this guide.

Thank me.

In all seriousness, the game's achievements are not working because they are gated by some silly mechanics and thus the purpose of this guide is to warn players about what they are getting into. Albeit jocular, the second purpose is to genuinely introduce them to the real topics this game seems to touch on: longevity and life extension. For the records, these topics are very real are not a science fiction. Big researches are being increasingly conducted these days. Another prominent scientist is a Harvard professor, David Sinclair. It is definitely worth checking out.

Thank you for reading.