After fooling around and dying repeatedly with poor old Ms. Nesbit. I decided tea time was over, and time for sake and salted mackerel, the proper meal for an aspiring Japane - er I mean Kazite fisher-lady/asskicking marauder with an over-sized hammer. Enter Kumite, the dirty little Kazite scapper with a knack for avoiding pretty much everything, especially pearl birds. She's got a pretty intimidating looking hammer. It's not really good for catching fish, though.

The meat and potatoes: the stagger system in this game is weird. The white bar underneath your target's health meter is essentially their stamina meter. Weapons with high impact rating diminish this faster. Fully deplete this white bar and they fall to the ground for a very quick moment, and must regain footing. Note that making contact with organic meat bags, normally, will not stagger them, and you will still be vulnerable to these fearless, no-pain-feeling demons as they swing at you with reckless hate and abandon. Your best bet is putting them on their ass in one mighty swing.

The War hammer, if you also learn the free fighting skill "Juggernaut" offered by Claus (Burac Carillon) at the Red Gate (eastern side of town), is capable of providing such a swing.

The War hammer is available for purchase from Duncan Idaho (Loud Hammer) the city's aspiring Taco Food Truck proprietor (blacksmith) for only 25 silver pieces.

Purchase it.

Your next mission is to head for the south beach via way of the supply caves, down the pier towards the west end of town.


Inside you will find many nice tapestries, meat pies, and nice little things you can pick up to help you along your way. There's rumors of a hidden stockpile of soviet block small-arms. I haven't found it yet.

You can't really miss anything since objects that can be picked up are highlighted with a blue orb you can't really miss. You can't miss em. They glow in the dark, so you can't miss them.

You'll find a lantern among these objects. This lantern will guide you up the dark tunnel and into the clutches of some gnarly looking cave bois and their hydro grow operation. Troglodytes should be no match for your mighty Cudgel of Salted Fish. One well timed Juggernaut strike is enough to down said frog-man, after which you can finish him off with your putting iron (a quick strike or two should be enough to finish these boogermen after you connect with Dawn Strike). The timing of Meteor Hammer isn't too difficult. It takes about 6.13 rotations (or 1 second) to charge, during which you are vulnerable to attack. This shouldn't scare you, however. After all you're the Juggernaut, ♥♥♥♥♥. Just swing away.


Once dispatched, you can explore a bit deeper to the left and right. You'll find iron ore and some Green Mushrooms. As you can see I've already picked mine. Don't eat them. Actually you totally can; Green Mushrooms are a basic, common level food item that can be eaten raw for curing minor munchies. You can also combine 4 Green Mushrooms in a microwave (your cooking pot that you use to cook Moon Sugar down into Skooma. I believe this is the same universe so this is entirely canon. Feel free to quote me on that,) to create a Mushroom Bar, which when eaten, will nullify some of that lost "Max HP" ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ you will likely deal with after a slight breeze blows up your Worker's Garb.

Finally, head down the dark tunnel that brings you to Black Beard's final resting place and his ominous warning sign. Ignore that ♥♥♥♥. He clearly died because he was too scared to set foot on the beach.


Hop down the ledge and and mosey on out the cave entrance to find yourself on the beach, facing down a hideous man riding a giant shrimp. He will try to sell you window treatments at a reasonable price.

Don't let his name fool you, Larry is an extremely territorial Bullet Shrimp and is the mayor of this beach. Until you came along with your chrome plated old-timey ghetto blaster.

Here's where your quest to save Princess Arin Willonbeigh (Michael Aberdeen) begins. Saving this man, the daughter of the King of Town, will reward you with a Tribal Favor, and will clear your Bloodline Debt without you ever having to spend a single coin of your hard-earned silver.

To do so. Simply turn Shiny Larry into shrimp cocktail. See Exhibit A.

Exhibit A:
Congratulations! You won the game. You get to keep your lighthouse and fish until your end of days.

Farewell.





Further reading:

Larry is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ and will shoot your ass with lightning. Actual lightning. Don't let the lightning hit you. It applies a debuff that makes you take more damage from stuff. Luckily the lightning also only does about 1/4 of your HP damage-wise. So you do have some wiggle room. A whole beach worth. So don't let the lightning hit you. Simply hide behind the rock in Exhibit B.

Exhibit B:
Larry's lightning can't pass through solid rock. You will lose the targetting focus, but do not fear, for Larry is quite dumb, and slow. He will approach your mighty Fort of Granite, and get stuck occassionally.

Simply bait him around the rock, and when his back is turned to you, wrap back around, whop him in the cooter with your trusty Clamhole attack, and watch his HP go down a little bit.

Repeat until necessary.

***Warning*** If Larry decides to run away back onto the open sand, where he has the advantage, simply advance to the cover in Exhibit C.

Exhibit C:
Larry will hug the ocean (homefield advantage). Now it gets a bit tricky. Detach your rear-cargo bay for maximum handling. Use your pitch and yaw to narrowly evade Larry's air-to-air missiles. Luckily he's using dated technology and his missiles do not have homing capabilities. Dive and duck. Dip and dodge, until you're able to cover the mile and half distance to the edge of the ocean, and finish him off with your massive Jungle Smite.

Approach Abner Cunningham and lend him one of your bandages. He will head to the nearest food court for some Sbarro. Your Tribal Favor will already be in your inventory. All you must do now is return home to Cynthia Weaver, the Judge of Shell City. Located in the Town Hall, at the top of the Town Hill - Southwards.

Thought you were on easy street? Think again sucker. This game wants to hurt you.

Luckily for you I've already rage-quit numerous times. And thus have developed a somewhat reliably safe route home for you.

After you're done taking in the beach-ly sights and basking in your mighty shrimp BBQ skills, you should take the time to comb the beach (while evading Larry's brothers and sisters. One giant shrimp fight is enough for an entire lifetime. You're already the town legend and the greatest warrior of all time. No need to risk dying again. It's time for you to head back to lighthouse and enjoy clam chowder safely in your Ivory Tower until you die of old age). You will find some fishing spots - good for fishing (and occasionally some blue sand - good for armor). Also take note of the glowing blue circular fields of light hovering ever so slightly above the sand (easier to see at night). These are Blue Sand deposits, and should be harvested greedily.

Once you're finished exploiting the pristine wilderness, face Northwards, towards the cave whence you came. You will see a exit ramp for the highway along with some billboards looking for some advertisements.




Head up this ramp into the interior of the valley. This is your safest and most direct route home.
It looks like thus:





Please mind the albino turkus bird. It will ♥♥♥♥ you up for no reason.

Also check out this hidden stump. It's got treasure hidin out in it. The contents seem to be random.






DO NOT take the road inland from the south end of the beach. There's bandits there. I warned you.
On to the final gauntlet...

So far you've managed to:
-Avoid being skinned and drained by dank cave bois
-Give Shiny Larry an Iron Bath
-Resuce the damsel in distress
-Snort Blue Sand and speak to your fisherman ancestors
-Evade or kill the final boss Albino Turkus Bird

This is the final stretch. A grassy valley filled with ravenous Hydenias.

Phase 1: Crest the hill from the beach.


Phase Sigma: Take note of the Hydenia Emissary scouting for fresh milk. Keep low and quiet. Take note of the direction of the wind. Don't let him catch you smelling him.

Make a hard left and crouch down, keeping the top of that grassy hill between you and the Dog Fort Scouts.


Phase Two: Keep heading Northwards, while remaining Lowards, Towards the capitol city Megaton. After about a dozen metres or so you'll come accross a bonus treasure trove at the top of a hill facing the coastline.


Your first time there will only face you against one Ravenous Hydenia. It's clobberin' time!


Your second time: two. After that the number grows exponentionally. This could be Hydenia HQ. Choose your battles wisely. You will find arrows (which are quite expensive) in that Amazon truck every time, along with some other useful gizmos. It's worth it if only facing down one Hydra. Two is a conspiracy. Either way, I say, loot that fat hog!

If the Hell-hounds catch your scent they will stalk you. Seriously. If this happens it's probably best to run. So don't overfill your pack, Skyrim. Once you make the 50 yard dash through a small canyon valley past the Amazon truck, you're home free.


You did it. You can breathe now. Don't forget to get your free bowl of soup from Gloria Diamond on the porch of the Salty Boot.

Sorry, no soup for you.

But you did just save 150 silver coins by switching to Path of the Juggernaut, ♥♥♥♥♥!


The lighthouse is saved!


Congratulations! Your epic quest is now complete. Thank you for playing Homeward Bound. You can now uninstall.