I said a while ago that, if my guide about fighting bosses went well, that I'd make one about how not to win as a joke.

I reached 1,000 views on that guide 3 days after saying that.

Don't take any of this seriously: I'm not either and it's my guide.

Easily the best thing to do in any boss battle in Terraria is just to stand your ground. No boss wants to tangle with someone who obviously isn't even at all intimidated by their appearance or power, so they'll be defenceless against you as you just watch them moving about in an attempt to escape your gaze.

The only boss who isn't affected is the Brain of Cthulhu: He sees through your ruse and thus you want to do as much crazy movement as possible, especially for their 2nd phase.

This mildly-altered version of a previous diagram shows you everything you need to know: You assert dominance, the boss leaves with their armies.

Of course, for the assertion of dominance to occur, you need to be seen. Don't use anything that makes you invisible, like Shroomite armour. If they can't see you they'll flail around until they hit you and, in the words of CDI Ganon, "You will DIE"

Also don't use anything else that provides buffs when stationary; you look like a wuss and they don't get scared as much.

In fact, for the highest level of effectiveness, go into battle with no armour, no items, nothing. Even only bring 100 health if possible... heck, mod your profile to only 1 health! The less equipment you seem to have the more powerful you must be in comparison!

Q: It didn't work
A: You're doing it wrong.

Q: Why is boss page #4 rocking 3.5k views while #5 barely even makes double digits?
A: The universe hates me or somethin' idk

Q: Let me in!
A: Not a question so no.

Q: Let Me Iiiiiiin!
A: Not a question so no.

Q: You need a girlfriend... or a proper hobby... or both
A: Not a question but yes ;-;

Q: Wow, all this cool info... and it's free!?
A: FOR FREE!?

Thank you for witnessing perfection! The best guide in Terraria! One that ensures that you will never ever have to worry about anything aga-

Okay, I can't keep this up. This physically hurts me. Go check out the actual boss guide instead of this trash; I put actual effort into it. Better yet, check out some of my other stuff, too, I appreciate it!

I feel bad for the people who viewed this that have missed the fact it's an inside joke from the circles guide.

Anyways, thank you for viewing this weird page. I made it in 5 minutes, but will likely be haunted by it for as long as I'm on the internet :P


[Speaking of it haunting me here it is, receiving the Trending Tomato award for reaching #1 in trending.]

Also, I will only make another meme guide if Boss Page 5 parts 1 and 2 reach a total of 1,000 views between them. It seems the first view goal was too easy as it was smashed in about 3 days so try this one :P

Okay Rerxa wanted his name listed here so here you go
...you shall forever be here, linked to this page.