"The new Survivor and Killer have been revealed! You read it here first!

Killer Perks
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Okely Dokely Survivorino
-> Grants 100% extra blood points for giving the hatch to the last survivor.
-> Teabags hurt your feelings 100% more efficient while using this perk.
Diddly-Door-Neighbor
-> You always knock before opening a locker! How kind! Gain 100% extra respect from Dwight Mains.
Leftorium
-> Years in the Left Hand Store have taught you well! You hold your weapon in your left hand..

Survivor Perks
---------------------
Stupid Flanders!
-> Adds ingame voice chat! Have fun!
I always wanted to be a teamster!
-> Gain 25% of everyone's bloodpoints, when doing absolutely nothing during the round.
-> Gain the ability to drive a truck. Unfortunately you still spawn without one.
Safety Salamander
-> You wear a Salamander Suit, that has been used to teach kids about safety. Good for you.
-> Makes the money you invested in your cosmetics 100% less of a good life choice.

That's it for now! Let's just hope the devs don't find the whistleblower, so that we get more leaks like this on future updates!"