To be good at CS:GO, you first need to look like you're good at CS:GO

So that means that you are going to need the following:

• Some f*cking expensive pixels (A.K.A. skins) BONUS POINTS IF THEY ARE BRIGHT AS F*CK
  
• An edgy username or something unpronouncable, for example: XXX_SCXRL0RD_XXX
  
• Either an anime profile picture or some edgy soundcloud rapper as a profile picture such as:
  This, if you are a weeaboo and proud
  
  or this if you are an edgy 14 year old
  
  
• Last, but not least, you will need a private account.

Okokok, you might be a bit confused with this part and scratching your head, thinking "what the ♥♥♥♥ do you mean by 'communicate', f*cking idiot k*rwa", but hear me out.

Some general things of CS:GO etiquette that players know is that no one should EVER speak the same language. CS:GO is a game about diversity so make sure that none of your team mates can understand what you are saying, remember THE MOST DIVERSE TEAM WINS! Also, always make sure to offend at least one of your team mates throughout the whole of the match so that way you can learn some of their beautiful language.

The way you communicate with other players is VERY IMPORTANTO. So that means that you should come prepared with some macros with lovely chat messages such as:

• мой папа бьет меня
  
• Hey there! You seem to be really sh*t at this game! You should buy some game sense at www.ihatemylife.co.za/omegalul
  
• VAC BAN AND YOU KNOW!
  
• Sorry but I don't speak Adidas! Can you try speaking english?
  and my personal favourite,
  
• Я плачу себе спать

But be sure to be nice to other players otherwise you will be BLOCKED! :(

To get really good at ♥♥♥♥♥♥ Stroke: Global Retardation you will have to pick up some neat tips and tricks from the pros such as:

• Shroud
  
• Literally any twitch streamer who is global
  
• Anomaly. Anomaly best girl. Watch Anomaly.
  

Make sure to download some more RAM and buy an epic gaming chair, that way your GAME SENSE™ will exceed level 9000.

If you somehow manage to grow a pair of watermelons on your chest, then head over to twitch.tv where you can stream your EPIC GAMEPLAY™ and make some friends with some sweaty global elitetards™. This way, you can have them carry you to global elitist™ without having you do anything :D

BONUS TIP: Make sure to always say "gg ez bot game" at the end of every match to make the enemy team feel loved and appreciated :)