1. If enemy bloodseeker ults you - you need to start runnin', cause red goes fasta and you're now red.
   
2. If your team have an enigma in it and manages to land a full-team blackhole - run away from it, these guys are dangerous.
   
3. Slark is a hard carry.
   
4. Pick a carry. Now farm all the survivability items: if you die match is lost.
   
5. Mid player needs to be babysit and ganked from all the lines, it's their job.
   
6. If you're a safeline support you need to start ganking ASAP. Those mid and hard lines won't win themselves.
   
7. There are no other roles except mid, offlane, safelane and support.
   
8. If your team already have 4 melee heroes in it - you must pick void.
   
9. Invisible means invulnerable.
   
10. If your team have a hero with invisibility, you must buy a shadow blade.
    
11. Alchemist must farm whole game. The more he farms - the more the gold difference is. He must not be interrupted.
    
12. You must buy hand of midas.
    
13. You must buy hand of midas if you're a support and gametime is already past 30:00.
    
14. Team composition? Never heard of it.
    
15. If abadons ults he is so shiny and pretty, you must hit him.
    
16. VOLVO FIX DOTO
    
17. If your team have a hero with evasion, you must buy talisman of evasion.
    
18. Enemy team have 5 blink/initiate heroes? You MUST pick sniper.
    
19. Ursa is a hard carry.
    
20. Check out that enchantress deer ass.
    
21. Techies in ranked means lose.
    
22. Legion has infinite damage.
    
23. If enemy pugna places down a ward - YOU MUST CAST NOW.
    
24. As a tinker you must blink forward and only forward. Otherwise, your team will think you're a coward.
    
25. Invisible means indestructible.
    
26. If you're a carry your support must herd low hp enemy heroes your way and wait for you to lasthit them.
    
27. Sunder is not an offensive ability and must never be used as such.
    
28. Never pitch in the team fight if you aren't guaranteed to have kills. Your KDA is excessively important.
    
29. As a carry you must dive into enemy team under T2 tower and blame supports for not saving you.
    
30. If you are not a carry you still must do that.
    
31. If you are the support, everyone must follow you under the tower, die and blame you for initiating.
    
32. What's undyings tomb? Someone else’s problem: that's what.
    
33. If you buy wards that doesn't make you a support, you must be in any point of the map at any given moment, secure all kills for you carry, stack all the camps and your inventory must be full of mekas.
    
34. If someone tries to covertly take Roshan - YOU MUST GO IN AND HELP HIM.
    
35. It's also a good idea for the whole team to be inside the roshpit.
    
36. If you buy BKB your team will think you're a coward.
    
37. Heroes that are not used in current meta do not exist.
    
38. Same goes for items.
    
39. Ursa is great at farming lines, not at taking Roshan early.
    
40. EVERYONE MUST BUY BLINK.
    
41. Objectives? Pff, look at my K/D/A.
    
42. Gabes bathtub is full of dollar bills.
    
43. There is no Half-Life3.
    
44. Even number 3 doesn't exist.
    
45. There are 3 tangoes in stack now... Coincidence?
    
46. P̨̭̙͚͈̼̺̭ͪ̒̽ͧ͝ḽ̦̖͎̮̳͉̇̀ͨ͊͊̇̃̔͝͞͝ͅẹ͕͍̦̙̥͚͑̊ͦͩ̈a̙̼͕̰̻̫̘̘̩̎ͫ͞͝s̸̞̟̩͉͙̖̙̊ͯͨ͢͟ȩ̸̺̜̰̺͍̥̪͈͗͊ͧ̐ͩ̈́ ̸̸͖͕̫͓͚̍̽̈́ͭ̊ͤ̈́̚s̩͎͈͈̞̊ͅę̩̟͕̋ͭͯ̐̂͘n̷̦̺͔̬̖̔̿͌̅̈̆͘d̢̨̮̳̯̐ͧ̀ͅ ̶̷̬̻̖̞̘̊ͫͨ̀h̷̰̲̖̮͗͑e̶̖̗̱̘͎̗͕̼̎̂ͨ̂ͦ͞l̪̥̭̖͋̃ͦ͒ͅp̥͇̬̱̘̤͓͓̍̃ͨ̿̾̏͜͞
    
47. Rune control is so 2013.
    
48. Dota is a game about one hero. Ragequit if someone bans or picks the hero of your choice.
    
49. Team communication must only consist of angry pings.
    
50. Never relay useful information.

1. Mid-train never stahps ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
   
2. Invisible means undefeatable.
   
3. As a hardline player you must complain about not gettin' to farm, spam help and die often.
   
4. If you play against silencer you must get negative intellegence.
   
5. You must not kill your own brethren by denying friendly heroes.
   
6. You must spam "Need wards" all the game, even if there is more than 2 wards on the map already.
   
7. As a Zeus you must ask your supports for sentry wards and dewarding.
   
8. MID OR FEED.
   
9. Scanning and smokes do not exist.
   
10. As mid player you must buy book of knowledge the second it's available and blame your support for not being lvl 6.
    
11. Always focus Leoric if he has aghs/ult/aegis/blademail/aeon disk/false promise/ all of that combined.
    
12. KOTL GIFF ME MANA.
    
13. cyka blyat.
    
14. Minimap is overrated.
    
15. If there are no enemy heroes on minimap: you should farm lines.
    
16. Getting a full-magic team against anti-mage is a good idea.
    
17. Same goes for full-physical against underlord.
    
18. Your teammates like gifts. Bring them casket: they'll be happy.
    
19. As KOTL you should summon random teammates if you're gonna die. Dying together is less scary and they'll be grateful.
    
20. Treant protector is about kicking people from invisibility, not about healing teammates and towers.
    
21. Invisible means significant.
    
22. It's always a good idea to buy a divine rapier.
    
23. If someone asks you to buy a courier, you should do so and disable shared unit control. Now you have a courier, you're awesome.
    
24. TINY TOSS (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
    
25. As a lone druid, you should farm aghs, put all your items in to the bear and stay inside the fountain for the rest of the game.
    
26. TINY TOSS aghs anti-mage ノ┬─┬ノ ︵ ( \o°o)\
    
27. As a venge you should swap earthshaker, or someone equally stunning, inside your team. You're beautiful.
    
28. Pick ogre - make towers erect ಠ_ಠ.
    
29. Volvo must make Diretide great again.
    
30. Don't be that 10th player.
    
31. If you lost first blood to enemy team: disconnect and blame lags.
    
32. If someone plays below your expectations: you're obliged to report that person.
    
33. Whatever happens - you can't report enemy team players.
    
34. Reporting a support in your team will surely make him perform better and buy more wards.
    
35. ░░░░░░░░▄▄▄▀▀▀▄▄███▄░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░▄▀▀░░░░░░░▐░▀██▌░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░▄▀░░░░▄▄███░▌▀▀░▀█░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░▄█░░▄▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▄▐░░░░█▌░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░▐█▀▄▀▄▄▄▄▀▀▀▀▌░░░░░▐█▄░░░░░░░░░░░ ░▌▄▄▀▀░░░░░░░░▌░░░░▄███████▄░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐███████████▄░░░ ░░░░░le░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐█████████████▄ ░░░░toucan░░░░░░▀▄░░░▐█████████████▄ ░░░░░░has░░░░░░░░▀▄▄███████████████ ░░░░░arrived░░░░░░░░░░░░█▀██████░░
    
36. Report is the answer to life, the universe and everything.
    
37. Riki is the best hero. He's invisible from lvl 1, y'know.
    
38. Dendi wins every TI.
    
39. Support void is the best void. Use chrono to use flasks on you team in the middle of the fight.
    
40. Every game has an account boosting smurf.
    
41. It's a meepo smurf.
    
42. Dota turbo - reports are now 2x faster.
    
43. Loses are also 2x faster. At least it's not a mmr mode. Don't tell Gaben.
    
44. Any hero that can regenerate HP fast or has evasion is imbalanced.
    
45. Invisibility is also imbalanced.
    
46. Anything that kills you more than 2 times a match is imbalanced. Yes, that includes Roshan.
    
47. Stunlocks are imbalaced. You MUST be able to 1v5 entire enemy team, and all that without BKB.
    
48. If present with a choice: hook teammates out of harms way or hook runes – you must hook runes.
    
49. 啊，队友呢？队友呢？队友呢？！队友呢？！？！
    
50. Lakad Matataaag! Normalin, Normalin.

Under construction. I'll finish it before TI ends. I swear on the mum.
It's finished. Thanks for participations guys.
P.S. Be nice to each other guys, communicate with your teammates and stuff. Except slark players. Everyone hates slark players.
P.S.S. Shameless self promotion: If you are ever tired of playin' DOTA: consider joining our steam curation page.