Rapid Tap is one of the greatest creations of our time - but how do you play it? Many newer players, also known as "n00bs" and "Sparky1js" do not know the ins-and-outs of the game, and may require help from a professional in learning how to play the game. I, world famous professional Rapid Tap player and mlg gamer KrashHash am here to help. Now, to preface, only certain people are able to play the game at such a professional level. To make sure you are able to learn from even an iota of this guide, you have make sure you don't fall under these categories:

• Fat
  
• Owner of a commentary channel
  
• Sides with Keemstar
  
• Goes to conventions and gives people toy sharks from the dollar store
  
• "Remembers" Ray William Johnson (Bless his soul)

Now we've got that done and dusted, let's continue.

First of all, when booting up the game, you'll be greeted with the default Unity launcher. Make sure to have the graphics cranked to the highest settings and to make sure you have set the game to fullscreen. DO NOT touch the controls. The last professional player to do that ended up with injuries in seventeen different places attempting to figure out what he had done to the controls.

Once you've finally entered the game you'll be introduced from the title screen: Here's where you'll be introduced to the three main gamemodes of this game: Leaderboards, Skins, and Play (there is a fourth secret section, but we'll get to that later). The one you want to check out first is labelled "Skins". Click on this button to be led to Skins mode. In this mode you have to use your mouse to carefully pick the right skin for you. Pick the wrong one and there is the possibility that you will go blind. I personally recommend the "You can do it" image, with the obese plush bear to the side, as it is the most encouraging of the images and has the most white space, which will come in handy later (trust me). Once you have done that, click the "Done" button, and voila! You have beaten skins mode, and returned to the title screen. If you have failed this part, please send all complaints to Wolfborg, handsome man and developer of Rapid Tap.

Once you have returned to the title screen, you will want to do at least 7 minutes of yoga exercises. This is important to prepare the body for what is about to arrive on your computer. Once you've completed your yoga, make sure to eat some water, at least 22 litres of it - that's how much sweat the average professional Rapid Tap player excretes over the course of a game. Now that you have done that, you are ready to click on the next mode, "Play" mode. Be prepared, as this mode is the Dark Souls of Rapid Tap. Once you are here, you'll be greeted with a nine-button grid overlayed with the image you picked in "Skins" mode earlier. Random green squares will begin popping up. You'll want to click these as fast as possible, as they are your key to beating the "Play" mode. Each green square has 1hp, and each click deals 1 damage point to the square, defeating it. You'll see that it is much easier to see the green squares as they are unable to camoflage in lighter colours, making it a breeze to defeat them. As you go on the green squares appear much quicker as time continues. Trying to beat the game (earning 100,000,001 points) is impossible on your first go, so don't be stressed if you die. Just keep practicing.

Leaderboard mode is the easiest mode in the game. In this mode, you have to try not to rage as you realise, no, you didn't make it high up onto the list. I will always be better than you. Sorry!

The higher up you get on the leaderboard, the more buffs the game will give you. Get into the top ten, and the game will give you one extra point per game. Top five, and your avatar is allowed to wear "Deal With It" glasses. Number 3 and above get a free dabbing emoji, second place and above get an achievement known as "OSU Smasher", and the best player in the entire world gets a personal message from Wolfborg himself sent to them through their mail. Not email, instead he'll physically send a tape to your address, calling you out for having absoloutely no life, and thanking you for helping him get a bit more money.

All these strategies only apply to Play mode. Sorry Skins mode fans ):

So you remember how the green squares only appear on a nine button grid? Well, each piece of the grid has an equivalent on your keyboard, if you aren't a loser who owns a Mac or one of those sad people without the numpad. Yes, that is right, each square equates to a place on your numpad! Press the 1 key, and you'll hit any squares in the bottom left corner. Hit 3, and you'll take out anyone in the bottom right, and so on. Just make sure to have Num Lock on, otherwise this epic strategy won't work!

Another pro strategy is to play shirtless. Rapid Tap actually has CIA spying technologies built into it and if the CIA sees you making an idiot of yourself, they'll actually multiply your score by 1.2x out of pity. This only works if you already look like an idiot, but considering you're reading this guide, you probably do.

So remember how I mentioned that secret fourth mode? Well, if you've achieved a certain set of criteria within the "Play" mode (unfortunately we don't know what the criteria actually is but some people have said something about inputting the konami code using the squares) when you go to the title screen and click on Wolfborg it will go the the secret "Nyan Cat" mode! This mode is literally just a Nyan Cat game.

I hope you enjoyed reading and that your path of being a pro Rapid Tap players have become closer to reality. Make sure to tell Wolfborg what a great game this is, don't speak to people with green sharks as their avis, and stay safe!