1kg Beef Mince
2 Onions
1 Cup Tomato Paste
800g Canned Chopped Tomatoes
1 Pack of Lasagna Sheets
1 Large Cast-Iron Pot or Cauldren (with strong lid)
1 Open Fire
1 Long-Handled Wooden Spoon
1 Bucket of Red Paint (a red crayon, blood, or other suitable substitute could also be used)
5 Large Candles
3 Cup Graveyard Dirt
1 Laptop With Garfield Kart Installed (running Windows Vista or any earlier version of Windows.)
1 DVD Copy of Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties

Step 1: Place the mince, onions, tomato paste, tomatoes, and lasagna sheets into the cast iron pot.

Step 2: Place the pot of ingredients on top of the fire until boiling.

Step 3: Boot up Garfield Kart on the laptop, then put the lapotp into the pot. Simmer for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally with the wooden spoon.

Step 4: Using the red paint (or substitute), draw a pentagram on the floor large enough for you to place the pot within. Light the candles and place one of them on each of the points of the star in the pentagram.

Step 5: Move the pot onto the pentagram and remove the lid. Put the Garfield DVD and the graveyard dirt into the pot and replace the lid. Leave for 20 minutes. (Note: it is of extreme importance that you keep your hand steady for this step, and replace the lid as quickly as possible. Any mistakes could endanger your personal health).

Step 6: Without making any sudden moves, carefully remove the lid of the pot. If the pot begins to spin, glow white-hot, or curse at you, you may need to perform a quick exorcism.

Step 7: Take the finished lasagna out of the pot. Serve it hot and fresh, or freeze it and store it for later.