PUBG: BATTLEGROUNDS

PUBG: BATTLEGROUNDS

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How to cope with post-loss depression/suicidal thoughts.
By C E Z A R I N A
So about an hour ago I died #2 and I broke my headset. This guide will teach you the do's and dont's of an after-loss rage and coping with depression.
   
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First Response: What to do immediately after a loss.
If you have lost between places 100-15, it's ok, don't stress about it. Just start a new match

If you've lost between places 15-5, then it's ok to be mad. Just try to think of every concievable insult that you could say to the prick who killed you and move on.

BUT when you lose between places 5-2.... That is where you need help. And this is where I come in.

First step: Get as far as possible from your PC or anything you could throw at it and damage it.
Second step: Lie down on the floor and try not to cry
Third step: Cry a lot
Fourth step: Be happy, you don't need to wash your floor/carpet anymore, your tears did the job.
Coping with post-loss depression and suicidal thoughts.
First off, try to stay away from everything that is sharp/pointy or anything that you could kill yourself with, because the urge to do so will be strong. Start punching something expendable, such as your old grandma. The kneecaps are the best place to start punching, trust me. It's even better if you have a gun for that, to let some extra stress off.

Trust me, you can shave tomorrow, I'd rather be hairy for a day and have my veins intact.

Afterwards, you will feel a strong urge to feel happy although you can't. That's where drugs come in, and that's also where I come in again to stop you from doing them. It's not because I care about your health, but you could spend that cocaine money on some PUBG skirts. Think about it, man! Drugs are bad, mmmmmkay
Acceptance: There is life after PUBG loss.
At this point in time, you're way too fatigued, depressed, and mentually exhausted to even try to hang yourself or slit your wrists. All you can do is accept the fact that you've died 2nd, and that little slimy cuck got the chicken dinner you've longed after for months. Think about the next match: There IS life after PUBG loss. Cheer yourself up man, you're sure to gain a solo win in a few matches after this one!

DISCLAIMER: In reality, you will probably not even get in the top 10 for the next 100 hours. Just cheer yourself up with these fake, fake lies, you will never get that chicken dinner. The chicken dinner is merely a social construct. With the average chicken dinner lifespan before rotting being roughly 48-72 hours, you only have to endure another 50 years of excruciatingly unforgivable PUBG losses. Everything is a loss. Your life does not matter, and these chicken dinners do not matter. Everything is memey. Everything will eventually fade away, including your sorry, depressive social construct that you dare call "life". As long as the factor of PUBG players that are better than you continues to be the Alpha chromosome of the memeverse, the inevitable loss of any and all PUBG matches is unstoppable. In fact, you could experience a fake chicken dinner at this very moment by putting a bullet through your brain. Being a memebot, I will never fade away, and I will never be able to experience the sweet release of death.
104 Comments
C E Z A R I N A  [author] 5 Jan, 2020 @ 4:58am 
wow its been a long fucking time whats up racially inferior social masses of steam
Benny Crocker 4 Jan, 2020 @ 12:52pm 
still the best guide to this day
C E Z A R I N A  [author] 18 Feb, 2018 @ 11:51pm 
Im glad
HeroTK 18 Feb, 2018 @ 4:24pm 
This thread healed my post-loss crippling depression
Tomo 31 Oct, 2017 @ 3:03am 
FUCK OFF I DONT NEEED HELP!!
dollar_tree_vicodin_4 30 Oct, 2017 @ 2:12pm 
INSTRUCTIONS UNCLEAR; PENIS STUCK IN BLENDER
Rebel Scum 30 Oct, 2017 @ 9:51am 
It's called grow the fuck up.
robertplant1969 30 Oct, 2017 @ 8:35am 
DIDNT UNDERSTAND NOW MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE AND MY PC IIS IN A LAKE OON MARS
HELP!?
AnarchiacTTV 30 Oct, 2017 @ 8:30am 
For the first time in my nearly 1000 I decided to tryhard in hobo houses. Terribly frustrated with this game over the period of months, I ran around looting trying to have fun. Haven't come across a single person. around 30 people left - me and my friend died from first red zone blow
s a f e <3 30 Oct, 2017 @ 7:14am 
I've noticed after scoring my first chicken dinner, postloss pubg depression has been nearly nonexistent now

it's also far less likely if you do fun rounds, such as using only a vehicle the entire game, or using only specific weapons, or having people kill you while you hold a live frag grenade so that they blow up when they go to loot your corpse.

Honking at people shooting at you is also a significant stress reliever.