Recent reviews by Pisspants69

this so called "relaxing" game as i was told, that's supposed to lull you into a peaceful state. kiss my ass! I didn't even get through its first night without feeling like my brain was going to explode. It's advertised as this serene, dreamy experience, but let me tell you, it doesn't bring any melatonin production to your body. Instead, it makes you focus like a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dog on steroids, eyes glued to the screen, heart racing, as you try to keep up with its ridiculous rythms. I mean, who thought it was a good idea to label this game as Melatonin?
The whole premise is laughable. You dive into this pastel-colored world thinking you'll be gently guided into a state of relaxation. But no, it’s like being thrown into a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ pressure cooker. The levels are designed to keep you on edge, with timing and precision that would make even the most seasoned gamer sweat. There's nothing relaxing about frantically tapping and swiping, trying to hit these absurdly fast and complicated rhythms. It's like someone took a hyperactive metronome and decided to build a game around it.
And don't even get me started on the Followers level. Whoever designed that must have a sadistic streak because it's absolutely impossible. You're supposed to follow these patterns and hit the right notes at the right time, but it's like trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. It's infuriating! You think you're getting the hang of it, and then BAM, the game throws in some crazy twist that sends you spiraling into frustration. It’s like the developers sat around brainstorming the most maddening experience possible and then put it all into this one level.
But here's the kicker: even after all that frustration, there's no point in trying to sleep. Somehow, despite the mad ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ difficulty and the stress it induces, Melatonin is addicting as hell. It keeps you wide awake all night, eyes burning from staring at the screen, your mind buzzing with patterns and rhythms. "No sleep" is an understatement. Once you start, it's nearly impossible to stop. It's like the game digs its claws into your brain and refuses to let go, making sure you're hooked, desperately trying to beat just one more level.
So, you end up in this vicious cycle: you play, you get frustrated, you can't stop, and then you can't sleep. It’s a total nightmare. Instead of winding down, you're wound up tighter than a drum, lying in bed with your mind racing, replaying the game’s infernal challenges over and over. If you're looking for a game to relax and unwind with, stay far, far away from Melatonin. It won't help you drift off to sleep; it will have you wide awake, sweating bullets, and questioning your life choices. If you want to keep your sanity intact and get some actual rest, find something else to play. Trust me, your brain will thank you.

♥♥♥♥ YOU MELATONIN!!!!

(Game is pretty good if you get the hang of every challenge tho)

10/10
would never play again (:

alr

Kvit mannj

3000 Hours of My Life I’ll Never Get Back.

DayZ, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, unforgiving monster. After 3,000 hours, I thought I’d conquered you. I thought I’d mastered every broken mechanic, survived every glitch, and become numb to your relentless punishment and torture. But no, you keep finding ways to remind me that I am nothing. IM BOHEMIA'S little slave. IM BOHEMIAS test subject.
3000 hours of starving because, somehow, the Dayz gods decided that food was a myth today. 3000 hours of getting shot by some ♥♥♥♥♥♥ camping in the bushes, who probably only logged in to ruin my life. AGAIN.
How can a game that’s been out this long still function like it was coded by someone who’s never touched a computer before? The desync makes it feel like I'm playing underwater. Items disappear and vehicles spontaneously combust. And yet, here I am. 3,000 hours later, coming back for more like some Heroin addict. But don’t get it twisted, DayZ. ♥♥♥♥ you. I hate your clunky controls, your miserable vehicles, and your endless parade of bugs.

''You’re not a game you’re a psychological experiment designed to see how much suffering a human can endure before they snap''

But you win, DayZ. You always do. See you tomorrow.

Vess du itj har d kjøp d.

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