I offer CS:GO lessons at affordable prices. Payment accepted in: drugs (large quantities only), booze (Krug Rosé and Moët only), and women (must be 60-90-60 only).

The course includes a wide range of elite tactics ♥♥♥ such as:

♥♥♥ Spraying like the master of the MAG-07

Impressing the ladies with your P90 skills

Intentional lucky shots (a.k.a. professional luck)

Defusing the bomb in smoke – sometimes you lose the bomb in the smoke, but hey, no stress

Flashbangs with curve – you don’t even know where it lands, sometimes you get flashed too

Shooting the AWP depending on the weather – in case of storms, just pray to the gods

You will also learn how to:

Shout motivational phrases in Russian ♥♥♥ such as "cyka blyat", "idi nahui", "kurwa" and many more

Always blame your teammates, no matter what

Make feral noises when you die to scare your teammates and secure the win

...plus many more top-secret tricks.

By the end of this course, you’ll be instantly certified as a Global Elite.