I don’t just dislike SquirtMeister — I despise him on a molecular level. Every time I queue and see his name, a part of my soul withers. Playing with him is like trying to win a gunfight while dragging an anchor made of bad decisions and worse aim. He's not just a liability — he's a full-blown hazard to digital society. If disappointment had a human form, it would be SquirtMeister peeking mid with a Judge and 12 HP.
The sound of his mic makes me consider uninstalling. His callouts are like riddles wrapped in static and uselessness. He buys the wrong guns, pushes the wrong sites, and dies with the confidence of someone who thinks they're the protagonist in an action movie… except it’s a tragic indie film and he’s the comic relief who dies in the first act.
I hate SquirtMeister with the intensity of a thousand tilt queues. If stupidity were a skill, he’d finally be Radiant.

SquirtMeister is the kind of teammate who makes you question if friendly fire should be turned on. He's got the reaction time of a sloth on NyQuil, and his game sense is so advanced it’s actually invisible. He’s mastered every role: entry fragger, lurker, support — all at the exact same time… by standing in spawn. Honestly, he doesn’t need crosshair placement — the bullets are scared of hitting anything when he’s shooting. SquirtMeister plays like his monitor is turned off. Calling him dead weight would be an insult to actual dead weight — at least that doesn't flash the entire team on entry. He’s got the map awareness of a Roomba with a concussion, and his callouts are just him breathing heavily into the mic like he’s decoding Morse code. At this point, the enemy team gives him pity frags just to keep the game interesting. Honestly, the only thing SquirtMeister carries is emotional baggage from every round he throws. :)

heyyy

+rep pretty good player

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