You probably have quite a few opinions about what's going on in the news cycle right now, but it's important to remember one thing - you're wrong. Here's why: To start, you're completely missing the point and everything you think is actually at odds with reality when you look at the data. In fact, you're nowhere close to being accurate. It's simple to understand when you stop for a second and actually look at the issues. Once you open your eyes, you'll see that you're wrong about each and every one of them. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. But what about this other thing i heard -- no! If the past is any indication of the future, not only is there no chance that you'll ever be right, all signs suggest you will never even come close once in your lifetime. The only way you'll ever be right is to repeat everything I say word for word to every single person you know. until then, you're wrong.

Ok so hear me out. Due to gravitation time dilation, your upper body is technically older than your lower body, that is of course... due to Gravitational Time Dilation. Gravitational Time Dilation is the effect gravity has on time. The lower the gravitational potential, the faster the time is. Knowing this, because your d*ck has more gravitational potential than your head, your head is older than your d*ck (by less than a millionth of a nanosecond but that doesn’t matter). So if you were sucking your d*ck while you turned 18, your head would age first. This means your 18 year old head would be sucking your 17 year old d*ck. and you're a pedophile. that's all I wanted to say! Thank you for listening to my TED Talk.