I caught this guy ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ my girlfriend last week. I’m still pissed about it but there’s nothing I can do. She loves him. I knew she was acting weird because she kept staying out late and coming home with taco sauce on her blouse. During sex she’d scream to give her my five dollar foot long, but I’m only 3 inches and five dollars is way too much for what I’m giving. One day I came home to find her getting plowed against the wall by this dude. He had her hair in one hand and a taco bell cheesy gordita crunch in the other. I tried to fight him, but he slapped me so hard it broke every window in the house. This dude’s a stone cold pimp and I can’t do anything to hurt him, so I can only hope he breaks her heart one day like she broke mine.

A 12-year-old boy comes up to the Polish man and says, “I was looking in your bedroom window last night and I saw you and your wife doing it. Nyah, nyah, nyah!”
The Polak answers, “The joke’s on you kid, Nyah, nyah,nyah! I wasn’t even home last night.”

Polish Air Flight 101 is coming in for a landing, and the pilot is freaking out. The sweat is jumping off his brow.
He brings the plane to a screeching halt and turns to the co-pilot. “Man, that is the shortest runway I have ever landed on.”
The co-pilot says, “Yeah, and so wide.”

Q: How do you take census in a Polish village?
A: Roll a quarter down the street, count the legs, divide by two, and subtract one for the Jew who catches it.

What do you do if a Polak throws a hand-grenade at you?
Take out the pin and throw it back.

How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
Turn off the carousel.