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When he was a baby he fell into the toilet. he had big baby arms and clambered up to the bowl like an orangutan to its fruit bowl. Then, while travelling the toilet rim, his tiny baby legs lost balance and he toppled into the bowl, suffering severe brain damage and gaining webbed feet. After 12 days in the bowl, he finally gained a foothold on an air freshener and climbed out to freedom, his tiny baby brain was filled with hatred at the people who had left him there for weeks, surviving on nibbling on a lily scented air wick and gaining vital nutrients. This experience shaped him into the man he is today, a man who loves his family, and still has webbed feet. I am losing my mind, this post is a cry for help.

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Buys computer, doesn't come online at all for 15 days