The song 🗿 The beat 🗿
The creator 🗿
The producer 🗿
The instrumental 🗿
The software used to create this beat 🗿
The synthesizers 🗿
The drums 🗿
The bassline 🗿
The guitar riff 🗿
The background melodies 🗿
The sound effects 🗿
The sound engineers 🗿
The autotune 🗿
The studio where it was recorded 🗿
The recording booth 🗿
The microphone 🗿
The mixing board 🗿
The mastering process 🗿
The final touches 🗿
The speakers blasting the sound 🗿
The headphones 🗿
The earbuds 🗿
The phone playing the track 🗿
The Bluetooth connection 🗿
The AUX cord 🗿
The radio stations broadcasting it 🗿
The vibrations in the air 🗿
The sound waves 🗿
The subwoofer thumping 🗿
The car stereo booming 🗿
The vibrations in the walls 🗿
The windows rattling 🗿
The ones listening to it 🗿
The neurons firing in your brain as you vibe to it 🗿
The dopamine surge 🗿
The adrenaline rush 🗿
The goosebumps 🗿
The fans cheering 🗿

I've been with my wonderful boyfriend Greg for over 4 years now, and this Christmas was our third spent together. He's so much fun to be around, handsome, charming, and our sex life is great. Except for one small problem.

Every year now starting in December he starts referring to his ♥♥♥ as "Greggnog." When I first heard him say this, it was in the context of a joke, so I laughed, and then I forgot about it. A few days after this, we're exchanging some spicy texts before he gets home from work he says to me, in all seriousness, "I can't wait to pour Greggnog all over your face." I could not believe he just said that to me, but I didn't know what else to do at the time but go along with it.

I'm sure that 2020 has done at least some irreparable psychic damage to all people, but unfortunately, for my boyfriend, this has manifested in the form of him referring to his ♥♥♥ as "Greggnog" non-stop.

⣿⡯⠀⢈⠈⢄⠂⠂⠐⠀⠌⠠⢑⠱⡱⡱⡑⢔⠁⠀⡀⠐⠐⠐⡡⡹⣪⠀⠀⢘
⣿⣽⠀⡀⡊⠀⠐⠨⠈⡁⠂⢈⠠⡱⡽⣷⡑⠁⠠⠑⠀⢉⢇⣤⢘⣪⢽⠀⢌⢎
⣿⢾⠀⢌⠌⠀⡁⠢⠂⠐⡀⠀⢀⢳⢽⣽⡺⣨⢄⣑⢉⢃⢭⡲⣕⡭⣹⠠⢐⢗
⣿⡗⠀⠢⠡⡱⡸⣔⢵⢱⢸⠈⠀⡪⣳⣳⢹⢜⡵⣱⢱⡱⣳⡹⣵⣻⢔⢅⢬⡷
⣷⡇⡂⠡⡑⢕⢕⠕⡑⠡⢂⢊⢐⢕⡝⡮⡧⡳⣝⢴⡐⣁⠃⡫⡒⣕⢏⡮⣷⡟
⣷⣻⣅⠑⢌⠢⠁⢐⠠⠑⡐⠐⠌⡪⠮⡫⠪⡪⡪⣺⢸⠰⠡⠠⠐⢱⠨⡪⡪⡰
⣯⢷⣟⣇⡂⡂⡌⡀⠀⠁⡂⠅⠂⠀⡑⡄⢇⠇⢝⡨⡠⡁⢐⠠⢀⢪⡐⡜⡪⡊
⣿⢽⡾⢹⡄⠕⡅⢇⠂⠑⣴⡬⣬⣬⣆⢮⣦⣷⣵⣷⡗⢃⢮⠱⡸⢰⢱⢸⢨⢌
⣯⢯⣟⠸⣳⡅⠜⠔⡌⡐⠈⠻⠟⣿⢿⣿⣿⠿⡻⣃⠢⣱⡳⡱⡩⢢⠣⡃⠢⠁
⡯⣟⣞⡇⡿⣽⡪⡘⡰⠨⢐⢀⠢⢢⢄⢤⣰⠼⡾⢕⢕⡵⣝⠎⢌⢪⠪⡘⡌⠀

I, an atheist, accidentally said “oh my g*d” instead of “oh my science”. Am I even an atheist anymore? I don’t like religion or anything but like maybe it infiltrated me and is manipulating me to say “oh my g*d” instead of “oh my science”. Please guys it wasn’t me, I didn’t mean it. I’m very disappointed in myself, I think I need to go to science camp or go to therapy. What if I’m secretly religious? what should I do? Is my foreskin going to fall off?? Please can someone give me advice, any advice is appreciated.

Best regards,

-an atheist(?)

It was just a normal day for me and my father. We had just finished hiking a big mountain with our dog. Everyone was exhausted and we were making our way home. Everything was fine.

That was, until the inevitable occured. The music station we were listening to all of the sudden said, “All new hits are Among Us. (Among Us sound effect) Or sus.” I shot up from my slumped posture, realizing the imminent danger we were in. The dog on my lap jumped.

“What’s wrong?” Father said. “Get on the Highway. NOW.” I yelled. Before he could respond, police sirens and helicopters came into earshot. An entire police stations worth of police cars were coming up hot behind us, along with an attack helicopter.

My dad served onto the highway as I reached into the back of my chair and pulled out a Man-portable anti-tank systems rocket launcher. “Open the sunroof,” I said sternly to father. He did my bidding, and I stuck my torso out of the car. Several SWAT trucks have shown up, and we are now in the hottest police chase to ever exist in the universe.