Hey, quandale Pringle here,

My boss caught me watching a hottub streamer during work and he squeezed my hog so hard and wouldn't even stop after I banned him.

My brother Cornelius Bartholomew Anderson ringle got caught in an alberian twitch prime and bits scam and got sent to the gulag, but we've snuck him a Nokia 3310 in his ass with a spoon that he'll be using to plan a breakout with my cousin longsdale dimmsdimone slingle.




I think it is time for me to come out and say it: I am copesexual. Yes, I am sexually attracted to coping, seething, malding, and the like. Nothing gets me more aroused and ready to go than being told to “cope” by some anonymous user online. The moment I am told to “cope”, it is as though I endure a Pavlovian response where blood immediately rushes to the tip of my ♥♥♥♥, and I enter a state of testosterone-fueled horniness with a raging erection. When someone says “cope harder”, I nearly edge myself on impulse; it is impossible to contain my excitement, and all but a simple “seethe” is the only thing stopping me from bursting my thick, white, creamy baby yogurt all over my computer screen. I was once told by someone online “ez cope”, which resulted in the longest-lasting orgasm of my life—approximately 7 minutes of pure, uninterrupted bliss. My dream is to be told to cope, seethe, and mald simultaneously, to achieve true sexual enlightenment. In fact, just discussing this is already giving me a monstrous boner, and I may need to cease my writing to quickly crank one out. Cope. HRRNNGHHH. Seethe. UUUGGHHHHH. MALD. HHNRNRUUGGHHHHHJSHUHH