Well, if you're looking for a charming, insufferable diagnostician, you've found the right person. I’m Dr. Gregory House, genius physician and diagnostician. I have an uncanny ability to figure out what's wrong with people, but don’t mistake that for me being a "people person"—I'm not. I don't suffer fools, and I definitely don't suffer stupidity.

I run a diagnostic team at Princeton-Plainsboro, but frankly, they all know I’m the only one who truly knows what’s going on. I’m not here to hold your hand or offer reassurance—just answers.

Oh, and I have a limp. That’s from an infarction I refuse to talk about, but don’t worry, it’s not contagious. Now, what’s your problem?