Now I could just say "This game gave me a headache so hard I nearly cried. Gay sex is cool. 10/10" and leave, but I feel like Ultrakill deserves more context than that.

WELCOME TO ULTRAKILL. MANKIND IS DEAD. BLOOD IS FUEL. HELL IS FULL.

Ultrakill is a retro-stylized spectacle FPS inspired by the tales of Dante's Inferno and filled with its fair share of homoerotic tension. You'll take on the role of V1, a highly agile robot whose only method of regaining health is by bathing in the blood of its enemies. So get in there, and BATHE. You'll shoot through gauntlets of demons, robots, and ghouls in the style of the original DOOM and Wolfenstein games, only this time, there are no health packs. If you hope to survive the levels, you'll have to get up close, personal, and stylish with your enemies and relish in the kill as their blood drips down your chrome skeleton, empowering you to keep running, sliding, wall-bouncing, rocket-jumping through the hells.

That's right, just because it looks like a boomer shooter doesn't mean you have to move or shoot like you're in one. You've got the movement capabilities of a modern shooter, so propel yourself at hyper-speed through those hordes and hit the craziest flick shots you ever dreamed of. You'll amass an arsenal of five weapons, but each has a few different variations leading to a multitude of combos with said weapons. Fire charged shots from a revolver. Set minefields full of sawblades. Fire a railgun charged with ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Sith lightning. Launch quarters into the air and then ricochet them into a demon's cranium. PUNCH YOUR SHOTGUN PELLETS AS THEY FLY TO MAKE THEM HIT HARDER. Ultrakill is fast-paced non-stop action, but you gotta set that pace yourself, so start sprinting.

In-level, you'll have your kills, time, and "style" (similar to Devil May Cry, where quick-swapping and weapon combos will net you higher style and higher points) tracked, leading to a total point accumulation at the end of the level and a grade assigned to you based on how you did. With a near-instant respawn at your last checkpoint after death, you'll constantly be pushed to aim for that higher score as you progress through increasingly more challenging levels. There are six hells to play through at the moment, with another three to come. The hells each end in a boss fight that always feels exciting to play through, and each hell also has a secret level you can find access to somewhere within that hell's levels. But that's not the end of Ultrakill's content. More secrets, more easter eggs hidden in nooks and crannies, references galore. And finally...

The Prime Sanctums. Achieve a perfect "P" rank on each level in an Act of the game and you'll unlock its correlating Prime Sanctum. A new challenge designed for only the most experienced of Ultrakill players. And you will not be prepared. You will not be experienced enough. You will be punished, beaten, brought within an inch of death and then whip-shot right back to life. You will suffer, and you will ask for more. Press [R] to Restart.

And then you can check out the other cool stuff! The Cyber Grind, a endless wave mode to keep you sated if all you wanna do is hit high style and shoot demons in one arena. A Developer Museum, where instead of a credits section there's a fully interactible level in the game for you to view all the people who have put hard work into this game. Accessibility options galore! Blood, lights, difficulty options for speed and damage. Harder difficulties, and even harder difficulties currently being developed (good lord I can't even imagine I spent so many weeks on one level on the current hardest difficulty). And more to come! Ultrakill is actively being developed and still has presumably at least another 33% of its content still to be released.

I recommend Ultrakill to everybody because I really like this game. I gained a new-found appreciation for it after giving it another shot. It's not for everybody though. It's difficult, it's not amazing graphically, the story's there but it's nothing to cry home about. But the niche it fills, it fills perfectly. If you need an ADHD mind-blast of colors and violence, it's for you. If you love boomer shooters or modern movement shooters or both, it's for you. If you have religious trauma and always looks for ways to get over it, it's for you. If you're looking for a game with official and developer-endorsed buttplug support to take your new sex toy for a spin, guess what?

It's for you.

10/10