Hello, sick people and their loved ones. In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat, I'm Dr. Gregory House. You can call me Greg. I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning. This ray of sunshine is Dr. Lisa Cuddy. Dr. Cuddy runs this whole hospital so, unfortunately, she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a board-certified diagnostician, with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I'm also the only doctor currently employed at this clinic who is forced to be here against his will. That is true, isn't it? But not to worry. Because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this. This is Vicodin. It's mine. You can't have any. And, no, I do not have a pain management problem. I have a pain problem. But who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me? And....who would rather wait for one of the other two guys? Okay. Well, I'll be in Exam Room One if you change your mind