I sexually identify as the FitnessGram Pacer Test. Ever since I was a kid I dreamed of being an multi stage aerobic capacity test that progressively get more difficult as it continues. People tell me that a person can´t be a school fitness test but I don´t care, I´m beautiful. Every morning I wake up and tell myself "The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds". My running speed starts slowly but gets faster every minute. In school, every time I hear the bell I think "A single lap should've been completed, and if It isn't completed twice the test is over". From now on I want you guys to call me Fitness Gram and respect my right to run in a straight line and run as long as possible. If you can't accept that I am a aerobic capacity test then you're a testophobe and you need to check your running privelage. Thank you for being so understanding

I'll tear off your ass taint and wear it to the dinner table