🌟 WELCOME TO CS2: THE GAME THAT WILL MAKE YOU ASK, "WHY DO I STILL DO THIS?" 🌟

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAt8oxY0GQo

If you are reading this, congratulations. You've somehow stumbled into the realm of CS2:
where your KD ratio is a meme, your self-worth is measured in eco round victories,
and you will see **the *worst* of humanity in the form of keyboard warriors**.

👾 WARNING: By continuing to read, you have consented to having your sanity slowly drained.
⌨️ Every "GG EZ" will be a fragment of your soul left behind.

But don't worry, because in CS2, you don’t just "play" the game. You become it. You embody every
pixel of rage, every strategic smoke toss that goes 50m off course, every time your teammate does
a 180 and then proceeds to flash you.

🌍 So come, embrace the void, and enjoy the delusional highs of clutching with a deagle in your
hands, and the crippling lows of being teamkilled by a bot on your own team.

YOU'VE ENTERED CS2. GOOD LUCK OUT THERE.

CS2 IS MY CHURCH. I SPRAY AND PRAY TO GABEN.
🧠 THIS IS NOT A BIO — IT’S A WARNING.

⚠️ BASIC INFO (You won’t understand it, but read it anyway)
Rank: Global Ultra Omega Diamond Hellfire IV
Mouse DPI: set to the Fibonacci sequence
CS2 Playtime: 9,438 hours (all in spawn practicing jumping)
Reaction Time: negative (I shoot before I see you)
Monitor: microwave door with a sticker that says “BenQ”
Crosshair: invisible — I don't need help
Favorite Gun: PP-Bizon. Not ironically. Religiously.

😡 WHO AM I?
I am the reason your team tilts before pistol round.
I am the guy who picks up the bomb and refuses to plant because I’m “teaching the team a lesson.”
I am the 5th player who locks in auto-sniper, full buys, and screams “ECO THIS ROUND” as I solo push mid and die instantly.

When I die, I don't spectate. I tab out and file noise complaints against your breathing pattern.

🧠 WHAT’S MY STRATEGY?
I don’t have strats. I have visions.
I astral project into the minds of the enemy team and whisper misinformation.
I once fake-rotated so hard the enemy logged off thinking it was a maintenance update.
I throw molotovs into CT spawn pre-round for psychological warfare.
I hold W like it owes me money.

My smoke lineups require a blood pact and 12 hail marys.

🗿 MATCHMAKING LORE
Every match is a spiritual rebirth.
Last game I knifed my own teammate for buying a SCAR-20. It wasn’t personal — it was doctrine.
I once defused with 0.0000000001 seconds left and still yelled “EZ.”
Got VAC banned in a dream and woke up crying.
I queue solo only. Teammates are just NPCs that disappoint me in new and exciting ways.

🛑 RULES FOR QUEUING WITH ME
If you breathe into your mic, I call your ISP and get you disconnected manually.

If you ask for a drop, I open a case instead.

If you say “rotate,” I say “meditate.”

If you say “save,” I say “slave to fear.”

If you flash me one more time, I will dox your crosshair settings and change them all to Comic Sans.

📉 ACTUAL THINGS I’VE SAID IN-GAME
“This isn’t Silver. This is purgatory for the weak.”

“If we had better comms, I could’ve gotten that 1v5 with the Zeus.”

“I’m not toxic, I’m diagnostic. Your playstyle has cancer.”

“You’re not entry fragging, you’re just existing loudly.”

“Bro’s aim is like Windows Vista — laggy, loud, and nobody asked for it.”

🔥 MY GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS
Aced with dualies in a match where I