Solo Q ranked is probably the most tryhard and stressful experience I’ve ever had in gaming so I’m sure it’s the same for many of you. You try the best you can, try to work with your team who’s sometimes stubborn and uncooperative. You work around their various idiosyncrasies while absorbing and interpreting all this data while still trying to be a functional, decent player. And all the hard work can be lost by 1 person on your team, sometimes intentionally. Sometimes it’s accidental, but those people lash out at you instead, thinking it couldn’t be their own fault so it must be yours.

Things are going to get messy because of that. In these games, sometimes, we’re going to be riding the highest of highs, congratulating the team, complimenting sick plays and good calls, persevering and keeping our heads cool during the stress. Other times, we’re going to be in the lowest of lows, pissed off at your own inability, angry that no ones helping you despite calmly asking for help for 5 min, frustration building up because the calm calls for help dont’ seem to be doing anything, butting heads because you want to go fight and another person wants to just farm. No ones listening, no one working together and it feels like everyones just given up or doesn’t care. So in your head it’s all rage. You’re howling into that darkness because you feel powerless, you can’t control your own fate in this affair you’ve committed yourself to.

So if you can feel all that in a game, all these various emotions, good and bad and traverse that landscape day after day. Things are going to get messy. Sometimes, I’ll handle the stress with flying colors, remained positive and funny even when my team was being the worst. You’re going to see the best of me, that laughs off the game-losing missed stun you had, and declares “It’s all good dude, we all have off-games”. Other times, though, you’re going to see the worst possible side of me. The side that calls you an inept moron because you refused to back when the team expressly told you not to push and now our carry’s died in a 60 min game with no buyback.

We’re going to go through this gauntlet time and time again, and sometimes we’re not going to look pretty afterwards. Accept that. Accept that what you’re witnessing isn’t something that I’ll be proud of, but it is me. Accept that I am not one you should model yourself after, that you can expect decency and civility at all times, because sometimes you won’t find it. And if you’re here to judge & preach to me about the what a terrible person, I don’t want to hear it padre, I already know. And that’s why I’ll apologize in game quite often. I ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up a stun and got people mad, I hit that head-on. ♥♥♥♥, I missed the stun I’m a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ sorry guys. I got pissed off at some point in the game, at the end “gg guys, sorry I acted like such an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥”

And the thing is, most of you guys who play dota in and out already know that. That message was just for a small percentage of people who come into a dota channel and expect the same behavior out of the guy 5 stacking for fun with friends from someone solo q’ing, passionate enough to play competitive even though he’s not good enough to do it professionally.