Recently, a friend has presented to me this question:

‘What colour does a Smurf go when choked?’

This made me think. What colour does a Smurf go when choked? An important question indeed.

So this friend, another friend, and myself started using the power of science to answer this question. Let us begin.

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Choking a Smurf

This was the original question that provoked this text. The method for answering this can be used in the other lines also.

Using the light spectrum, I pinpointed an approximate area of basic skin colour for a European Australian. I then found the approximate colour of a Smurf.

I then used my friend’s trivial knowledge and found that humans get choked blue.

I found the distance between blue and the colour marked out for Humans (discrimination is not intended if found), and applied the same distance to the Smurf colour.

Using this distance, I found that Smurfs choke a colour approximately around a yellowish-green.

But wait. We are not done yet.

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2. Bruising a Smurf

My friend then asked what colour a Smurf would go when bruised.

I marked out the Human and Smurf areas from the last line.

I then researched and found that the median colour of a bruise is green. I found green on the spectrum, and marked this as Bruise.

Using the distance between the basic colour I used for Humans and basic Smurf colour, and found that a Smurf bruises approximately orange.

There is more, however.

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3. Choking Shrek

Although Shrek is an absolutely indestructible unit, this is completely theoretical as you would a need a car crusher to choke Shrek.

Using the same methods as above, I used the same Human colour and used a lime green for Shrek.

Using the same distance, I found that Shrek chokes orange, just like a smurf.

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4. Bruising Shrek.

Even though Shrek is so much of an absolute unit that he cannot be actually bruised, in theoretical speech I have tried to deduce what colour his elegant skin would go should it miraculously be bruised.

The same method as above is applied here, with, again, the same Human colour and Shrek colour.

I have discovered now that Shrek would bruise sky blue.

Numbers 3 and 4 can also apply to our lord and saviour Mike Wazowski. Not that anyone would be able to physically choke Green Jesus, or bring themselves to bruise him, either.

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5. Choking a Minion

Although it seems to be physically impossible to choke a minion, I have written this anyway.

Same method again.

Using the gap between Human and Choke, I have deduced that a minion chokes hot pinkish purple. Incredible.

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6. Bruising a Minion.

You can actually bruise a minion, so this is OK.

Same method. Again.

A minion appears to bruise deep blurple.

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7. Blood Colour of a Smurf

This was a bit harder.

Knowing that humans have red blood, that they choke blue, I found the difference between Human Blood and Human Choke. Apply that backwards to the Choke, and you have the blood colour.

A Smurf is blue, and chokes yellowish-green.

Using the Human Blood-Choke gap, I deduce that a Smurf’s blood colour is yellow.

This also implies that a Smurf may be related to the Sea Cucumber, as it also has yellow blood.

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8. Blood Colour of Shrek/Mike Wazowski

Using the same method as above, I have managed to deduce the following:

Shrek and Mike Wazowski both appear to have blue blood. This implies that they are arthropods, having exoskeletons, which would explain their incredible beefiness.

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9. Blood Colour of a Minion

Same as above.

A minion, according to my information, seems to have turquoise blood.

There are absolutely no other life forms that have this coloured blood, so a Minion is evidently an entirely new species.

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All in all, cartoon characters are weird.

Thanks for attending my Ted Talk.