I caught this guy f00king my girlfriend last week. I’m still p1ssed about it but there’s nothing I can do. She loves him. I knew she was acting weird because she kept staying out late and coming home with taco sauce on her blouse. During sex she’d scream to give her my five dollar foot long, but I’m only 3 inches and five dollars is way too much for what I’m giving. One day I came home to find her getting plowed against the wall by this dude. He had her hair in one hand and a taco bell cheesy tortila crunch in the other. I tried to fight him, but he slapped me so hard it broke every window in the house. This dude’s a stone cold pimp and I can’t do anything to hurt him, so I can only hope he breaks her heart one day like she broke mine.