Recent reviews by Kermit The Fricken Frog Dickard

Maybe the the greatest turn based JRPG of all time. Also Ichiban is literally the second coming of Jesus Christ.

Fun game

Burnout Paradise is an open world racing game that cuts the BS and just lets you drive and screw around in anyway you please. The map is packed with missions and collectables among other things, which serve to keep you occupied as you race through the city. It seems like around every corner there is a new ridiculous ramp to drive off of, or another billboard to smash through, which does a good job at keeping the map from getting stale. Although the game does feature some pretty obtuse and incomprehensible menus, overall I'd say that Burnout Paradise serves as the perfect time waster for you and your friends to drive to your hearts' content while getting up to all manners of magnificent motorised mayhem...

or at least that's what I WOULD say had it not been for one small detail.
"Did the game crash often?" No, I never encountered this problem during my time in the game.
"Was having to use u-play the issue?" Although this was annoying, it certainly didn't ruin the game for me.
"So what was it that was it that ruined this otherwise pleasant gaming experience?" you may be asking yourself.
You want to know!? well lean in because I'm about to let you in on what this one small little detail is:
IT'S GUNS AND ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ROSES! ♥♥♥♥!
Every ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ time that you launch the game, your sorry ass will be subjected to hearing a ♥♥♥♥♥ out Axl Rose screaming: "TAKE ME DOWN TO THE PARADISE CITY !!!(etc.)"
Every. single. time.
If there were an option that allowed you to stop this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ song from playing on the title screen ever again and replaced it with a guy who comes to your house and waterboards you in real life, then I would ABSOLUTELY select that option! And seeing that the game already hijacks your webcam without asking you, is too much of a stretch for the game to also track your location in order to send the guy over to waterboard you? ADD THIS FEATURE EA!

oh, and did I mention that Paradise City is also always the first song to come on the radio when you load into the game?!

yeah, this game can go ♥♥♥♥ itself and die.

0/10
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥'s game