(clears throat) I'm not unemployed or smuggling cigarettes across the border I don't eat Pepsi and May West for breakfast I don't watch da hockey game doing it doggie-style And no, I don't know Claude, Manon, or François in Abitibi-Témiscamingue But I'm sure they all have nice teeth I smoke in church I speak Québecois in joual, not French or English I pronounce it "tird", not third And eating French fries with cheese makes sense, mon estie, I believe in a distinct society, as long as someone else pays for it I believe in language-police, not equal rights And, calisse, I believe that Club Super-Sex is an appropriate place for my wife and me to celebrate our anniversaire What the hell, she goes on at ten anyway In Québec, the Stanley Cup actually comes around more often than Halley's comet I can get beer at the dépanneur, not the convenience store And maybe I can't turn right on a red light But tabarnak, I can go right thruo it Because Québec is the world's largest producer of maple syrup, The home of Céline Dion and Roch Voisine The land where everybody is shacking up and the legal drinking age is just a suggestion Je m'appelle Guy, and I am not Canadian Mot, t'a dit, tabarnak, ostie.