I recently got a second job as an Anti Dinosaur Discrimination activist. This country segregates dinosaurs from the population way too much nowadays, and it needs to stop. The other day I watched an old lady getting mugged by a hooded youth the other day, and was very disappointed to see that no Triceratops appeared to skewer the both of them. The triceratops was obviously caught up in an unfair high speed chase with the police on the M4. The only way we can stop this is to vote Gabe Newell into Parliament, and force him at gun point to delay Half Life 3 so that we can end dinosaur discrimination once and for all.
#VoteForGabe #OnlyGabeCanHelp #WorthTheWeight


Do not worry, this second job has in no way deterred me from my first job as a pop artist. I will be releasing my new album "One Time I Vomited Because I Tasted That Brown Stuff That You Get Under Your Toe Nails" later this year. It will include 'Floppy Wet Sock ft. Gaben'; 'My Ears Are Actually Bleeding Now ft. Skrillex'; '....... ft. Gordan Freeman'; 'Cease and Desist Notice ft. Chell'; 'Steam Has Entered Offline Mode ft. Valve'; and of course 'I Don't Like It When Water Splashes Me When I Drop A Log' ft. The President of the Pot Noodle Company.
The album will be available everywhere except at Virgin Media Stores, because Virgin's in space now. They can only have my groundbreaking album if they agree to hand their space programme over to me. I play Kerbal, I got that ♥♥♥♥.
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Notable Quotes:

"I don't like spam."
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-The Witless Wonder
CEO and President of the Gelderland Lemon Factory