We all know Gru is the godly height of 14.5 feet tall and can move at a speed of 200 Meters per second. Based on average ♥♥♥♥ size, Gru’s penis is around 14 inches long. Also, Gru’s ♥♥♥♥ would weigh around 2 pounds considering the average weight of a ♥♥♥♥ is .77 lbs. If he swung his ♥♥♥♥ in a circular manner, it would have the centripetal acceleration of 72.57 meters per second. This means that gru can dickslap with the immense energy of 11,421 pounds per sq inch at a tip speed greater than 584415.58336974 MPH. In conclusion, Gru’s dickslap has enough energy to smash through 6” reinforced concrete and will cause a thunderclap as his ♥♥♥♥ breaks the sound barrier. I rest my case.

Jk, I further my case by pointing out The avg speed of ejaculate is 28 mph. This means that gru can ejaculate at a speed of roughly 70 MPH when standing still. If he decides to fling his ejaculate by swinging his ♥♥♥♥ in a circular fashion, it will travel at 584415.5*70= 40,909,085 mph. This means Gru’s ejaculate travels at a speed greater than 24 thousand times the speed of a bullet. Considering the average mass of ejaculate, 3.5 g, gru’s semen will impact the target with the energy of 1.715e9 Jouls, or roughly the amount of energy released in 667 pounds of TNT. In conclusion, if gru decided to weaponize his penis, he could easily conquer the world.
Now I rest my case

daddy: *licking my bratty buthole*
me: ngh!! daddy!! *sex noises*
daddy: *stops* hm do you have tapeworms sweetie?
me: tehehe! yis :33 *buthole opens up* my tapeworm says hi!!
uwu *tapeworm nuzzles daddy*

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

My offspring's birthday is next week. Last birthday, I told him to draw pictures of what he wanted as a visual list. When I inquired as to one image (which I first took to be a box of coloured crayons), I deciphered his explanations as it being tampons. In particular, the multicoloured brand. His only references to the product were the adverts featuring a girl jumping out of a window onto a tree which lowered her into a bmw convertible full of friends, an electric green street racing car with black flames and the ability to do a single handed handstand star-jump on a dance machine to crowd applause.
I bought him a box and figured he would work it out. Yesterday I asked him what he wants for his birthday and he replied 'not tampons'.

hi xD