Gentlemen! (and the one chick who may be reading this, because this isn't candy crush or a JRPG) this genuinely is a fantastic game. On par with Doom even! Don't believe me? My dad used to get drunk and hit me. Now that he's old and feeble, I go to his house occasionally and slap the ♥♥♥♥ out of him until he falls out of his wheel chair. Fun times! Not as fun as this game though. That's just a testament to how good this game is. As a 90s kid I'm absolutely kicking myself for letting this title slip by my notice.

I'll give you the tl;dr of the story:
Tchernobog took your woman from you and forced you to kill her after he enslaved her mind. In return, you get to perforate his chocolate starfish with your pitchfork and stir his guts like a bowl of pasta. Trust me bro, do it exactly like I just told you, and that ♥♥♥♥♥ ain't never gonna show his face in the hood again.

If I may be genuine for a moment, there's nothing about this game I don't like. The music is absolutely fantastic. I bump that ♥♥♥♥ in my pedo van. The difficulty can be pretty crazy, but I'm not a limp-♥♥♥♥ game journalist, so I don't complain about ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ like that. The weapon selection is just—Chef's kiss—as various as it is imaginative. Straps range from Caleb's pitchfork, to his 12 gauge coach cannon, to voodoo dolls, testla cannons, TNT bundles, and even fricken cans of hairspray supplemented with a zippo lighter. As stupid as this weapon sounds, GATDAM it's fun! This is my favorite weapon to use against my dad's scalp after I've incapacitated him with a barrage of slaps and backhands for not being able to wheel away from me fast enough.

If you're still reading this, I'm deeply disappointed in you. With the time you've wasted reading a game synopsis written by some ♥♥♥♥♥♥ living in a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ trailer park located in the middle of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ nowhere Idaho, you could have already purchased and downloaded Blood: Fresh Supply. Unless you live in like, Wyoming, or something, your download would probably be halfway finished by now. Just go. Buy it. Download it. Have fun. Feel free to thank me in the comments.