Yo, my buddy Keith had his car drop in a lake off a bridge just like this one here... Yeah, see, he was driving over it late at night and there in the middle of the bridge was what looked like, In Keith's estimation, like a dead bear, so Keith gets out his car to find a stick to poke at it, right? Well, it turns out it's just some lady's fur coat that musta fallen out her car, so, hey, free coat, right? Now, owls won't normally attack a man, but in this case, they were hungry, and that made them reckless, man. Keith reckons that they musta been there for hours watchin' what they thought was a bear carcass, 'cause as soon as he picked it up, them owls had claws in him inch deep. Well, Keith figures his best bet is to jump in a lake, 'cause owls can't swim. Well, them owls could. He fought them for like 20 minutes treading water, and during that time, a boat came, the bridge went up and down went Keith's car. Man, sometimes nature's just tryin' to teach us, if we'd only listen.

My buddy Keith tried camping out on top of a building once. He was shooting crows, but the police were too busy teargassin' him to ask what he was doin' up there. He screamed for an entire year every single time he opened his eyes! Oh, man! At first, it was funny; then it just got sad, but then it got funny again! Oh, man!

Stunties hide unnerground and pansy-elves hide in the trees. Thas why I prefers yer 'umans. They builds sorta 'ollow rocks wiht 'oles for comin' and goin' fru. They builds 'em on hills where you's have to climb a bit, but at least they's in the open, where a lad can get at 'em. So you can lob a few rocks at the walls, bash frew the holes, and get in there to nick all their gear, wivvout wunderin' if the roof is gonna fall on yer nut or if you's gonna fall off a branch. I like bashin' 'uman places. Only they don't call it bashin'; they calls it a seej.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

Oops.

OHH MY GOD HE'S GOT A HAMMER!