PART 5:

And that, dear reader, is why I think that Nixon would prefer to have old man gay sex with Charles Colson instead of Bob Haldeman. Also by the way Nixon is 100% the bottom in both hypothetical relationships. Your welcome, cur.

PART 4:

Colson clearly is remorseful about his Watergate actions, while Nixon never really was, Colson dedicated basically the remainder of his life to religion. I can see Nixon staying with Colson out of respect for his humility -- and the fact that Nixon historically liked grand narratives which he could turn to -- but I can also see Nixon and Colson's relationship not having room for a third wheel -- Jesus Christ.

Whatever the direction would be, it would be a struggle for the both of them, with Colson torn in between Jesus and Tricky ♥♥♥♥, and Nixon torn between Colson and his own demons. However it would ended, it would end with tears.

PART 3:

Colson, like Haldeman, would do anything for Nixon, but Colson seems like the scheming henchman type, waiting to usurp his boss when the time is right, rather Haldeman's blind loyalty.

The thing I really think is the deciding factor is Colson's conversion to Evangelical Christianity during the Watergate trial. Colson and Nixon have some real intimate moments on the Nixon Tapes during this time, with Colson vulnerably asking Nixon: "Do they think I'm that dumb?" saying that "I'm not – because nobody, everybody's completely out of it."

PART 2:

Haldeman went to prison for Nixon, that's some infatuated mistress type ♥♥♥♥, like Eva Braun or Clara Petacci did that kinda ♥♥♥♥ for their fascist lovers. Haldeman would do that stuff for Nixon, but I don't think Nixon respected Haldeman enough to do the same.

I really do think that Colson is a whole nother story, though. He was a fervent Nixon loyalist, just like Haldeman, but he had a totally different aura (bruh) to him. He was Nixon's *hatchet man* he was Nixon's *executioner* he was on the same exact plane of paranoia and insanity as Nixon was, even about the same things! Just like how Nixon is on record talking about Indians on the Nixon tapes, Colson is on record as confessing to have "a little prejudice."

PART 1:
Ok though real talk: would Nixon get together with Colson or Haldeman? We all know it couldn't be Kissinger. He's more of a heterosexual life partner kind of guy. A guy you could cuddle with when you get to drunk and be close enough to ignore it the next day.

Bob Haldeman could be the play, but I feel like he wouldn't be enough for Tricky ♥♥♥♥. Nixon was so neurotic that he had to justify himself to women in college by telling them the potential history of the Persians conquering the Greeks. Haldeman wouldn't have enough ego to be able to affirm Nixon's neuroticism and give him validation for his quirks. All that he did with the Watergate cover-up and the smoking gun tape gives me the vibe of a dedicated goon. Like a true believer in Nixon, he could be trusted to help Nixon and be friends, but he could never match Nixon in-between.

ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh